Having established what feminine isn’t the next obvious question is “what do we mean when we say ‘feminine’?”
Femininity can take on many forms, because it is unique to the individual woman.
For example, when I’ve asked for examples of feminine women in the public eye, three women who regularly get mentioned are Kate Middleton (the newest member of the royal family), the actress Kate Winslet and Dita Von Teese.
I’m sure you would agree that the appearance and behaviour of each of these women are very different, and yet they are all viewed as feminine women…because each of them are connecting to the aspects of the feminine in a way that it authentic to them.
Some women do it naturally, others (having spent their life behaving in a more masculine way to try and fit in, be accepted or be successful) find it benefits them to take a little time to play with femininity and masculinity to find the balance of the two that really feels natural to them as opposed to just following the habit they’ve formed over many years. I speak from personal experience.
Femininity isn’t something that you can put on the outside. It comes from within, from a feeling deep in your core. When you connect to it, it radiates out through every aspect of your being.
Contrary to popular belief wearing certain dresses, high heels or doing your hair in a certain way doesn’t MAKE you feminine, that would be like suggesting that putting on scrubs and a surgeon’s mask makes you a surgeon. However, sometimes those external choices (what to wear, how to spend your time) can help you to FEEL more feminine and (because femininity comes from an internal feeling) when you feel more feminine by very definition you are being more feminine.
What are the aspects of the feminine?
Because our femininity is as unique as we are, I can’t get you a step-by-step formula that if you follow the instructions and check all the items of the list will result in you blossoming into your feminine effortlessly, but what I can do is give you some guidance, tips and advice to find your very own unique Flavour Of Feminine, the way of being that resonates deeply with you and helps you to ignite the aspects of the feminine in the way that FEELS best to you.
What I can share with you, however, is that there are some core aspects of femininity which are common to all feminine women. They may appear to a greater or lesser extent from person to person, and they may show up differently in different women, but in my experience they will all appear in some shape or form in a woman who is connected (or connecting) to her feminine nature.
In order to make it nice and easy for us to remember these aspects (in case we decide that we would like to focus on developing any of them), I’ve pulled them together into a simple acronym. It couldn’t be simpler…it’s about connecting to our F.E.M.I.N.I.N.E.
Little Side Note: As I’ve mentioned in previous articles, we all have masculine and feminine in us, so for anyone who is more feminine at their core connecting with the feminine is never about denying our masculine or making it wrong, instead it’s about allowing our feminine aspects to go first, and then utilising the masculine traits as and when it serves us and those around us best, as is true in reverse for someone who is more masculine at core.
We will begin today with the first four aspects of the feminine:
Being feminine is all about being open, letting things flow and surrendering any desire to control.
A crucial element of flow is that it is two-way; it is about giving AND receiving in equal measure. If you can maintain an openness in your daily life, and allow yourself to both give and to receive from those around you, you will naturally feel more relaxed and feminine.
The very nature of flow is one of ease and relaxation. Flow requires no effort, no force, no pushing, all it requires is allowing. When we allow things to flow, we get to let go of the tension in our bodies, minds and hearts.
So one of the paths to allowing more flow into our lives is to let go of the illusion of control.
Ultimately we know that we don’t really have the ability to control anything, but we make ourselves feel better about the uncertainty of life by believing in the illusion that we do.
Unfortunately when we try to control the uncontrollable (which life very much is!) it brings more tension, stress and worry.
The more we try to control, the more we realise we have to do to have control, the more effort we put into it, the more we realise that there is STILL something out of our control and the cycle begins again.
The reality is that there will always be something outside of our control and therefore the only way to really have peace, relaxation and calm inside is to accept, let go of the illusion and allow ourselves to be in flow.
People who are more feminine at core are natural relationship builders; we use our ability to connect emotionally with ourselves and others to develop genuine bonds with the people around us.
Our ability to express vulnerability, compassion and kindness are our biggest assets when it comes to connecting at an emotional level. Emotion is such a crucial aspect of being feminine and as love is the most positive and powerful it is the best place to start, both with yourself and with others.
Love has managed to get itself a bit of a bad rap though…we’ve all heard sayings such as “Love Hurts” and “It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all”. So when we talk about love it’s not the 21st century kind with all the rules, restrictions and pain associated with it.
We are talking about natural love, the kind that you have for your mother before you even know who she is. Unconditional love, pure and simple.
As we saw above, people who are more feminine at core are natural relationship builders, we seek out connections, community, bonds with other people. We are naturally inclined to reach out, to communicate and collaborate with others.
We see this in the way that we communicate. Women (who generally speaking tend to be more feminine at core than men, though it is important to note that this not true for all women) on average speak 20,000 words a day, whereas men (who tend more generally to the masculine at core) speak an average of only 7,000.The feminine looks for connections, we look to build our own ‘tribes’ to share the experiences of our lives.
When under stress, the feminine generally speaking will look to reach out and find comfort through connection with others, and will seek to do the same when they see others experiencing challenges, offering a space to share their difficulties, some words of encouragement or simply a hug.
Unlike the masculine counterpart, the feminine doesn’t have any inclination to use direction, force or pressure to affect people around them.
Our core strength lies in being able to inspire, motivate and positively influence anyone we come into contact with, simply from the way we are being. If you’re a feminine woman at core and you want to see your man be more masculine, demanding it out of him is coming from a more masculine place inside of you.
If your man is truly masculine at core he will either step into the masculine in competition with the masculine you are expressing (not a dynamic that works well in intimate relationships, remembering what we know about polarity!) or he will step back into a more feminine position as you are occupying the masculine space in the relationship.
If you want your man to step more into the masculine, the best approach is to step even further into your feminine and inspire him to step into the masculine by how you relate to him from that place.
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Wishing You Love,