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What IS Feminine? What does femininity look like? – Part 2

Feminine woman 2

Last week I started answering the question “What IS Feminine and what does it look like” and we covered the first four aspects: Flow, Emotionally Connected, Making Connections & Inspiring.

This week, we finish with the final four aspects of the feminine:

Nurturing

People who are more feminine at core are at their heart nurturers…but this doesn’t mean that we all need to have children, or spend our afternoons tending flowerbeds!

Our feminine nurturing nature can be applied in any area of life…it is about supporting and helping to inspire growth in both ourselves and those around us.  It’s about caring for, supporting and protecting someone throughout a time of growth and development. That could be you, your partner, a friend, a family member, staff, pretty much anyone.

It can be important, especially in the area of adult intimate relationships, to understand the difference between nurturing and mothering, because without this clarity the lines can be very much blurred.

Mothering often comes from a place of ‘I know best, and I need to protect you from yourself,’ this approach can feel controlling, constricting and patronising. Nurturing on the other hand comes from a place of ‘I care about you, and I will support you in the way that you want and need support, not in the way that I want to.’

It respects another’s choices and decisions, and supports them through their journey rather than trying to direct the path that they ‘should’ take (based on the other person’s perspective and opinion). Nurturing brings together a beautiful combination of welcome support and allowing.

Intuition

Everyone has heard of female (or feminine) intuition – tales of it are legendary!  But it doesn’t have to be attributed to some form of supernatural ability.

The feminine has a very expanded awareness, we are ‘omni-aware,’ meaning that we are simultaneously aware of the huge range of elements and subtleties in both our external and internal worlds.

Unfortunately our conscious mind doesn’t have the capacity to be able to process all that we’re aware of consciously, so our intuition is often a blend of awareness, knowledge and experience. So many connections are made at a subconscious level that we don’t understand WHY we have the feeling that we do, just that something feels right, or not.

At times I’m sure that we’ve all had a gut instinct about something, often that we couldn’t actually explain or rationalise, it could be that we’re connecting with some sort of “higher ability” or it could just be your subconscious is aware of things that your conscious mind hasn’t been able to process.  Either way, if it serves you and steers you in the right direction, then allow yourself to follow it.

Natural

Femininity comes from a place of complete and total authenticity.  As a feminine person it is about getting back to who you naturally are at your core, embracing and embodying it completely.

Being feminine is owning, honouring and celebrating the real you, from the heart, and sharing it with the world.  It’s not about looking, or acting a certain way or wearing certain things.  It’s about being you, through and through, inside and out, and recognising how beautiful that is.

It’s really getting in touch with who you are inside, with your ‘essence,’ and allowing that to radiate out. As such femininity is connected more to being than it is to doing. In our busy, ever-seeking masculine oriented culture, where we’re always looking to do more, achieve more, be more there is this constant feeling that we need to be ‘doing’ something to get ‘there,’ wherever our current goal resides.

The feminine, contrarily, is all about being, here, now, present. Breathing and being. Recognising that you’re enough, right here, right now, that you don’t need to do anything more, or be anything more. You were enough the second you were born and you have been, are and will be enough every second of your life. So nothing else is needed, nothing else is necessary, you can relax and just be who you naturally are.

Energy

Energy is where the spark is added to the mix.  This is where our sense of strength, passion and real feminine power comes from.  A person who is feminine at core is an absolute force of nature.

They don’t seek out power, or need to prove themselves, and when they’re really in their element there is absolutely no need for either.

You can feel the flow of feminine power coursing through you, and every single person you meet can feel it too. This comes from connecting with all of the different types of energy that are the life-blood of the feminine; Loving, sensual, passionate, playful, intense, light, dark, sad, joyful, embracing and expressing them all.

How can we do this? Through connecting to the pleasure of our sensuality, igniting all of our senses and then embracing and expressing the energy that this connects us to.

We can connect to our sense of being playful, childlike and having fun with life!  Not taking ourselves so seriously!

We can connect to our sense of wonder that life held when you were a child and bringing that joy and ability to appreciate the little things into your everyday life.

We can connect to our sense of intensity, our sense of passion, our sense of love and allow ourselves to express the feelings and energy that they produce in our bodies.

By allowing ourselves to live life through being present to the rich, multi-sensory experiences we are capable of, through vivid colours, exquisite textures, luscious aromas, intriguing sounds and delectable flavours we can connect to the energy inside ourselves.

Through connecting to and allowing the pleasure in every experience, we ignite the energy within.

The feminine has all of these of traits and aspects to it but primarily femininity is a feeling.  When we connect to the feminine part of ourselves it brings with it a feeling of relaxation, of expansion, of receptivity, of lusciousness, of our senses and bodies being alive and radiating through everything we are.

And the question now is – what’s YOUR experience of being feminine?

…and if you liked this article, please share it using the buttons below!

Finally, if you’d like some free tips and advice on how to improve your relationship situation, pop over here now and check out our free video series “The First Steps to Transforming Any Relationship”

Wishing You Love,

Claire x

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What IS Feminine? What does femininity look like? – Part 1

feminine woman

Having established what feminine isn’t the next obvious question is “what do we mean when we say ‘feminine’?”

Femininity can take on many forms, because it is unique to the individual woman.

For example, when I’ve asked for examples of feminine women in the public eye, three women who regularly get mentioned are Kate Middleton (the newest member of the royal family), the actress Kate Winslet and Dita Von Teese.

I’m sure you would agree that the appearance and behaviour of each of these women are very different, and yet they are all viewed as feminine women…because each of them are connecting to the aspects of the feminine in a way that it authentic to them.

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Some women do it naturally, others (having spent their life behaving in a more masculine way to try and fit in, be accepted or be successful) find it benefits them to take a little time to play with femininity and masculinity to find the balance of the two that really feels natural to them as opposed to just following the habit they’ve formed over many years. I speak from personal experience.

Femininity isn’t something that you can put on the outside.  It comes from within, from a feeling deep in your core.  When you connect to it, it radiates out through every aspect of your being.

Contrary to popular belief wearing certain dresses, high heels or doing your hair in a certain way doesn’t MAKE you feminine, that would be like suggesting that putting on scrubs and a surgeon’s mask makes you a surgeon. However, sometimes those external choices (what to wear, how to spend your time) can help you to FEEL more feminine and (because femininity comes from an internal feeling) when you feel more feminine by very definition you are being more feminine.

What are the aspects of the feminine?

Because our femininity is as unique as we are, I can’t get you a step-by-step formula that if you follow the instructions and check all the items of the list will result in you blossoming into your feminine effortlessly, but what I can do is give you some guidance, tips and advice to find your very own unique Flavour Of Feminine, the way of being that resonates deeply with you and helps you to ignite the aspects of the feminine in the way that FEELS best to you.

What I can share with you, however, is that there are some core aspects of femininity which are common to all feminine women.  They may appear to a greater or lesser extent from person to person, and they may show up differently in different women, but in my experience they will all appear in some shape or form in a woman who is connected (or connecting) to her feminine nature.

In order to make it nice and easy for us to remember these aspects (in case we decide that we would like to focus on developing any of them), I’ve pulled them together into a simple acronym.  It couldn’t be simpler…it’s about connecting to our F.E.M.I.N.I.N.E.

Little Side Note: As I’ve mentioned in previous articles, we all have masculine and feminine in us, so for anyone who is more feminine at their core connecting with the feminine is never about denying our masculine or making it wrong, instead it’s about allowing our feminine aspects to go first, and then utilising the masculine traits as and when it serves us and those around us best, as is true in reverse for someone who is more masculine at core.

We will begin today with the first four aspects of the feminine:

Flow

Being feminine is all about being open, letting things flow and surrendering any desire to control.

A crucial element of flow is that it is two-way; it is about giving AND receiving in equal measure.  If you can maintain an openness in your daily life, and allow yourself to both give and to receive from those around you, you will naturally feel more relaxed and feminine.

The very nature of flow is one of ease and relaxation. Flow requires no effort, no force, no pushing, all it requires is allowing. When we allow things to flow, we get to let go of the tension in our bodies, minds and hearts.

So one of the paths to allowing more flow into our lives is to let go of the illusion of control.

Ultimately we know that we don’t really have the ability to control anything, but we make ourselves feel better about the uncertainty of life by believing in the illusion that we do.

Unfortunately when we try to control the uncontrollable (which life very much is!) it brings more tension, stress and worry.

The more we try to control, the more we realise we have to do to have control, the more effort we put into it, the more we realise that there is STILL something out of our control and the cycle begins again.

The reality is that there will always be something outside of our control and therefore the only way to really have peace, relaxation and calm inside is to accept, let go of the illusion and allow ourselves to be in flow.

Emotionally connected

People who are more feminine at core are natural relationship builders; we use our ability to connect emotionally with ourselves and others to develop genuine bonds with the people around us.

Our ability to express vulnerability, compassion and kindness are our biggest assets when it comes to connecting at an emotional level.  Emotion is such a crucial aspect of being feminine and as love is the most positive and powerful it is the best place to start, both with yourself and with others.

Love has managed to get itself a bit of a bad rap though…we’ve all heard sayings such as “Love Hurts” and “It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all”.  So when we talk about love it’s not the 21st century kind with all the rules, restrictions and pain associated with it.

We are talking about natural love, the kind that you have for your mother before you even know who she is.  Unconditional love, pure and simple.

Making connections

As we saw above, people who are more feminine at core are natural relationship builders, we seek out connections, community, bonds with other people. We are naturally inclined to reach out, to communicate and collaborate with others.

We see this in the way that we communicate. Women (who generally speaking tend to be more feminine at core than men, though it is important to note that this not true for all women) on average speak 20,000 words a day, whereas men (who tend more generally to the masculine at core) speak an average of only 7,000.The feminine looks for connections, we look to build our own ‘tribes’ to share the experiences of our lives.

When under stress, the feminine generally speaking will look to reach out and find comfort through connection with others, and will seek to do the same when they see others experiencing challenges, offering a space to share their difficulties, some words of encouragement or simply a hug.

Inspiring

Unlike the masculine counterpart, the feminine doesn’t have any inclination to use direction, force or pressure to affect people around them.

Our core strength lies in being able to inspire, motivate and positively influence anyone we come into contact with, simply from the way we are being. If you’re a feminine woman at core and you want to see your man be more masculine, demanding it out of him is coming from a more masculine place inside of you.

If your man is truly masculine at core he will either step into the masculine in competition with the masculine you are expressing (not a dynamic that works well in intimate relationships, remembering what we know about polarity!) or he will step back into a more feminine position as you are occupying the masculine space in the relationship.

If you want your man to step more into the masculine, the best approach is to step even further into your feminine and inspire him to step into the masculine by how you relate to him from that place.

Join me again next week when I will be sharing about the other four aspects of the feminine, and the impact they have on our lives…

…and if you liked this article, please share it using the buttons below.

Finally, if you’d like some free tips and advice on how to improve your relationship situation, pop over here now and check out our free video series “The First Steps to Transforming Any Relationship”

Wishing You Love,

Claire x

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The 11 Biggest Misperceptions About The Masculine – Part 2

Man woman masculine feminineLast week we began looking at the 11 biggest misperceptions about the masculine, but why is it important for us to understand them?

Unfortunately, working with both men and women around the world I see the consequences of the beliefs that both men and women hold about masculinity, and how it affects both them and their relationships.

So many men have lost touch with their sense of masculinity and it’s important for them to be able feel good about reclaiming their masculine power without feeling that they will be criticised for doing so, without misunderstanding what that really means (and therefore not wielding the power honourably) or that the burden of the mantle of the label ‘masculine’ will be too big.

The best way to navigate and avoid these potential challenges, is to truly understand what ‘the masculine’ means, and sometimes the best way to begin to understand what something is, is to understand what it is not.

So to celebrate that yesterday was international men’s day, here are the remaining biggest misperceptions of the masculine:

8. Masculine is not Invulnerable

Vulnerability is a real hot topic and major trigger point for many men. The belief that masculine equals strong, and vulnerability equals weakness creates a lot of misperceptions that the masculine cannot be vulnerable. In reality, vulnerability does not mean weakness at all. Vulnerable means ‘open to attack, harm or damage,’ which while a little scary does not imply weakness. In fact to risk being open to attack, harm or damage for the purposes of being also open to love, passion and connection takes real courage. Being vulnerable is courageous, and inside every masculine man beats the heart of a hero, ready to take brave risks for the purposes of a reward that’s worth it. Connecting with another’s heart takes courage, and the masculine is ready and willing to take that risk knowing the reward will give him more than he could possibly imagine.

9. Masculine is not Superior

There is this HUGE misperception that somewhere along the line someone decided that masculinity was in some way superior to femininity, and that the feminine was somehow less than its masculine counterpart. As with all opposite forces in nature, the masculine and feminine are EQUAL and opposite. That does not make them the same, it means that neither is better or worse, stronger or weaker than the other. The true masculine knows and respects the power of the feminine, and would never seek to diminish or demean it. The masculine does not feel more masculine by diminishing the feminine, and in fact understands that to diminish either actually disempowers them both. The real strength and power of the masculine and feminine comes when they combine, complementing each other’s strengths and weaknesses, where the whole becomes more than the sum of it’s parts.

10. Masculine is not Selfish

The masculine and feminine relate to their own needs in very different ways. The feminine, because of its nurturing nature, has a tendency to do its best to ensure that everyone else’s needs are met first, and because of its awareness of everything at all times gets easily distracted from its own needs. This means that the needs of the feminine tend to get met as a ‘last resort’ i.e. That the feminine meets its own needs when they get urgent, which tends of be at the last possible moment. On the flip side, the masculine tends to meet its needs immediately that it first becomes aware of them. If a masculine man is hungry, he eats (irrespective of whether dinner will be ready in 10 minutes), if he’s thirsty, he drinks, if he’s tired, he rests and if he needs the bathroom, he goes – the moment he’s aware of the need. As such women can sometimes view masculine men as selfish, putting their needs first above all others. What’s interesting is that in reality a big part of the reason the masculine ensures his needs get met immediately is because of the sense of responsibility he feels to provide and protect. If his needs aren’t met, if he’s hungry or tired, or needs the bathroom, this could impact his ability to provide and protect, meaning that he wouldn’t be able to look after the feminine and the family to the best of his ability. Often this process is happening at a subconscious level, he’s not even aware of it, but he looks after himself first to ensure that he can do the best job possible in taking care of the things he feels a responsibility for.

11. Masculine is not Inferior

Last, but by no means least, in the same way that the masculine is not superior to the feminine, it is not inferior either. Over the last 20-40 years the role of men in our culture has often become that of ridicule and mockery. The subconscious fear from many women that men won’t know how to wield their masculine power honourably and in a trustworthy way has led to them wanting to take this power from them. Emasculation in the form of humour has become a dominant part of our lives, and in the same way as undermining women disempowers both men and women, the same is true in the other direction too. If either sex believes it needs to take power from the other to feel powerful itself, it doesn’t understand the true meaning and nature of power. It comes from the inside out, not the outside in – you can’t take it from anyone else, and the attempt to do so only demonstrates an underlying feeling of insecurity and disempowerment. The jokes, eye rolls, and put downs at the expense of men and masculinity are equally offensive and damaging to men, women and relationships, as the equivalent slights against women did and continue to do. The true masculine and feminine seek to build each other up, rather than tear each other down, because it’s in combining our strengths that we really see what’s possible together.

So I’m curious, what are your experiences of the word masculine? Do any of the misperceptions I’ve mentioned above ring true for you? Have you felt that any of these were true at one point or another, and what did that mean for you and your relationships? Are you aware of other misperceptions about masculinity that have created some challenges for you?

…and watch this space because in the next couple of week’s I’ll be sharing the other side of the coin for you to understand what true masculine and real feminine is really all about…

With Love,

Claire x

The 11 Biggest Misperceptions About The Masculine – Part 1

man-164962_1280A while ago I posted an article explaining what feminine is not because the word ‘feminine’ has become so misunderstood that many women have actively avoided or denied any association with it.

Unfortunately I see a similar situation when it comes to the word masculine. When I hear the words masculine and feminine used in conversation they’re often associated with concepts or linked to ideas that have nothing at all to do with either.

Before I set the record straight on what masculinity IS, I wanted to help us to get clear on what it is not. So here are 10 commonly held misperceptions about the masculine that are untrue:

1. Masculine is not Neanderthal

So many people as soon as you mention the word masculine envisage a caveman with a club whose first instinct is to smack the nearest women over the head and drag her back to his cave. While I have no judgment if that’s your idea of a fun Saturday night, that’s not what the masculine is about, nor is it about macho peacocking behavior either. While masculine energy, aspects and behaviours might have evolved from our cavemen ancestors, these days he’s upright, out of the cave and knows how to respect and honour a woman of this day and age in a way that she’ll really respond to.

2. Masculine is not Aggressive

Many people equate masculinity with aggression, but aggression is simply a tool to cover an underlying sense of lack or insecurity. Empowered masculine energy is confident and assertive, but has no need to be aggressive. It doesn’t need to prove its power or strength, because it’s innate.

3. Masculine is not Arrogant

When people call to mind alpha males who are connected to their masculine, one of the biggest complaints is an air of arrogance. Like with the ‘masculine is not aggressive’ point, arrogance tends to come from a need to compensate from a lack of truly feeling confident in one’s own abilities and importance, creating a need to ‘prove’ and in doing so overinflate the ego in these areas. A man who truly owns his masculinity has no need to prove anything, and is confident in his value and abilities.

4. Masculine is not Lazy

Men tend to get a bad rap from us women because when we see them doing ‘nothing’ or doing the minimum required to get a job done, and often they get labeled as lazy. Compared to us and our constant and never-ending to-do lists, (and often our identity and sense of significance being tied to how busy we are and how much we have to do) doing less, or nothing seems unacceptable. In reality most men aren’t lazy at all, they are just incredibly aware of a desire to be efficient. Men know that in order to continue to perform, they need to relax, they need to have down time, they need to recharge their batteries, to continue to ‘do’ when they will no longer be effective is futile. The masculine sees inefficiency as a waste of energy and avoids it wherever possible.

5. Masculine is not Destructive

While we’re aware that masculine is competitive, we can sometimes misunderstand this as being destructive and expect a man to do whatever it takes to win, including destroying anything and anyone that gets in it’s path. In reality, the masculine is about rising to the challenge rather than destroying anything that threatens it’s potential to win. The true, empowered masculine doesn’t want to win by destroying another, it wants to win by being and becoming better itself. The masculine wants to win, but it wants to do so in an honourable way; if it has to take someone else out to get the prize, it knows it’s not truly won.

6. Masculine is not Void of Emotion

While the masculine does tend more to the logical, it also isn’t void of emotion either. Often the perception of a masculine man is a strong, silent type, who never speaks about how he feels, and doesn’t understand or relate well to his emotions. A man truly connected with his masculinity understands that we all have both masculine and feminine inside us, and that neither can flourish without the other. While emotions are not as dominant in the masculine as they are in the feminine, an embodied masculine man is connected to, understands and can communicate his emotions.

7. Masculine is not Infallible

The masculine can sometimes be perceived as being all-knowing, and sometimes it can feel like the masculine has to always get it ‘right.’ The responsibility of leading can weigh heavy on a man’s shoulders and the pressure he can put on himself to have all the answers can be immense. In reality, the true masculine regularly learning, growing and stepping up and into more of himself. Most importantly it is not just OK for the masculine to make mistakes, it’s important for him to be able to and give himself permission do so as it’s one of the most effective ways to learn and grow. Being masculine does not stop a man from being human, in fact the true masculine is wonderfully real, beautifully flawed and perfectly imperfect.

Come back next week to discover the final four, and in some ways the most important misperceptions about the masculine. Click here now to see part 2

So I’m curious, what are your experiences of the word masculine? Do any of the misperceptions I’ve mentioned above ring true for you? Have you felt that any of these were true at one point or another, and what did that mean for you and your relationships? Are you aware of other misperceptions about masculinity that have created some challenges for you?

…and watch this space because in the next couple of week’s I’ll be sharing the other side of the coin for you to understand what true masculine and real feminine is really all about…

With Love,

Claire x

LPPTV Episode 20 - How Can You Travel Together Without Ruining Your Relationship? - Claire Brummell, The Relationist, Love Polarity and Passion

How Do You Travel Together Without Ruining Your Relationship?

LPPTV Episode 20 - How Can You Travel Together Without Ruining Your Relationship? - Claire Brummell, The Relationist, Love Polarity and PassionI don’t know about you, but I can’t tell you about the number of trips that I’ve been on where a problem with the person I’ve been travelling with has really put a dampener on the trip.

Whether that person was a friend, a family member, a partner or even a stranger I met while on my trip, I can remember challenges with pretty much all of them at some time or another.

I can vividly recall (much to my embarrassment now) arguments in Epcot Centre in Orlando, on the streets of Prague and countless other destinations over the years.

…and unfortunately I’m not alone.

From a recent piece of research, it was discovered that when travelling with a partner, 79% of people have at least 2 big fights on a trip, 62% fight daily and for a shocking 12% of couples the problems on a trip caused a relationship to end.

I’ve also been in that last group too.

But why does travelling with someone else create such challenges?  Well, when you’re together, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, it puts a magnifying glass on your relationship.  The good stuff gets better…and the challenges, well, they can seem overwhelming.

So when someone asked me how you can travel with someone, friend, family member, partner, or even someone you’ve just met, without it ruining both your trip and your relationship…and even how the experience of travel can improve your relationship, I had to record an episode of LPPTV to share with you.

So how do you travel together without ruining your relationship?  Watch the video now to find out…

Tweet the Love… In Order To Prevent Challenges When Travelling Make Sure You Communicate @LovePPassion

…and if you’re planning a trip with someone and want even more tips and advice on how travelling together can enhance and improve your trip and your relationship, click here now to see the videos I mention above.

Now I’d love to hear from you. Have you ever travelled with someone else?  How did it go? Was it smooth sailing? Or did you have some problems? Has travelling with someone else ruined a trip? Or a relationship? Have you tried what I mentioned in the video? Did it work for you?  Has the video brought up any questions?

Or, is there a question that you would like me to answer on a future episode of LPPTV? What is the one thing you’d like to know? What is the biggest challenge you’re facing in your relationship situation right now?

Please share with as much detail as you can because your insight and questions may provide a breakthrough for someone else and I guarantee if you’re thinking it, someone else is too and they could benefit from you having the courage to share your thoughts and questions.

Thank you in advance for having the courage to share and being kind and understanding in the comments.

…and if you haven’t already, be sure to get your hands on the FREE video series “The First Steps to Transforming Any Relationship” by clicking here now.

Wishing You Love,

Claire x

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What is feminine not?

What Is Feminine Not?

What is feminine not?When people learn the name of my website, one of the first questions I get asked is ‘What is Polarity?’

Having answered this question in Episode 6 of LPPTV, the next two questions tend to come quite quickly. Having learned that polarity is the natural attraction between the masculine and the feminine, the next obvious questions are ‘what is feminine’ and ‘what is masculine’?

But before I answer the question ‘what is feminine’ it’s important to answer the question what is feminine not.

When most people think of the word feminine, they tend to bring to mind concepts and images that don’t reflect the reality of femininity, and are often very negative. There are so many misperceptions about what the word feminine actually means, and I think it’s important that we address these up front.

Over the last couple of decades, the word feminine (unless referring to the latest Ralph Lauren line) hasn’t always been seen as the most flattering description for a woman.

A few summers ago when Susan Walsh suggested that women “try on” femininity for a short while to see how it fitted, one woman remarked that she saw being described as the most feminine member of staff at her place of work insulting as she believed that feminine = weak and that it meant that she wasn’t being taken seriously.

Does Feminine = Weak?

So let’s start with weakness.  Feminine has about as much to do with weakness as Manolo Blahnik has to do with aubergines.  In fact, a genuinely feminine woman who is connected to her femininity is incredibly powerful; feminine strength just presents itself in a different way to masculine strength.  Masculine strength comes from tension and contraction whereas feminine strength comes from flow and flexibility.  A feminine woman is a force of nature.  Watch a feminine woman walk into a room and ask any man in there whether femininity is weakness, and you’ll get your answer.

Does Feminine = Submission?

Another common misperception is that being feminine involves being submissive and appeasing people around you (especially men).  If you look at the definition of submission in the dictionary it talks about ‘yielding to a superior force’. Again, nothing could be further from the truth. There is no better or worse when it comes to the masculine and feminine, they are equal and opposite to each other, each have their unique strengths and weaknesses. So the feminine is complementary to the masculine, not inferior to it in any way shape or form. Connecting with the feminine is about being true to yourself, finding your inner feminine strength and self respect and bringing the best of who you naturally are to complement the masculine in both yourself, and in those around you.

Does Feminine = Pink and Fluffy?

I’ve also heard several women say that being feminine is about being girly, pink and fluffy, or replicating old-fashioned domesticity.  Every time I hear femininity described in this way, it is always followed up with a comment along the lines of “but that’s not who I am”.  Femininity comes from the inside out;  it’s not something that you ‘put on’ in order to give an appearance, it has nothing to do with any colour, style of dress, accessories, hair styles or make up.  Femininity is only true femininity when it’s totally authentic.

Does Feminine = Non-Feminist?

Let’s be clear about this.  Feminism is all about equality.  Femininity has nothing to do with refuting equality, in fact I’m a fully subscribed feminist, and I’m a very feminine woman.  The reason so many people believe that femininity and feminism can’t co-exist is that they’ve misunderstood equal to be ‘The Same’.  Men and women are not the same, we are equal and opposite. Masculine is no better or worse, stronger or weaker than feminine, they’re just different.  They are equal and opposite, like many forces in nature, the positive and negative on a battery, the north and south on a magnet, day and night, light and dark. None of these is stronger or weaker without the other, and neither part of any pair can exist without the other.  The same is true of masculinity and femininity.  So can you be feminine and a feminist? Oh yes.

Does Feminine = Anti-men?

Being anti-men is not pro-women, in fact, being anti-anyone and everyone loses.  Femininity is nothing to do with being anti-men, in fact a feminine woman has great respect for the men in her life, as a masculine man has great respect for the women in his life.

So I’d like to hear from you now.  What comes to YOUR mind when you hear the word feminine or femininity?  Have you ever thought that feminine was weak? Or Submissive? Or against feminism? Or Pink and Fluffy? What have your experiences of femininity been? What are your questions about femininity?

…and if you liked this article, please share it using the buttons below!

Finally, if you’d like some free tips and advice on how to improve your relationship situation, pop over here now and check out our free video series “The First Steps to Transforming Any Relationship”

Wishing You Love,

Claire x

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LPPTV Episode 6 – What Is Polarity?

LPPTV Episode 6 - What Is Polarity? - Claire Brummell, The Relationist, Love Polarity and PassionWhen I was first learning about relationships, there was one concept in particular that completely transformed both how I saw myself, and my understanding of relationships.

It was the understanding that led me to launch my first website, Feminine 1st, and it’s a crucial part of the work I teach today.

It’s also the concept that is least known and understood by most of the people I work with.

It’s a concept that isn’t talked about much, and I’d never heard of before I began my own journey in learning about relationships several years ago.

It’s also one of the things I get asked about most when people learn that my business is called “Love Polarity & Passion”

In this episode of LPPTV I answer the question “What Is Polarity?”

Tweet the Love… Polarity Is The Natural Magnetic Attraction Between The Masculine and The Feminine @LovePPassion

Now I’d love to hear from you.

What has your experience of this been?  Have you experienced this magnetic attraction to someone who is your polar opposite? Have you experienced two masculine energies pushing each other away? Can you see now what has been missing in your relationship? Have you got any questions about Polarity, Masculine and Feminine? What are the challenges you’re facing with this?

Or, ask me a question that you would like me to answer on a future episode of LPPTV, what is the one thing you’d like to know? What is the biggest challenge you’re facing in your relationship situation right now?

Please share with as much detail as you can because your insight and questions may provide a breakthrough for someone else and I guarantee if you’re thinking it, someone else is too and they could benefit from you having the courage to share your thoughts and questions.

Thank you in advance for having the courage to share and being kind and understanding in the comments.

…and if you haven’t already, be sure to get your hands on the FREE video series “The First Steps to Transforming Any Relationship” by clicking here now.

Wishing You Love,

Claire x

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Are men's and women's brains really that different?

Are men’s and women’s brains REALLY that different?

Are men's and women's brains really that different?At a gut level we’ve always known that men and women are fundamentally different.

We didn’t need a research paper to tell us that men and women have very different approaches, motivations, thought processes and emotional responses to life…just listen to any couple arguing and the differences are apparent.

But nevertheless the research released recently from Penn Medicine at the University of Pennsylvania that reveals striking differences in the brains of men and women is beneficial for everyone to pay attention to.

Why?

While most of us might ‘know’ we’re different, the trouble is that we have a tendency to forget. Often.

When we’re trying to communicate with our partner, or worse are involved in a ‘heated difference of opinion’, we have a bad habit of thinking that inside they think, feel and act the same as we do…it’s just the external packaging looks a little different.

So we’re surprised when they don’t seem to ‘get’ us…when they don’t agree with us or see our point of view.

Even more dangerous is the assumption we make in these situations that our way is the ‘right’ way…and all they need is to be convinced of this and everyone would be happy (when in reality all it does is frustrate and annoy them).

Understanding our brains…

So if we only understood a little more about HOW we’re different, life could be so much easier.

This is one of the reasons that I began doing the work I do now…helping people around the world to transform their relationships.  I find human beings fascinating…and when I began to look into and understand the differences between men and women so much became clear.

The reasons that so many people have trouble in their relationships and why I’d had so many difficulties with men in the past.

I was stunned to learn that it wasn’t all their fault!

It was that we simply didn’t understand each other…and had no idea how to communicate with someone so different to ourselves.

The more I understood, the more important it seemed to share this knowledge and information with others…because so many people’s lives could be made easier and far more enjoyable if we knew this stuff.

Now, before I continue I want to recognise that my work in this area often works with generalisations.  Of course there are exceptions on both sides, but in my experience and research, this is what is true for the vast majority.  If you’re different, that’s OK, if you’re not, that’s OK too.  There is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’, there just is, but understanding what COULD be going on, and what in my experience is likely to be going on can really help.

How are our brains different?

So what does the study tell us?

One of the things that the study explains is that in the largest part of the brain, men’s brains have a greater degree of connectivity within each individual hemisphere, whereas in women there is a greater degree of connectivity between the two hemispheres of the brain.

One of the implications of this is that men are naturally inclined to be better at focusing on one thing at a time, and women are naturally inclined to be able to move between not just different things, but also different TYPES of things.  Now, neither of these approaches is ‘better’ or ‘worse’ – they’re just different, but understanding this could make a huge difference in your relationship.

For example if you’re a woman talking to your partner, the interconnections in your brain will mean that the conversation may jump about…one minute you can be talking about work, the next you’re onto what you’re doing at the weekend, the next you’re saying how you are feeling about something that’s happening with a friend of yours.  If you’re talking to another woman she’s likely to be able to follow your thought-train and stay with you as your thoughts and ideas jump around from subject to subject.  To you, there will be nothing wrong with this, and it will be perfectly normal and make sense for a conversation to move about in this way.

If you’re talking to a man though, he’s likely to get frustrated with a conversation that jumps around and doesn’t seem to achieve anything (by completing the individual topics as you go).  He would prefer to speak about one thing at a time so you can have his full and complete focus on one item before moving onto the next topic, and he may want a moment to mentally make the switch to a new conversation.

If you don’t allow him to deal with only one topic at a time, not only is he likely to get frustrated, but he’s also likely to miss aspects of what you’re saying because his brain isn’t designed to jump around from topic to topic like yours.  When that starts to happen it’s possible that you could get frustrated because you might equate him not following your conversation thread as ‘not listening’…when in reality his brain just isn’t designed to process information that way.

Likewise if you have to slow down and deal with only one thing at a time, you may get frustrated as you may not remember (and therefore be able to come back to) all the other thoughts that came up when you were discussing point number one.

If you understand this, and see the big picture, you can see how difficulties and arguments can arise.

When you understand the brains, you understand the relationship better

…and this is just one of the ways in which men and women differ!  When you start to build up the full picture you can begin to spot the potential pitfalls before they even occur.

More importantly you can begin to work WITH your partner (sometimes with a little external advice or support) to figure out a way around these situations that takes into consideration both of your strengths and limitations…and that works for you both.

In a nutshell, this study tells us that men and women’s brains each do something really well that the other isn’t designed to be as good at.  In many ways, they are opposite.

In other words, they are complementary….so if we can understand how to get them to work together, they’d be unstoppable.

So rather than looking at where you’re right and your partner is wrong, or trying to get them to do things ‘your way’…take this opportunity to realise that you both have strengths, and you both have weaknesses…but together you can be the best of both worlds.

If you can begin to understand each other better, you can avoid the arguments and learn to communicate in a way they can really understand.

…and that makes everyone happier.

Wishing You Love,

Claire x