LPPTV Episode 6 – What Is Polarity?

LPPTV Episode 6 - What Is Polarity? - Claire Brummell, The Relationist, Love Polarity and PassionWhen I was first learning about relationships, there was one concept in particular that completely transformed both how I saw myself, and my understanding of relationships.

It was the understanding that led me to launch my first website, Feminine 1st, and it’s a crucial part of the work I teach today.

It’s also the concept that is least known and understood by most of the people I work with.

It’s a concept that isn’t talked about much, and I’d never heard of before I began my own journey in learning about relationships several years ago.

It’s also one of the things I get asked about most when people learn that my business is called “Love Polarity & Passion”

In this episode of LPPTV I answer the question “What Is Polarity?”

Tweet the Love… Polarity Is The Natural Magnetic Attraction Between The Masculine and The Feminine @LovePPassion

Now I’d love to hear from you.

What has your experience of this been?  Have you experienced this magnetic attraction to someone who is your polar opposite? Have you experienced two masculine energies pushing each other away? Can you see now what has been missing in your relationship? Have you got any questions about Polarity, Masculine and Feminine? What are the challenges you’re facing with this?

Or, ask me a question that you would like me to answer on a future episode of LPPTV, what is the one thing you’d like to know? What is the biggest challenge you’re facing in your relationship situation right now?

Please share with as much detail as you can because your insight and questions may provide a breakthrough for someone else and I guarantee if you’re thinking it, someone else is too and they could benefit from you having the courage to share your thoughts and questions.

Thank you in advance for having the courage to share and being kind and understanding in the comments.

…and if you haven’t already, be sure to get your hands on the FREE video series “The First Steps to Transforming Any Relationship” by clicking here now.

Wishing You Love,

Claire x

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LPPTV Episode 5 - Why Is Rejection Awesome? - Claire Brummell, The Relationist, Love Polarity and Passion

LPPTV Episode 5 – Why Is Rejection Awesome?

LPPTV Episode 5 - Why Is Rejection Awesome? - Claire Brummell, The Relationist, Love Polarity and PassionWhen working with men and women around the world the one fear that comes up time and time and time again is ‘rejection’.

Everyone seems to be afraid of rejection.

In fact, most people are downright terrified of it.

People will do almost anything to avoid rejection: Twist themselves into a pretzel to be the person they think someone else will want, hide the ‘real them’ in case the other person doesn’t appreciate them…even avoid relationships completely!

Now these might seem like extreme tactics, but in my experience most people have done at least one of these things at some point in their lives.

All because they didn’t want to be rejected.

But I think that rejection has had a bad rap.  In fact, I think rejection could become your best friend and ally in the world of dating and relationships.

I’d even go so far as to say that rejection can be AWESOME.

Have I lost my marbles?

You’ll have to watch the video to find out…

Tweet the Love… Celebrate The Wrong Person Walking Away, They’re Making Space For The Right One @LovePPassion

Now I’d love to hear from you.

What has your experience of this been?  Have you been rejected by someone, only to find someone later who seems so much more right for you?  Have you been distraught at the end of a relationship, only to realise later that actually it’s been the best thing to happen to you?  Are you grateful that someone has rejected you in the past, because it helped you find the person you were meant to be with?  Are you currently struggling with rejection, and do you have any questions about how to deal with it? What are the challenges you’ve faced with rejection?

Or, ask me a question that you would like me to answer on a future episode of LPPTV, what is the one thing you’d like to know? What is the biggest challenge you’re facing in your relationship situation right now?

Please share with as much detail as you can because your insight and questions may provide a breakthrough for someone else and I guarantee if you’re thinking it, someone else is too and they could benefit from you having the courage to share your thoughts and questions.

Thank you in advance for having the courage to share and being kind and understanding in the comments.

…and if you haven’t already, be sure to get your hands on the FREE video series “The First Steps to Transforming Any Relationship” by clicking here now.

Wishing You Love,

Claire x

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LPPTV Episode 4 - How Do I Get Any Girl (or Guy)? - Claire Brummell, The Relationist, Love Polarity and Passion

LPPTV Episode 4 – How Do I Get Any Girl (or Guy) I Want?

LPPTV Episode 4 - How Do I Get Any Girl (or Guy)? - Claire Brummell, The Relationist, Love Polarity and PassionMost of us have wondered at some point or another in our dating history how we can get someone to like us.

We’ve met someone who we felt really attracted to, who we wanted to date, or to have a relationship with, but for some reason they didn’t seem to feel the same.

It’s frustrating, it can hurt…and it can definitely lead us to ask if there’s anything we can do to change the situation.

Most of us have wondered whether there is a secret to being able to get any guy or any girl that we set our sights on…but rarely do I meet people who have the courage to ask such a direct question.

This week, however, one of these people found me!

So today I’m answering another question from an LPPTV viewer.  Vikash asks:

“How Do I Get Any Girl I Want?

Tweet the Love… Rather Than Trying To Get Any Girl, Learn How To Attract The Right Woman For You @LovePPassion

Tweet the Love… Rather Than Trying To Get Any Man, Learn How To Attract The Right Man For You @LovePPassion

Now I’d love to hear from you.

Have you had a situation like this?  Have you realised some time later that the person you used to want, actually wasn’t right for you?  Have you been through the transition from wanting any girl or guy to focusing on the ‘right person’ for you?  What changed for you when this happened?  What are the challenges that you’ve had with this kind of situation?

Or, ask me a question that you would like me to answer on a future episode of LPPTV, what is the one thing you’d like to know? What is the biggest challenge you’re facing in your relationship situation right now?

Please share with as much detail as you can because your insight and questions may provide a breakthrough for someone else and I guarantee if you’re thinking it, someone else is too and they could benefit from you having the courage to share your thoughts and questions.

Thank you in advance for having the courage to share and being kind and understanding in the comments.

…and if you haven’t already, be sure to get your hands on the FREE video series “The First Steps to Transforming Any Relationship” by clicking here now.

Wishing You Love,

Claire x

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Settling in a relationship

Are you settling in your relationship?

Settling in a relationship

Last week I shared an article asking ‘Are you expecting the perfect relationship?’ and inviting you to consider the benefits of looking for a perfectly imperfect relationship.

This week I’m showing you the other side of the coin.

Because as much as we don’t want to be giving up on relationships because they aren’t ‘perfect’, we also don’t want to be selling ourselves short and settling for less than we want, need and deserve in a relationship either.

We all have an idea in our mind of what we want out of our relationship, and how we would like it to be.  While we need to be conscious of seeking perfection from ourselves, from our partner (or potential partner) or from our relationship, we also need to be careful that we don’t compromise ourselves for the sake of a relationship.

In that idea of how we would like our relationship to be, there are some things that are ‘nice to haves if possible’, there are some things that are ‘would really want to haves’ and then there are some that are the ‘must haves’: the deal-breakers.

As much as we want to avoid holding up an impossible standard of perfection, we also want to make sure that we’re not compromising on our deal-breakers just to try and make a relationship work.

Love is a powerful force, and sometimes feeling loved by another person can cause us to question the values that we hold most dear….and sometimes if it deteriorates over time we don’t even notice it happening.  However it’s important to love yourself enough to know that you deserve a relationship that honours and meets your highest values.

Tweet the Love… Love yourself enough to choose a relationship that honours and meets your highest values @LovePPassion

Different people have different deal-breakers, but we all have them.  Whether yours include honesty, kindness, openness, fidelity, respect, integrity or a good sense of humour, it’s important to ensure that you respect yourself enough not to sacrifice the qualities that are most important to you for someone else.

So am I saying that the second someone breaks one of these values you should kick them to the curb?  Not necessarily.

We all make mistakes in life…I can’t say that I’ve lived my highest values every second of every day of my life without exception, but I don’t break them on a regular basis either.

So if someone makes a mistake and breaks one of your highest values once, it CAN sometimes be an opportunity for you to communicate with each other, to connect, to understand each other better and to actually grow as a couple.  If you can be open and honest about the situation, how you feel about it, and they understand and are genuinely willing to honour the values that you hold in highest regard going forward, it can be a situation that is not only overcome, but strengthens your relationship.

However, if a pattern emerges of the other person neglecting to meet your deal-breakers, then I would strongly recommend taking a step back and considering if this relationship is really serving you and meeting your needs, and potentially seeking help and advice from an expert to help you figure out the best decision for you (click here if you’d like to find out more about getting help from Love Polarity & Passion with a situation like this).

…and as a relationship specialist, there are a few patterns of behaviour that if you experience them with your partner, I would strongly recommend seeking professional help or advice sooner rather than later:

  • Abusive behaviour – Physical, mental, verbal, emotional, sexual…abuse can come in many forms, if you’re experiencing any kind of abuse in your relationship it’s important to get some advice on how to deal with the situation.
  • A pattern of dishonesty – Honesty is the bedrock of any relationship, without it your relationship is based on false beliefs rather than reality, if your partner can’t be honest with you or you can’t be honest with them it’s time to seek some advice.
  • A pattern of infidelity – If either partner has chosen on numerous occasions to be unfaithful in a relationship which is based on an understanding or expectation of monogamy there are some fundamental challenges in the relationship that could benefit from some professional insights.
  • An active addiction that is not being addressed – Addiction can also come in many forms, drink, drugs, gambling, sex, to name just a few.  As addictions have such a hold on the addict, if the addiction is not being addressed it can have a huge impact on the relationship as well, so seeking some guidance can definitely help.
  • Controlling / Manipulative behaviour – If either partner feels the need or desire to control or manipulate the other, or either partner feels controlled or manipulated by the other it can subtly (and sometimes not-so subtly) erode the relationship, seeking help and advice on these behaviours is definitely advised.

As with everything in life, the key to this is Balance.  We need to find the sweet spot between looking perfection and sacrificing our core needs and values.  In my experience having between 6-12 real deal-breakers is pretty reasonable.

When the numbers start going up too far from there, I’d ask yourself whether they really are deal-breakers?  If your perfect partner showed up tomorrow but had that one quality, would it be enough to turn them away?  Likewise, if you’ve got many less than that I’d ask you to check in with yourself that you’re really looking after your needs in the relationship.

So now I’d like to hear from you: What are your deal-breakers? What questions do you have about settling, looking for perfection and finding the balance in between?   Leave me a comment below to share your thoughts and questions.

…and if you liked this article, please share it using the buttons below!

Finally, if you’d like some free tips and advice on how to create your perfectly imperfect relationship, pop over here now and check out our free video series “The First Steps to Transforming Any Relationship”

Wishing You Love,

Claire x

Happily Ever After2

Are you expecting a ‘perfect relationship’?

Happily Ever After2Do you recognise this kind of ‘perfect’ relationship…?

Once upon a time, in a land far far away, there lived a Princess.

This princess had lived her whole life waiting for her Prince Charming to arrive.

Prince Charming would cross countries and and slay dragons to prove his love to the Princess.

When he came for her, she knew that he would sweep her up in his arms, kiss her like she’s never been kissed before, and would create with her a life of love, laughter and the creation of nothing but happy memories.

When they found each other, everything would be perfect.

They would be soul mates.

They would be lovers.

They would be best friends.

They would agree on everything.

He would never say or do anything that would upset her.

She would never say or do anything that would upset him.

They would never argue.

They would have a perfect house, a perfect relationship, perfect children, and a perfect life.

…and they would live happily ever after.

Fairy tales like this have got a lot to answer for.

Cinderella, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, The Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast…take your pick….the gist is pretty much the same.

The ‘perfect relationship’ format

Girl wants boy.

Boy wants girl.

Boy finds girl or girl finds boy.

Someone or something gets between girl and boy.

Girl and boy overcome the someone or something.

Girl and boy live happily ever after.

Three words that simultaneously say nothing and everything …and that set our childhood expectations for relationships.

Happily. Ever. After.

The trouble with these kinds of fairytales is that they often end at the point where the relationship really begins.

We filled in the blanks as to what ‘happily ever after’ meant. Our own idyllic vision of what a perfect relationship would be.

Do you believe in the perfect relationship?

But we don’t really believe in this kind of happily ever after, do we?

Unfortunately, although the prince might have become a stockbroker, the princess a marketing executive and the kingdom houses more Starbucks than gingerbread houses…one of the challenges with modern day relationships is that we still believe in the fairytale.

We might not admit it to anyone, least of all ourselves, but most people are out there looking for ‘the one’.

…and what exactly do we mean by ‘the one’?

The one who won’t break my heart.

The one who won’t leave me.

The one with whom it will work perfectly.

The one who I can have happily ever after with.

The question is, what does happily ever after mean?

Given that we left our childhood stories right at the beginning of the relationships, what did it mean for the ‘happy couples’?

What did Cinderella do when Prince Charming left his socks on the bedroom floor?

What did Sleeping Beauty do when she found out that Prince Phillip snores?

What did Ariel do when Prince Eric noticed a pair of shapely legs that weren’t hers?

Did Snow White and the Prince have an argument over whose turn it was to do the washing up when the 7 dwarves came for dinner?

Often we equate Happily ever after with “the perfect relationship”.

What does expecting a perfect relationship cost us?

The downside of looking for, hoping for or expecting ‘perfection’ in a relationship is that at the first sign of an imperfection a lot of modern day princesses hitch up their ball gowns, kick off their glass slippers and start running to catch the nearest pumpkin, and the princes pack up their white horses and go looking for another princess who’ll appreciate them as they are.

“They’re obviously not the ‘perfect partner’, I’d better high-tail it outta here so I don’t miss the real deal when they shows up…”

Most of us aren’t even aware that we’re aiming for perfection…it’s not something we’re conscious of.

It comes as an extension of expecting perfection from ourselves.

We expect ourselves to be perfect…we have standards for ourselves that are way higher than for most ‘normal’ human beings.

If we don’t have the perfect relationship, then we take it as a personal failure of ourselves…I’m not perfect enough to have the perfect relationship.

The ironic thing in all of this is that our perception of the ‘perfect relationship’, is more of a nightmare than a dream come true.

Who wants a relationship with someone who won’t ever challenge you and your thinking? Who wants a relationship with someone who agrees with you on everything? Who wants a relationship where you never argue, never disagree and never learn from each other? Who wants a relationship with a ‘Stepford Wife’ or ‘Stepford Husband’?

Not me, that’s for sure.

So how about a perfectly imperfect relationship instead?

In relationships, as with people, the best ones are perfectly imperfect.

So what is a perfectly imperfect relationship? …and how does it differ from our idea of happily ever after?

A perfectly imperfect relationship is a partnership between two perfectly imperfect people….a partnership that is chosen by both of them.

A perfectly imperfect relationship is real.

It’s fragile.

It’s honest.

It’s open.

It’s vulnerable.

It’s a living, breathing, growing entity of it’s own.

It has good times and not so good times.

….and the not so good times make you appreciate the good times even more.

It needs nurturing, understanding and effort to flourish.

In a perfectly imperfect relationship there is no guarantee that it will be there tomorrow, so if you want your partner to continue to choose you tomorrow, you need to put in the effort today.

A perfectly imperfect relationship has arguments, has laughter, has moments you’ll never forget, it has challenges, it has smiles, it has learnings, it has misunderstandings, is has passion, it has appreciation, it has miscommunications, it has love.

It has the whole range of human emotions, because it involves two people who between them are capable of the whole range of human emotions!

If you have two different people in a relationship, there are going to be misunderstandings, there are going to be disagreements and confusions, because we are so fundamentally different.

What makes a perfectly imperfect relationship work perfectly is when both people are actively choosing the other. When both people appreciate the differences between them. When both people want to learn and grow together. When both people seek to understand the other. When both people want to know how to make the other happy. When both people are prepared to go first.

When both people are on the same team, working together to create something that works perfectly for them.

Tweet the Love… Rather than an impossibly perfect relationship, look for a perfectly imperfect one @LovePPassion

Rather than looking for happily ever after, I invite you to look for perfectly imperfect.

That’s what I’ve got, and I love it.

So I’d like to know from you, what does perfectly imperfect mean to you?  Leave me a comment below to let me know what YOUR idea of perfectly imperfect is.

…and if you’d like some free tips and advice on how to create your perfectly imperfect relationship, pop over here now and check out our free video series “The First Steps to Transforming Any Relationship”

With Love,

Claire x