What is feminine not?

What Is Feminine Not?

What is feminine not?When people learn the name of my website, one of the first questions I get asked is ‘What is Polarity?’

Having answered this question in Episode 6 of LPPTV, the next two questions tend to come quite quickly. Having learned that polarity is the natural attraction between the masculine and the feminine, the next obvious questions are ‘what is feminine’ and ‘what is masculine’?

But before I answer the question ‘what is feminine’ it’s important to answer the question what is feminine not.

When most people think of the word feminine, they tend to bring to mind concepts and images that don’t reflect the reality of femininity, and are often very negative. There are so many misperceptions about what the word feminine actually means, and I think it’s important that we address these up front.

Over the last couple of decades, the word feminine (unless referring to the latest Ralph Lauren line) hasn’t always been seen as the most flattering description for a woman.

A few summers ago when Susan Walsh suggested that women “try on” femininity for a short while to see how it fitted, one woman remarked that she saw being described as the most feminine member of staff at her place of work insulting as she believed that feminine = weak and that it meant that she wasn’t being taken seriously.

Does Feminine = Weak?

So let’s start with weakness.  Feminine has about as much to do with weakness as Manolo Blahnik has to do with aubergines.  In fact, a genuinely feminine woman who is connected to her femininity is incredibly powerful; feminine strength just presents itself in a different way to masculine strength.  Masculine strength comes from tension and contraction whereas feminine strength comes from flow and flexibility.  A feminine woman is a force of nature.  Watch a feminine woman walk into a room and ask any man in there whether femininity is weakness, and you’ll get your answer.

Does Feminine = Submission?

Another common misperception is that being feminine involves being submissive and appeasing people around you (especially men).  If you look at the definition of submission in the dictionary it talks about ‘yielding to a superior force’. Again, nothing could be further from the truth. There is no better or worse when it comes to the masculine and feminine, they are equal and opposite to each other, each have their unique strengths and weaknesses. So the feminine is complementary to the masculine, not inferior to it in any way shape or form. Connecting with the feminine is about being true to yourself, finding your inner feminine strength and self respect and bringing the best of who you naturally are to complement the masculine in both yourself, and in those around you.

Does Feminine = Pink and Fluffy?

I’ve also heard several women say that being feminine is about being girly, pink and fluffy, or replicating old-fashioned domesticity.  Every time I hear femininity described in this way, it is always followed up with a comment along the lines of “but that’s not who I am”.  Femininity comes from the inside out;  it’s not something that you ‘put on’ in order to give an appearance, it has nothing to do with any colour, style of dress, accessories, hair styles or make up.  Femininity is only true femininity when it’s totally authentic.

Does Feminine = Non-Feminist?

Let’s be clear about this.  Feminism is all about equality.  Femininity has nothing to do with refuting equality, in fact I’m a fully subscribed feminist, and I’m a very feminine woman.  The reason so many people believe that femininity and feminism can’t co-exist is that they’ve misunderstood equal to be ‘The Same’.  Men and women are not the same, we are equal and opposite. Masculine is no better or worse, stronger or weaker than feminine, they’re just different.  They are equal and opposite, like many forces in nature, the positive and negative on a battery, the north and south on a magnet, day and night, light and dark. None of these is stronger or weaker without the other, and neither part of any pair can exist without the other.  The same is true of masculinity and femininity.  So can you be feminine and a feminist? Oh yes.

Does Feminine = Anti-men?

Being anti-men is not pro-women, in fact, being anti-anyone and everyone loses.  Femininity is nothing to do with being anti-men, in fact a feminine woman has great respect for the men in her life, as a masculine man has great respect for the women in his life.

So I’d like to hear from you now.  What comes to YOUR mind when you hear the word feminine or femininity?  Have you ever thought that feminine was weak? Or Submissive? Or against feminism? Or Pink and Fluffy? What have your experiences of femininity been? What are your questions about femininity?

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Finally, if you’d like some free tips and advice on how to improve your relationship situation, pop over here now and check out our free video series “The First Steps to Transforming Any Relationship”

Wishing You Love,

Claire x

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4 replies
  1. Alexa
    Alexa says:

    I agree with almost everything you have said. Amen! I wish people (men and women) could understand these things. But femininity is submissive, although it is better nor worse than our masculine, dominant counter parts. It just means women have a sub-mission. A different mission, or a mission within a mission. Like a sidekick, or the brains behind the brawn, etc. Have a great day!

    Reply
    • Claire
      Claire says:

      Hi Alexa,

      Thank you so much for sharing your comments here, and I completely agree, life would be so much easier if more people understood these things! 🙂

      When we look at the definition of submission in the dictionary it talks about ‘yielding to a superior force,’ and as you quite rightly stated in your comment, there is no better or worse, superior or inferior when it comes to the masculine and feminine, they are equal and opposite to each other, each have their unique strengths and weaknesses. So the feminine is complementary to the masculine, not inferior to it in any way shape or form, which is the reason that I don’t use the term submissive in relation to femininity. Connecting with the feminine is about being true to yourself, finding your inner feminine strength and bringing the best of who you naturally are to complement the masculine in both yourself, and in those around you.

      In addition if we say that the feminine has a ‘sub-mission’, again when we look at the definition of the prefix ‘sub-‘ in the dictionary, it talks about being at a lower level or position, but when you talk about having a ‘different mission’ this really reflects the reality well. We each have our unique purpose, and when we honour and celebrate both our own and the difference in the other, that’s when magic happens.

      ..and as I share in my talks when I talk about the lead and follow in the masculine and feminine it takes both sides bringing their unique strengths to make the dance work beautifully.

      Thank you again for your comments, they’ve prompted me to add to the article above, so I very much appreciate it! 🙂

      Reply
  2. Anna
    Anna says:

    Nice and short, all the point. Thanks, Clair!
    Re “anti-men” – if anything, feminine is pro-men. Feminine energy blossoms around truly masculine men.
    With regards to feminine and feminism comes to mind another pair: pro-choice is not opposed to pro-life (and does not equal anti-life)

    Reply
    • Claire
      Claire says:

      I agree Anna – Femininity is very pro-masculine…in fact, femininity is pro-women AND pro-men, it’s about connection and creating relationships!

      Reply

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