LPPTV Episode 26 - What 1 secret will make Christmas better for any relationship situation? - Claire Brummell, The Relationist, Love Polarity and Passion

What 1 Secret Will Make Christmas Better For ANY Relationship Situation?

LPPTV Episode 26 - What 1 secret will make Christmas better for any relationship situation? - Claire Brummell, The Relationist, Love Polarity and PassionChristmas can be a really challenging time for relationships.  It doesn’t seem to matter what your relationship situation is, whether you’re single, you’ve newly met someone or have been together for years, Christmas can create some difficulties.

If you’re single the holiday season can seem to be a minefield of happy couples, relatives questioning when you’re finally going to meet that special someone and celebrations that you’d really rather attend with a plus one.

If you’re in a relationship and things seem to be going well, there can be a pressure to create the ‘Perfect Christmas,’ where everything is magical and each moment is filled with Christmas sparkle.

And if you’re in a relationship where things aren’t as ‘Merry and Bright’ as you would ideally like, the multitude of festive stresses from finances, to gift giving, to spending time with the family and juggling the Christmas cooking can create explosions out of the smallest disagreements.

Everyone at this time of year tends to be looking for advice on how to have the best Christmas possible.  Given that the season is usually about spending time with your nearest and dearest having a secret that can help you to have the best Christmas ever, regardless of your relationship status and situation, is pretty helpful.

So today I share with you the 1 secret that will make your Christmas more enjoyable for you and those around you, regardless of whether you’re single, have just met your partner, or have been together for years. Watch the video now to find out how this secret can help you to have the best Christmas possible…

Tweet the Love… The Best Gift You Can Give This Year Is Simply Being Present @LovePPassion

Now I’d love to hear from you. Are you concerned about relationship challenges at Christmas? Are you single and dreading the family gatherings? Are you worried about arguments ruining the festivities? Have you tried what I suggest in the video and found it’s made a real difference? Do you think this would be helpful from your experience? Has the video brought up any questions?

Or, is there a question that you would like me to answer on a future episode of LPPTV? What is the one thing you’d like to know? What is the biggest challenge you’re facing in your relationship situation right now?

Please share with as much detail as you can because your insight and questions may provide a breakthrough for someone else and I guarantee if you’re thinking it, someone else is too and they could benefit from you having the courage to share your thoughts and questions.

Thank you in advance for having the courage to share and being kind and understanding in the comments.

…and if you haven’t already, be sure to get your hands on the FREE video series “The First Steps to Transforming Any Relationship” by clicking here now.

Wishing You A Wonderful Christmas Filled With Love, Laughter and Special Memories.

With Love,

Claire x

Did you like this content? Sign up for updates…It’s FREE!

Couple Christmas Kissing

Last Christmas?

Couple Christmas KissingI love Christmas time.

It’s all about fun, family, friends…a season of magic to warm up the chill of winter outside. It’s a chance to be a big kid (not that I need any excuse!) and indulge in all the things that we spend the rest of the year saying “oh I shouldn’t…” to.

It’s also the time of year where you get to hear from people that you haven’t heard from in the last 12 months, and often haven’t seen in much longer.

When the Christmas cards start appearing, it’s great hearing all the little bits of news that get included with the greetings inside.

A couple of years ago, however, one card had some news that we weren’t expecting.

News that came as quite a shock.

A family friend wrote and told us that her son lost his battle with colon cancer in the November before.

He was 30.

Now…this might sound like a bit of a depressing topic to be sharing just before Christmas…but bear with me…there is a string of festive fairy lights at the end of the tunnel, I promise.

I would like to say that Steven is the first person who I have known who has parted this life early. Unfortunately I can’t.

I lost a dear friend from university to cancer in her early twenties, one of my parents’ closest friends lost his wife to a sudden brain haemorrhage, my sister lost a friend from school to cancer, and a few years back a friend and shining light in the salsa dancing community was taken from us in a car accident at the age of 24.

This recent sudden loss cause me to reflect on this a lot…and it occurred to me that none of the people I have mentioned here would have had any clue that their last Christmas, was their last Christmas.

If they had known, if their families and loved ones had known, what would they have done differently? If they had the chance to have another ‘last Christmas’ what would they do to make it the most magical of all?

Now, I hope for myself and each and every one of you that we will all live long and happy lives into old age, spending many Christmases to come filled with fun and laughter, surrounded by friends and family all driving us crazy and creating more special memories together.

But if this were your last Christmas, what would YOU do to make it the most magical? What would you make sure you said to the people you love? How would you enjoy every single moment?

What are the insignificant niggles that you would let go because they just don’t matter? What are the moments that you would take a mental photograph of? How would you make every minute with the people you care about most matter? What could you do to make it the best Christmas you and your family and friends have ever had?

As some of you know, when I was doing my marathon training a few years back I had a revelation which totally changed the experience of running for me.

I realised that there must be hundreds of thousands of people in the world who would love to be able to experience what I was doing on my morning run, but couldn’t (for whatever reason). So I began running for them.

Each session was dedicated to someone else who couldn’t run for themselves…and when I ran, I ran the way I imagined that they would if they had the opportunity to run just once. It was a total game changer for me. Something which once felt like a chore became an incredible experience filled with gratitude and fun.

Now I know, that every single one of those people who didn’t realise that they were experiencing their last Christmas would LOVE the opportunity to have just one last festive season with their closest family and friends, and their family and friends would give anything to have one last Christmas with the person who’s no longer here with us.

A couple of years ago I took this message to heart and added a new tradition to my Christmas celebrations. I wanted to take the festive season as a prompt, a reminder to tell the people closest to me how I feel about them, to say thank you to them and to let them know how much they mean to me.

Christmas Thank yousSo every year, normally on Christmas Eve, I take the time to sit down and write a personal thank you note to each of the members of my family. I remind them of fun times we’ve had together, of memories from my childhood, of moments we’ve shared in the past year. I let them know how grateful I am for them, for the relationship we have and how much I love them.

I always shed a tear or two of love and appreciation when writing these letters, and the response they get always touches my heart. My 85 year old Grandmother is not normally one for sentiment, but she has often said how those letters, reminding her of special moments we shared when I was young, taking a moment to say all the things we forget to say most of the time, really mean something to her.

What started off as a single piece of inspiration, is now a Christmas tradition…and one that I always look forward to as I know every Christmas my family and loved ones get to hear, from my heart to theirs, just how much they mean to me.

So maybe this year as well as all the boxes and presents under your tree there could be a few simple envelopes that contain in them a gift that is priceless, for the people you care most about?  Hearing in your words how much they mean to you.

I’m sure that every single one of us knows someone who didn’t know they were having their last Christmas with someone special, whether they are the person who is still here, or the one who left before they expected to.

So how about this year we choose to celebrate this Christmas in their spirit? Enjoy every moment of this Christmas season the way that they would if they had the chance to do it again. To soak up every second and make memories which we will all cherish.

…and why not celebrate every special occasion…even every day like it were our last? We would focus on the best of each moment, and instantly dismiss any minor frustrations which don’t mean anything when you look at the big picture. What memories we would create!

I don’t know about you…but if my lifetime is going to be the long and happy one that I fully intend for it to be, then I want it to be filled with THOSE kinds of memories. 😀

How about you?

I wish every single one of you a Christmas celebrated with the people who you love as if it were the last you were going to get. One filled with happiness, laughter and love.

With Love,

Claire x

When to say "F*ck That" to Gratitude

When to say ‘F*ck That’ to gratitude

When to say "F*ck That" to GratitudeI’m all for an attitude of gratitude, in fact I’ve spent a lot of time blogging about it over the past 3-4 years.

If you’d prefer to read a nice, happy, focus on the positive blog post to celebrate this day of thanks, then my advice is to cut your losses now and head over to one of these other posts:

http://feminine1st.com/life-as-a-woman/the-attitude-of-gratitude/

http://feminine1st.com/life-as-a-woman/can-you-always-find-the-gratitude/

http://feminine1st.com/life-as-a-woman/grateful-things-dont-work-way-planned-expected/

http://feminine1st.com/life-as-a-woman/how-often-do-you-thank-you/

If you’re looking for a real, honest, pull no punches, I wanna get down to the nitty-gritty post, keep reading.

As we know, gratitude is a game-changer.

It’s the antidote to a lot of the emotions we label as ‘negative’.

It’s not possible to feel gratitude and fear at the same time, it’s not possible to feel gratitude and anger at the same time, it’s not possible to feel gratitude and judgment at the same time.

In fact a good old dose of gratitude can pretty much help you feel better in the midst of any emotional challenge.

…and therein lies the problem.

Feeling authentically grateful, because that’s the emotion that’s primary in your life at any point in time is wonderful.

But the challenge for a lot of us is that we try to use gratitude as a tool, to avoid, or distract ourselves from the other emotions we’re feeling and experiencing. In short, to make ourselves feel better when we’re really feeling something else instead.

I mean, who’d want to feel angry, if you can go for gratitude instead?

Who’d choose sadness over feeling grateful?

Who’d opt for disappointment over being thankful?

When we are faced with the alternative of something that, let’s face it, feel’s pretty crappy, why would you feel that over something that feels so much better?

Well, the answer is, because every emotion serves a purpose. It’s our body’s way of processing the experiences that we’re having. If we feel angry, there’s a reason for it, something has happened to trigger anger in us and it’s important for us to allow ourselves to be in the emotion, to feel the anger fully, in order that it can serve its purpose and we can learn from it and let it go.

If we don’t allow ourselves to feel it, we don’t ever really process the situation, instead we end up holding onto it (and the emotion), and it just sits deep inside us festering and fermenting away until one day it pops up unexpectedly out of nowhere and rears it’s ugly head.

Because now we’re not just dealing with the emotion, we’re dealing with the emotion + interest.

Being thanksgiving, I was going to write an article today about gratitude.

I had a few options available to me.

Maybe a piece about how shifting to a perspective of gratitude towards your partner instead of focusing on their shortcomings can transform a relationship (which it can, by the way).

Or a nice article on how feeling grateful for our heartbreaks can transform the experience and help you to see how each one has given you something and contributed to your learning along the way (again, a very valid topic), along similar lines to the final section in this piece: http://feminine1st.com/relationships/changed-experience-heartbreak-forever/.

Or perhaps a blog about how being grateful for yourself is the first step to having a better relationship with anyone (another important thing to know).

And then I realised that there are a million articles like that out there (especially today of all days) but not very many that actually give you permission NOT to be thankful when you’re actually feeling something else.

For example, I do genuinely believe that everything happens for a reason in life. I do believe that every heartbreak taught me something. I do believe that each broken heart ultimately was a gift. It was something to be grateful for.

But in the moment, at the point at which you can feel your heart shattering into a million pieces, if someone comes along and points out that it’s for the best and one day you’ll be grateful that this has happened, your first instinct is to say “F*ck That!”

Not “I don’t feel that way at the moment,” not “I’m sorry, but this feels crappy and I’m not ready to see the silver lining yet,” but literally “F*ck That.”

The F word has a certain power to it. If it’s used all the time, it can lose that power and just becomes another word in your vocabulary. But if it’s used sparingly and only when that level of emphasis and charge is needed, it can be very cathartic.

Because trying to make yourself feel better when you’re in the midst of a painful experience is an insult to your emotions. It diminishes and dishonours what you’re going through.

And if anyone is trying to diminish your emotions and your experience (whether it’s you or someone else), the “F*ck that” response says: That’s not acceptable. I will not allow it. No.

That is a response you have every right to, because this is you respecting yourself, respecting your emotions, respecting your experience and taking back your power.

Not only do you have every right to say “F*ck That,” but it’s actually preferable.

Because you can’t get to genuine gratitude unless you go through the emotions first.

And at that point, at the point of pain, the situation just plain sucks.

It hurts.

It’s not good.

There seems no reason good enough for the fact that you’re feeling the way you feel.

You don’t want to feel it.

You don’t like feeling it.

But doing anything else is ultimately doing yourself a disservice.

So cry. Wail. Shout and scream. Sob into a cushion, and beat the crap out of a beanbag (my personal favourite in situations like these).

Talk to Friends. Spend a day under the duvet.

Be with it.

Be in it.

Feel it.

Experience it.

And when it’s served its purpose, you then have the choice to be able to release the emotion and let it go.

Then you can begin to think clearly about it.

You can begin to get some perspective. You can start to look for the lessons, the learnings, the gifts.

At this point you can allow yourself to step into gratitude, and step into it fully, completely, unreservedly and whole-heartedly.

So the next time you find yourself feeling a strong ‘negative’ emotion, you have my full permission to say “F*ck That” to that false, distracting gratitude, and instead allow yourself to actually feel what’s there first.

Because when you go through the emotion first, you can actually get to the other side, after which you can get to genuine gratitude.

Put simply, saying “F*ck that” to false gratitude is the path to experiencing REAL gratitude.

…and there are very few things more powerful in this world than genuine, from the heart, I feel it in my soul gratitude.

I invite you to Tweet the Love… Saying f*ck that to false gratitude is the path to REAL gratitude @LovePPassion

Now I’d like to know what you think. Have you learned to say “F*ck That” to false gratitude? Have you experienced it as the path to real, genuine gratitude? Does it feel like an edge for you? Does this resonate with you? Or do you think I’m totally wrong? Is it something that feels uncomfortable? What have YOUR experiences with this been?

And on thanksgiving I give you permission to say “F*ck That” to cheap imitations of gratefulness, the ones employed to distract, avoid and ‘make us feel better’, and instead to make the powerful choice to only embrace and express gratitude that is real.

In the short-term it can feel like it sucks, but in the long-term it’s the key to real, genuine emotional freedom.

And there’s no other feeling like it.

With Love,

Claire x

P.S. If you’d like some free tips and advice on how to create your perfectly imperfect relationship, pop over here now and check out our free video series “The First Steps to Transforming Any Relationship”

Coming Soon…

heart-19838_1280 Coming Soon - 500

3 years, 2 months, 13 days, 23 hours, 41 minutes ago

Our Blog will be bursting to life

on Thursday 13th February

…be sure to come back then to check it out!