LPPTV Episode 18 - How Do You Trust Again? - Claire Brummell, The Relationist, Love Polarity and Passion

How Do You Trust Again?

LPPTV Episode 18 - How Do You Trust Again? - Claire Brummell, The Relationist, Love Polarity and Passion

Most of us, at some point in our lives have suffered the pain of a broken heart.

We’ve loved, we’ve lost and quite often we find out along the way that the person we chose might not have been quite who we thought they were.

We might have had experiences where we’ve been lied to, where we were on the receiving end of infidelity, where we were taken advantage of financially, or simply that the person we thought we knew wasn’t the person we thought they were.

I’ve been there myself, in fact I’ve experienced each of the scenarios I’ve mentioned above.

I’ve also hit the point that many others do, where I ask myself, “How can I do this again? How can I go through this again? How can I trust someone new?”

So when I was asked the question “How can I learn to trust again in a new relationship? I knew I had to do an episode of LPPTV.

So, how do you trust again? Watch the video now to find out:

Tweet the Love… In Order To Trust Somebody Else First Learn To Trust Yourself @LovePPassion

Now I’d love to hear from you.

Have you ever wondered how you’ll be able to trust again? Do you want to know how to build the trust I speak about in the video? Have you been let down and it affected your ability to trust? Have you tried what I’ve spoken about in the video, and learned to trust again? Has the video brought up any questions?

Or, ask me a question that you would like me to answer on a future episode of LPPTV, what is the one thing you’d like to know? What is the biggest challenge you’re facing in your relationship situation right now?

Please share with as much detail as you can because your insight and questions may provide a breakthrough for someone else and I guarantee if you’re thinking it, someone else is too and they could benefit from you having the courage to share your thoughts and questions.

Thank you in advance for having the courage to share and being kind and understanding in the comments.

…and if you haven’t already, be sure to get your hands on the FREE video series “The First Steps to Transforming Any Relationship” by clicking here now.

Wishing You Love,

Claire x

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LPPTV Episode 16 - How Do I Keep Him? - Claire Brummell, The Relationist, Love Polarity and Passion

How Do I Keep Him?

LPPTV Episode 16 - How Do I Keep Him? - Claire Brummell, The Relationist, Love Polarity and PassionI don’t know any woman who hasn’t had this thought at some point in her life.

You’re dating a man that you think is amazing.

He has all of the qualities that you’re looking for in your ideal partner.

You feel happy around him.

You believe this could be ‘The One’.

The only thing that is worrying you is, how can I make sure that he stays?

What can I do to keep him in my life?

How can I ensure that he continues to want me?

You don’t want to lose him, so what can you do?

So I was really pleased when I got this question through from Anna “Hi Claire, I’m always quite reserved with compliments, but I must say your work is always greatly appreciated, you’re doing a truly amazing job. You give hope for women like me that perhaps one man will stay in my life forever.  I’m now dating two guys, I know which one my heart is pumping towards too, but I’ve no idea how to keep him.  Secretly I want him to be mine for the rest of my life, but I do not know how to make the guys commit. I suppose I’ve always been useless with relationships. My parents say they doubt about if he’s the right man for me, do I need to listen and is it their place to voice their opinion to me?

So how do you keep him?  Watch the video now to find out:

Tweet the Love… Rather Than Trying to Keep Him Focus On Being The Woman The Right Man Will Adore @LovePPassion

Now I’d love to hear from you.

Have you ever tried to keep a man? How did it feel? Did it work? Have you been focused on how to keep him, and actually found him moving further away?  Are you a man? Do you agree with what I’ve shared in the video? Has this been your experience of women and relationships? Has the video brought up any questions?

Or, ask me a question that you would like me to answer on a future episode of LPPTV, what is the one thing you’d like to know? What is the biggest challenge you’re facing in your relationship situation right now?

Please share with as much detail as you can because your insight and questions may provide a breakthrough for someone else and I guarantee if you’re thinking it, someone else is too and they could benefit from you having the courage to share your thoughts and questions.

Thank you in advance for having the courage to share and being kind and understanding in the comments.

…and if you haven’t already, be sure to get your hands on the FREE video series “The First Steps to Transforming Any Relationship” by clicking here now.

Wishing You Love,

Claire x

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LPPTV Episode 15 - Should I Listen To Other People About My Relationship - Claire Brummell, The Relationist, Love Polarity and Passion

Should I Listen To Other People About My Relationship?

LPPTV Episode 15 - Should I Listen To Other People About My Relationship - Claire Brummell, The Relationist, Love Polarity and PassionWe all have people in our lives who care about us, and they want the best for us.

When we’re having challenges in our relationship it can be helpful to get some outside opinions and advice to help guide us through it.

But what happens if the advice doesn’t quite match up with what we wanted to hear?

…or if our friends and family decide to start sharing their opinion when we’d rather they kept them to themselves and let us figure it out on our own?

Should we listen to the advice of others when it comes to our relationship, or should we go it alone?

I know that there have been times when people have shared with me when I really wish they’d kept their thoughts to themselves, likewise there were times when I wanted advice when people didn’t tell me what they thought.

So I was really pleased when someone sent in this question to Love Polarity & Passion:  My parents say they doubt about if he’s the right man for me, do I need to listen and is it their place to voice their opinion to me?

So should you listen to others about your relationship?  Watch the video now to find out:

Tweet the Love… The Only Opinion That Matters When It Comes To Your Relationship Is Yours @LovePPassion

Now I’d love to hear from you.

Have you ever had unwelcome advice or opinions from other people about your relationship? Or have you been on the other side where you really want to tell someone how you feel about their relationship but didn’t know how? How do you feel now you’ve watched the video?  Have you set boundaries with parents, friends or colleagues as to what is and isn’t OK for them to share?  Would you like to know more about setting boundaries? Has the video brought up any questions?

Or, ask me a question that you would like me to answer on a future episode of LPPTV, what is the one thing you’d like to know? What is the biggest challenge you’re facing in your relationship situation right now?

Please share with as much detail as you can because your insight and questions may provide a breakthrough for someone else and I guarantee if you’re thinking it, someone else is too and they could benefit from you having the courage to share your thoughts and questions.

Thank you in advance for having the courage to share and being kind and understanding in the comments.

…and if you haven’t already, be sure to get your hands on the FREE video series “The First Steps to Transforming Any Relationship” by clicking here now.

Wishing You Love,

Claire x

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LPPTV Episode 14 - How Can I Be Less Needy In Relationships - Claire Brummell, The Relationist, Love Polarity and Passion

How Can I Be Less Needy In Relationships?

LPPTV Episode 14 - How Can I Be Less Needy In Relationships - Claire Brummell, The Relationist, Love Polarity and PassionWe’re all aware that neediness is not generally a very attractive quality in relationships.

At some point in our lives we’ve all experienced neediness.

We’ve either been with someone who felt insatiable when it came to their needs, it didn’t matter how much we did or how much we gave it didn’t seem enough.

Or we’ve been the person who was desperate to get or feel something from someone else, but they never seemed able to give it to us.

I’ve been on both sides of this equation at various points in my life, and there’s no perspective from which this feels good.

Either you feel that you can’t do anything to make your partner happy, or you want to feel something that never seems to appear.

So what is it that makes someone ‘needy’ in a relationship, and how can you be less needy when it comes to relationships?

So today I’m answering a question from Swets: “How can I be a less needy female?

Well the reality is that neediness shows up in men AND women, and the answer applies to both of them.

So how can you be less needing in relationships?  Watch the video now to find out:

Tweet the Love… In Order To Be Less Needy, Learn How To Meet Your Own Needs @LovePPassion

Now I’d love to hear from you.

Have you felt needy in relationships at times?  How do you feel about it now you’ve watched the video?  Have you been with someone who felt very needy?  How did it feel to be with someone who felt needy?  Have you tried what I suggested in the video? How did it change things? Has the video brought up any questions?

Or, ask me a question that you would like me to answer on a future episode of LPPTV, what is the one thing you’d like to know? What is the biggest challenge you’re facing in your relationship situation right now?

Please share with as much detail as you can because your insight and questions may provide a breakthrough for someone else and I guarantee if you’re thinking it, someone else is too and they could benefit from you having the courage to share your thoughts and questions.

Thank you in advance for having the courage to share and being kind and understanding in the comments.

…and if you haven’t already, be sure to get your hands on the FREE video series “The First Steps to Transforming Any Relationship” by clicking here now.

Wishing You Love,

Claire x

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LPPTV Episode 11 - How To Compromise Without Compromising Yourself - Claire Brummell, The Relationist, Love Polarity and Passion

How Do You Compromise In Relationships Without Compromising Yourself?

LPPTV Episode 11 - How To Compromise Without Compromising Yourself - Claire Brummell, The Relationist, Love Polarity and PassionWhen the topic of conflict in relationships comes up, the other ‘C’ word is often not far behind.

Compromise.

The challenge with compromise is that it often brings with it a feeling of needing to ‘give something up’, losing something, or compromising who we are and it can often leave us feeling a bit resentful.

When you look at some of the dictionary definitions associated with compromise, it’s no surprise that we can feel that way when we’re looking at “the expedient acceptance of standards that are lower than is desirable.”

Standards that are lower than desirable, hmm, I wonder why we’re not so keen on taking that path?!

So what happens when we have a difference of opinion, we want different things, or our needs conflict?  How do we navigate through that without feeling like we’re losing out?

The question is, “How Do You Compromise Without Compromising Yourself?”

Tweet the Love… When You Know Your Individual Ideals, You Can Find What’s Ideal For The Relationship @LovePPassion

Now I’d love to hear from you.

Have you felt resentful in the past when ‘needing to compromise’? Have you felt that you’ve compromised yourself? What situations have you felt that you ‘should’ compromise in? How would this approach change your feeling about compromising? What do you think about this new approach to challenging situations? Would this help you deal with future situations of this nature? Have you ever tried to do this and found challenges?  Have you any questions about this?

Or, ask me a question that you would like me to answer on a future episode of LPPTV, what is the one thing you’d like to know? What is the biggest challenge you’re facing in your relationship situation right now?

Please share with as much detail as you can because your insight and questions may provide a breakthrough for someone else and I guarantee if you’re thinking it, someone else is too and they could benefit from you having the courage to share your thoughts and questions.

Thank you in advance for having the courage to share and being kind and understanding in the comments.

…and if you haven’t already, be sure to get your hands on the FREE video series “The First Steps to Transforming Any Relationship” by clicking here now.

Wishing You Love,

Claire x

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How to resolve conflict

What’s the First Step to Solving Any Relationship Conflict?

How to resolve conflict

Let’s face it, when you bring two people together for any period of time, sooner or later there is going to be a difference of opinion.

I’ve not yet heard of two people anywhere who always think the exact same thing, at the exact same time with no variance whatsoever.

..and so there is going to come a point in time where you have different points of view.

When it comes to relationships between a man and a woman the opportunity for a difference of opinion comes up more frequently than in relationships between men or between women, mainly because we’re so fundamentally different inside.

We think differently.

We have different motivations.

We feel differently.

We have different priorities.

We have different fears, worries and concerns.

We have different approaches.

We have different meanings for the same words.

In fact, it’s a wonder that we agree on anything!

But it’s not just relationships between men and women that have problems!

Though they might not happen as often, these can happen in relationships between women and between men…it’s natural when you bring two different people together.

Now, if we lived in a culture where we all enlightened and took the approach of accepting and respecting that we all have slightly different points of view, without taking it personally or allowing it to cause conflict in our relationships…we’d be fine. Unfortunately, this isn’t often the case.

Often when someone has a different point of view there’s an assumption that they believe we’re ‘wrong’ and so we defend our point of view to show them otherwise. Or otherwise we feel that they just don’t understand our point of view, so we take it upon ourselves to explain (sometimes forcefully and in a lot of detail!) what we mean, because if they understood it, they’d agree with us, right?

The downside of this, as I’m sure you’ve experienced at some point is that a difference of opinion can quickly switch to a debate, conflict, argument…or worse!

In my experience, knowing the one thing that can help reduce, or resolve conflicts in any and all kinds of relationships is pretty helpful…because you can use it any time a difference of opinion comes up, to prevent the conflict before it even begins.

When you have a relationship between two people, it’s very unlikely that at all times these two people are going to think and believe exactly the same thing. When they’ve got differences of opinion sometimes that can lead to challenge because it can feel like, “I’ve got to convince them that my opinion’s right” or “They’re trying to convince me that their opinion is right”.

How can we find what works for us, in our relationship when our two different opinions seem poles apart? It can cause challenges, it can cause arguments, it can cause rifts in relationships, so having a way that you can approach situations like this and a little bit of insight that might help you in these difficult situations is really crucial.

So what can turn a potential conflict into a meaningful communication?

When these difficulties come up, when these challenges happen it’s so important to remember that you’re on the same team. It might sound simple, but remembering this one thing can change everything. Because when you have a difference of opinion, all of a sudden it can seem that you’re on different sides.

It’s easy to think, “They believe this, and I believe that, but there’s no way that the two can co-exist. I need to convince them that my way is right, or I need to help them understand my side of it, because if they understood we’d be back on the same side again.”

What can tend to happen is that this often degenerates into feeling like you’re not really together; you’re on opposite sides.

So it’s really important to understand that no matter what happens, and what differences of opinion you might have that you’re on the same team.  You want to move in the same direction, you have the same goal in mind: You both want to have a great relationship where you can both feel happy as it makes life more enjoyable. If you remember that you’re on the same team it can help to resolve these situations in a much more amicable way.

Think about a really great sports team. How do they approach each other? They encourage each other, they support each other, they help each other wherever possible. The thing about a really great team is that not every single team mate is in exactly the same spot on the pitch at exactly the same time. If you were on a football team and every single player was in the exact spot on the same field at the same time, the team wouldn’t be very effective. So it’s OK that the team members are sometimes in different positions, that they’ve got different perspectives, that they can see the game from slightly different angles, that’s where the strength in the team comes from, that’s where you can get the best out of your relationships by understanding the team can work better when they look at the different points of view and figure out the right course of action together.

Also what can happen is that if one of the team is scoring all of the goals, they can get a bit annoyed about the fact that the other team members aren’t scoring at all and they’re having to do ‘all the hard work’. But if the other team member is the goal keeper, protecting your goal from the other team, they have a key position to play, even if it’s not doing the same thing that you are. If every member of the football team was trying to score goals, but no one was protecting your goal from the other side, the team would be less likely to win the match.

The important thing to remember with a team is that everyone has their role to play, everyone’s part is important and everyone doesn’t need to think exactly the same thing at exactly the same time and be in exactly the same position. When you realise that you’re on a team, you can start to work together to resolve any challenges. You can start to work together to try and understand the other person’s point of view and see if their perspective of the game could actually help you rather than hinder you. Is there a mutual perspective, taking into consideration both points of view that would actually benefit both of you better?

When you start to behave and work like a team, the key word being together, you can work it out. Just remembering that you’re on the same team, that the other person isn’t out to get you, they’re not out to prove that you’re wrong, it’s you and them together working it out in a way that works best for both of you, that can totally transform the way that you see challenges, and the approach you take towards resolving them.

The thing to look for in order to use this little gem of insight is for the moments when you feel triggered.

Where someone has said or done something (or not said or not done something) that has triggered a reaction in you. You’re feeling something. Angry, annoyed, frustrated, unloved, unappreciated, unheard, unimportant…whatever the emotion is, you can feel it.

At that point, when you’re feeling that emotion, that’s the moment to remember that you’re on the same team.

You’re on the same side. You’re in it together.

When you remember that, you can work with them to resolve the situation, rather than feeling that they’re against you.

That small shift in perspective can make all the difference and totally change how you approach a situation, and in return how the other person approaches you. …and that makes everything easier to resolve.

So now I’d like to hear from you. How do you feel when you remember that you’re on the same team? How are they responding to you when you take this approach? Does the conflict feel easier to resolve? Are you working together more than usual? Do you think it will help in the future? Has it brought up more questions? I’d love to hear your thoughts, so please leave me a comment below, or drop me an email and let me know what you think. Have you had any questions or comments that have come up as a result of reading this?

…and if you liked this article, please share it using the buttons below!

Finally, if you’d like some free tips and advice on how to improve your relationship situation, pop over here now and check out our free video series “The First Steps to Transforming Any Relationship”

Wishing You Love,

Claire x

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Can someone change?

Can A Person Really Change?

Can someone change?Sometimes in my line of work I get to have a really good giggle to myself.

I imagine one (or many!) of my ex-boyfriends from years ago, browsing the internet (as we all do from time to time), looking up people they used to know and seeing what they’re up to these days.

I imagine them happening upon my Facebook profile, Linked In Profile, or seeing one of my videos on Youtube.

I giggle to myself when I imagine the looks on their face as they exclaim, “She does WHAT now?!”

If any of you have read my story (click here if you haven’t and want to find out how I got here) you’ll know that my relationship history hasn’t exactly been smooth, or easy.

I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again, at various times in my past I’ve made every relationship mistake you can imagine. Some I’ve made once, some I’ve made twice, most of them I made over and over and over again.

You see, when I need to learn a lesson, I like to make sure I learn it REALLY well 😉

Everything I’ve experience in the past informs not just who I am today, but the work I do as well.

I can tell you that if most of the men I’ve dated in the past met me today, they would barely recognise the woman looking back at them.

Over the past years I’ve not just changed, I’ve transformed. I’ve grown, I’ve learned, I’ve stumbled, I’ve got up and learned some more.

I’ve taken every painful relationship experience, as well as every wonderful one, and I’ve used it to teach me about the kind of woman I want to be, the kind of relationship I want to create…and even more, how I could go ahead and make that a reality.

The relationship I have today bears very little resemblance to those of my past, but without the relationships of my past I wouldn’t have known what to do (and probably more importantly what not to do!) to get to where I am today.

So the question I asked is, can people really change?

The answer, without question is yes.

But…

…and this is quite a big but…

…they have to want to change. It has to come from them.

I was told, time and time again about the mistakes I was making. Not just from the men I dated (though they did point out errors on occasion!), but from the experiences I was having.

All I needed to do was to take a look at what was happening in those relationship to know that something wasn’t right.

But I didn’t see it. I didn’t WANT to see it. I thought I was right, and I was going to continue doing things the way I did them, regardless of the consequences.

It took many relationship mistakes, and many relationship breakdowns for me to realise for myself that something was wrong…and that I was the common denominator.

Don’t get me wrong, as I’ve said in previous articles and episodes of LPPTV, every situation in every relationship is co-created by two people. It’s never just one person’s fault. But I had to face responsibility for my part in the situations I was finding myself in.

…and finally I was ready to change. Finally I was ready to listen and learn. Finally I wanted something different for myself badly enough to do things in a different way.

It didn’t matter how many times someone had pointed out to me that my way could use a little ‘adjusting’(!), I had to want to change in order for change to really happen for me.

The challenge in relationships is that quite often we get into a habit in relationships of focusing our attention on where the other person should change, not on our own part.

I was very good at pointing out to my partners (yes, I do cringe now when thinking about it!) where they were doing things wrong, why I was right, and how they should change their behaviours.

But as I learned through first hand experience, the more you try to change someone, the more they want to stay exactly as they are.

By trying to change someone you’re inadvertently saying to them ‘you’re not good enough as you are’.

When you make someone feel that they’re not good enough, you drive a wedge between yourself and them, and they are likely to go into one of two modes: Protect & defend, or attack.

Neither of these is conducive to a great relationship because, in either scenario, you become the enemy.

…and if you do succeed in changing them, it often comes at a cost to your relationship together.

On the other hand, the more that you accept them as they are, the more they’re likely to be open to new ways of thinking and doing things.

In any relationship, the best way to affect change is to inspire it. By being the change you want to see in others.

If they’re not taking responsibility for their part in a challenge in your relationship, first check to make sure that you’re taking responsibility for yours.

If they’re not supporting you the way that you want to be supported, check to see that you’re supporting them in the way that they want to be supported.

If they don’t understand you, first make the effort to understand them.

The more I’ve become the kind of woman I want to be, both in and out of a relationship, the man in my life has become even more of the kind of man that I really appreciate…and he was pretty amazing to begin with!

So if something isn’t clicking quite the way you’d like it to in your relationship, my first suggestion is to look at yourself. If you want to change how your partner is doing things, first look to see if you can change how you’re doing things.

Then allow them space to change, if and when they choose to, in their own time.

…and if there are any ex-partners of mine reading this article, I’d like to both apologise and say thank you. Sorry for the part I played in creating the challenges in our relationship. Sorry for any hurt or pain I caused through my actions, or inaction. Thank you for the time we shared together, it has helped me to become the woman I am today….and it continues to help my clients and audience around the world. I truly hope that your life is a happy one, and that you learned and benefited as much from our time together as I did.

So now I’d like to hear from you. What are your experiences of this? Have you changed from the person you were in the past? Have you ever wanted or tried to change someone else? How did it work out for you? Have you had any questions or comments that have come up as a result of reading this?

…and if you liked this article, please share it using the buttons below!

Finally, if you’d like some free tips and advice on how to improve your relationship situation, pop over here now and check out our free video series “The First Steps to Transforming Any Relationship”

Wishing You Love,

Claire x