Couple Christmas Kissing

Last Christmas?

Couple Christmas KissingI love Christmas time.

It’s all about fun, family, friends…a season of magic to warm up the chill of winter outside. It’s a chance to be a big kid (not that I need any excuse!) and indulge in all the things that we spend the rest of the year saying “oh I shouldn’t…” to.

It’s also the time of year where you get to hear from people that you haven’t heard from in the last 12 months, and often haven’t seen in much longer.

When the Christmas cards start appearing, it’s great hearing all the little bits of news that get included with the greetings inside.

A couple of years ago, however, one card had some news that we weren’t expecting.

News that came as quite a shock.

A family friend wrote and told us that her son lost his battle with colon cancer in the November before.

He was 30.

Now…this might sound like a bit of a depressing topic to be sharing just before Christmas…but bear with me…there is a string of festive fairy lights at the end of the tunnel, I promise.

I would like to say that Steven is the first person who I have known who has parted this life early. Unfortunately I can’t.

I lost a dear friend from university to cancer in her early twenties, one of my parents’ closest friends lost his wife to a sudden brain haemorrhage, my sister lost a friend from school to cancer, and a few years back a friend and shining light in the salsa dancing community was taken from us in a car accident at the age of 24.

This recent sudden loss cause me to reflect on this a lot…and it occurred to me that none of the people I have mentioned here would have had any clue that their last Christmas, was their last Christmas.

If they had known, if their families and loved ones had known, what would they have done differently? If they had the chance to have another ‘last Christmas’ what would they do to make it the most magical of all?

Now, I hope for myself and each and every one of you that we will all live long and happy lives into old age, spending many Christmases to come filled with fun and laughter, surrounded by friends and family all driving us crazy and creating more special memories together.

But if this were your last Christmas, what would YOU do to make it the most magical? What would you make sure you said to the people you love? How would you enjoy every single moment?

What are the insignificant niggles that you would let go because they just don’t matter? What are the moments that you would take a mental photograph of? How would you make every minute with the people you care about most matter? What could you do to make it the best Christmas you and your family and friends have ever had?

As some of you know, when I was doing my marathon training a few years back I had a revelation which totally changed the experience of running for me.

I realised that there must be hundreds of thousands of people in the world who would love to be able to experience what I was doing on my morning run, but couldn’t (for whatever reason). So I began running for them.

Each session was dedicated to someone else who couldn’t run for themselves…and when I ran, I ran the way I imagined that they would if they had the opportunity to run just once. It was a total game changer for me. Something which once felt like a chore became an incredible experience filled with gratitude and fun.

Now I know, that every single one of those people who didn’t realise that they were experiencing their last Christmas would LOVE the opportunity to have just one last festive season with their closest family and friends, and their family and friends would give anything to have one last Christmas with the person who’s no longer here with us.

A couple of years ago I took this message to heart and added a new tradition to my Christmas celebrations. I wanted to take the festive season as a prompt, a reminder to tell the people closest to me how I feel about them, to say thank you to them and to let them know how much they mean to me.

Christmas Thank yousSo every year, normally on Christmas Eve, I take the time to sit down and write a personal thank you note to each of the members of my family. I remind them of fun times we’ve had together, of memories from my childhood, of moments we’ve shared in the past year. I let them know how grateful I am for them, for the relationship we have and how much I love them.

I always shed a tear or two of love and appreciation when writing these letters, and the response they get always touches my heart. My 85 year old Grandmother is not normally one for sentiment, but she has often said how those letters, reminding her of special moments we shared when I was young, taking a moment to say all the things we forget to say most of the time, really mean something to her.

What started off as a single piece of inspiration, is now a Christmas tradition…and one that I always look forward to as I know every Christmas my family and loved ones get to hear, from my heart to theirs, just how much they mean to me.

So maybe this year as well as all the boxes and presents under your tree there could be a few simple envelopes that contain in them a gift that is priceless, for the people you care most about?  Hearing in your words how much they mean to you.

I’m sure that every single one of us knows someone who didn’t know they were having their last Christmas with someone special, whether they are the person who is still here, or the one who left before they expected to.

So how about this year we choose to celebrate this Christmas in their spirit? Enjoy every moment of this Christmas season the way that they would if they had the chance to do it again. To soak up every second and make memories which we will all cherish.

…and why not celebrate every special occasion…even every day like it were our last? We would focus on the best of each moment, and instantly dismiss any minor frustrations which don’t mean anything when you look at the big picture. What memories we would create!

I don’t know about you…but if my lifetime is going to be the long and happy one that I fully intend for it to be, then I want it to be filled with THOSE kinds of memories. 😀

How about you?

I wish every single one of you a Christmas celebrated with the people who you love as if it were the last you were going to get. One filled with happiness, laughter and love.

With Love,

Claire x

Why Does Heartbreak Hurt So Much?

Broken-HeartLast week I shared that December is known as the annual breakup season, and a lot of people shared how the article had come at the perfect time for them, because they were dealing with a recent break up themselves.

When I started hearing this, it took me back to some of my own personal experiences of heartbreak.

If a relationship has ended, at some level it wasn’t working. If you’re truly honest with yourself, I’m sure you don’t want to be in a relationship where you’re unhappy and unfulfilled or in a relationship where the other person is unhappy or unfulfilled, for whatever reason, because we know deep in our hearts that neither of those scenarios make for a good relationship in the long term. But that doesn’t stop it from hurting….and hurting deeply.

I know. I’ve experienced it first-hand many times.

…and I can vividly recall the times where I’ve felt like the bottom had fallen out of my world.

My experience with heartbreak…

Those moments in time where it felt like an effort just to keep breathing in and out.

The pain, the sadness, the numbness, the confusion, the fear…the complete and total overwhelm of experiencing so many emotions and thoughts at the same time, and not being able to make sense of any of them.

Mind and heart reeling, with no way out, only through.

When I brought these moments of my life to mind, I started to think about heartbreak, and why it hurts so much. As soon as I asked this question, two answers came to me.

The first you’ll no doubt have heard before. The second may be a bit of a surprise…

So why does heartbreak hurt so much?

So the first answer that came to me is that we’re experiencing a loss, which brings with it a sense of grief.

Whether a relationship has come to an end because we’ve chosen to end it, because someone else has chosen to end it, or because it’s been mutually decided that it’s for the best, we are still losing something.

We may not be grieving for the relationship as it was, but instead for the relationship that we thought it was going to be, the relationship it had the potential to be, or the relationship we wanted it to be.

It might seem strange to be grieving for something that you’ve never actually had…but losing the POSSIBILITY of something, is still a loss, and we still experience a sense of grief when the possibility appears to be no more.

We miss the other person…or maybe we don’t, maybe we miss who they used to be, who we thought they were, or who we thought they would become.

Whatever it is that we’re losing, whether it’s was something we had, something we thought we had, or something we thought we were going to have, it’s important to honour the fact that we will experience a sense of grief when the loss becomes a reality.

Most people have heard of the 5 stages of grief (or the Kübler-Ross model) where you go through denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance…but what most people don’t know is that the best way through all the stages, is to fully experience each stage, feel complete with it and then transition through to the next stage…in the timeframe that is right for you.

Do you allow yourself to ‘go through’ heartbreak?

When it comes to heartbreak though, a lot of people don’t allow themselves to go through this grieving process fully…they expect to just ‘feel better’ at some point, get told to snap out of it by someone trying to ‘help’, or distract themselves from really experiencing the feeling because it’s uncomfortable (whether that’s through alcohol, TV, another relationship or any other way to avoid the feelings)…and therefore get ‘stuck’ in one stage.

As I’ve said before, when you’re in this kind of emotional experience, the best way out of it really is through it…allowing yourself to fully feel each aspect of what you’re experiencing in order that you can then release it.

So if you’re in it right now, start to notice where you might be wanting to avoid or distract yourself from how you’re really feeling…because that in itself can be keeping you ‘in it’ and preventing you from moving through it to the other side.

The second answer that came to me when I asked the question “Why does heartbreak hurt so much?” hit me hard.

Because it was probably one of the hardest things for me to understand and begin to accept about my own experiences with heartbreak…and it was also the single, most powerful realisation that transformed my experience with heartbreak forever.

So join me again next week where I will be sharing the insight that changed how I experience heartbreak…and which helped me reach the point where, I began to eventually be able to see each one as a gift.

…and if you’re currently dealing with a break up and you’d like to find out how I might be able to help you through it, then either send me an email: or book a discovery session here to get some help and support when dealing with heartbreak during the holiday season.

With Love,

Claire x

Would you like to know how to avoid the annual breakup season?

breakupThe festive season can be wonderful.

…it can also be a really challenging time of year.

Family commitments, present-buying, Christmas parties, money-worries, end of year deadlines…

It’s a recipe for a stress-cocktail.

It’s no surprise that according to Facebook, December is the month of the year with the highest number of breakups.

The problem with stress is that we have a tendency to take it out on the people who are closest to us. They are the people who see every side of us…the good, the bad and the very ugly.

We don’t put on pretenses for those who are closest to us…and we don’t tend to pull our punches.

You see, when we’re under stress our bodies jump into fight or flight mode.

Why is this the annual breakup season?

We learned our stress responses many years ago when ‘stress’ was caused by coming face-to-face with a saber-toothed tiger or a woolly mammoth. It was a matter of survival. Us or them.

Unfortunately our stress responses have not evolved with our lives…so we get the same rush of adrenaline and hormones when dealing with an urgent deadline as we did when being considered as a Paleolithic beast’s lunch.

So when we feel stress we see the world as a threat…including our partner.

When we see someone or something as a threat, all compassion and understanding tends to fly out of the nearest window. We have two go-to responses; protect & defend ourselves, and attack.

…and when one person gets defensive or confrontational, the other person often isn’t far behind.

So how can we avoid the stress-loop that often leads to a breakup?

The biggest problem when we enter this stress-pattern is that we forget that we are on the same side.

We’re on the same team.

They aren’t your adversary, they’re your team-mate.

Think about a football team. How successful do you think a team would be if they spent all their time tackling each other rather than focusing on the opposition, or the goal?

Not very.

You see, our response to stress often has us drawing battle lines against the person with whom you could instead be creating a battle strategy WITH.

So if you notice yourself dropping into ‘confrontation mode’ with your partner, here are a few simple steps to help you get back in each other’s corner again.

  1. Stop – So many of our troubles at this time of year start because rather than responding to what’s happening we react. We fire right back at the moment we feel upset or triggered without taking a moment to stop and consider how we want to respond, or the consequences of our reaction. Take a pause…it could make all the difference.
  2. Breathe – Take a deep breath, and allow yourself to let go of some of the tension in your body. When we go into fight of flight mode our muscles tense in order to be ready to swing a right-hook, or run for the hills. Taking a deep breath and shaking out your body can release some of this tension and help you to relax.
  3. Ask yourself a question (or two)…(or three) – When we feel this way, it tends to be because we’ve attributed a meaning to our partner’s behavior (what they’ve said / not said / done / not done) that might not be in-line with the intention behind it. So ask yourself “What else could this mean?”, could there be another reason than the one you’ve got in your mind? The other question to ask yourself here is “What is my outcome?” what do you really want in this moment? Do you want to be right? Or Do you want to be happy? Do you want to fight? Or do you want to build a bridge with the person who is usually your biggest ally? The final question to ask yourself is “How do I REALLY want to deal with this?” Your reaction has the potential to create a battleground or a dance floor, to fire an attack or wave a white flag, to metaphorically slap them in the face or reach out to connect with them. This is your moment to choose how you show up, which has the ability to completely transform the situation.
  4. Apologise – At this point you may be a little confused. Apologise? But they’re the one who’s upset me! While that may be true…step back a little bit. Is there something that you’ve said or done (or not said or done) that might have caused a reaction in them? Might they have misinterpreted your actions or words? If you can see how they might be upset, apologise for your part in what’s happened, without reservation, and without bringing how you’re feeling into it (for now).  When you do this for another person, they go from attack and defend mode to putting both their weapons and their defences down. This is the first step towards working together to find a solution.
  5. Ask for their help – This situation could simply be happening because they don’t really know what you want or need, and how to give it to you…so the easiest way for them to be able to do this is for you to tell them. But barking instructions at them is probably not going to help them feel you’re on the same side. Instead ask for their help…ask for what you want and need, show them how to help and support you.
  6. Remind them (and most importantly yourself) that you’re on the same team – Remember that you’re on the same team.  Remind them (with kindness) that you’re on their team…and that you know that they’re on your team too. Just verbalising this can make such a difference to how you both perceive what’s going on. It might be a misunderstanding, it might be a difference of opinion, but if you’re on the same side, you can figure it out together.

When you’re on the same side, dealing with the stress of the season seems so much more manageable…and you know you’re not dealing with it alone. Navigating your way through the festive period can both pull you together, or tear you apart…choosing to be on the same team can make it more likely to be the former.

…but what if you do breakup?

If you do break up this time of year, there are a few things to bear in mind.

If the choice to separate wasn’t yours, then the other person has done you the favour of walking away from you. You want to be with someone who chooses you, who sees you, who values you…who wants to be with you. If this person has made another choice, you deserve more.

But knowing that doesn’t make the process of dealing with it any easier…so you might want to check out a couple of these articles to help you through the process:

The new year is a good time to move start afresh, to go through the process of letting go of the past and to begin to attract and create the relationship that you desire and deserve.

…and if you think the advice in this post could help someone you know, I would love for you take a few seconds to share it.

Would you like some help in navigating the annual breakup season?

Often when we’re dealing with relationship challenges, whether it’s stress, money, arguments, worries about trust or infidelity, it can be tough to do it on your own. It can feel isolating and lonely, especially when everyone around you seems to be enjoying a challenge-free festive season with their loved ones.

Or maybe you’re single and worried about how to enjoy the festivities without a special someone to share it with? Maybe you’re worried about the comments or questions from family about ‘When are you going to find someone?’ Maybe you’re just fed up of the thought of another Christmas and New Years Eve on your own?

So if you’d like to find out how I might be able to help you with your specific relationship concerns, worries or challenges at this time of year, then either send me an email: or book a discovery session here to find out how you can avoid or reduce the relationship challenges that most people face at this time of year.

It can be a tough time to navigate, and it’s so much easier when you know you’re not doing it alone.

With Love,

Claire x

LPPTV Episode 20 - How Can You Travel Together Without Ruining Your Relationship? - Claire Brummell, The Relationist, Love Polarity and Passion

How Do You Travel Together Without Ruining Your Relationship?

LPPTV Episode 20 - How Can You Travel Together Without Ruining Your Relationship? - Claire Brummell, The Relationist, Love Polarity and PassionI don’t know about you, but I can’t tell you about the number of trips that I’ve been on where a problem with the person I’ve been travelling with has really put a dampener on the trip.

Whether that person was a friend, a family member, a partner or even a stranger I met while on my trip, I can remember challenges with pretty much all of them at some time or another.

I can vividly recall (much to my embarrassment now) arguments in Epcot Centre in Orlando, on the streets of Prague and countless other destinations over the years.

…and unfortunately I’m not alone.

From a recent piece of research, it was discovered that when travelling with a partner, 79% of people have at least 2 big fights on a trip, 62% fight daily and for a shocking 12% of couples the problems on a trip caused a relationship to end.

I’ve also been in that last group too.

But why does travelling with someone else create such challenges?  Well, when you’re together, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, it puts a magnifying glass on your relationship.  The good stuff gets better…and the challenges, well, they can seem overwhelming.

So when someone asked me how you can travel with someone, friend, family member, partner, or even someone you’ve just met, without it ruining both your trip and your relationship…and even how the experience of travel can improve your relationship, I had to record an episode of LPPTV to share with you.

So how do you travel together without ruining your relationship?  Watch the video now to find out…

Tweet the Love… In Order To Prevent Challenges When Travelling Make Sure You Communicate @LovePPassion

…and if you’re planning a trip with someone and want even more tips and advice on how travelling together can enhance and improve your trip and your relationship, click here now to see the videos I mention above.

Now I’d love to hear from you. Have you ever travelled with someone else?  How did it go? Was it smooth sailing? Or did you have some problems? Has travelling with someone else ruined a trip? Or a relationship? Have you tried what I mentioned in the video? Did it work for you?  Has the video brought up any questions?

Or, is there a question that you would like me to answer on a future episode of LPPTV? What is the one thing you’d like to know? What is the biggest challenge you’re facing in your relationship situation right now?

Please share with as much detail as you can because your insight and questions may provide a breakthrough for someone else and I guarantee if you’re thinking it, someone else is too and they could benefit from you having the courage to share your thoughts and questions.

Thank you in advance for having the courage to share and being kind and understanding in the comments.

…and if you haven’t already, be sure to get your hands on the FREE video series “The First Steps to Transforming Any Relationship” by clicking here now.

Wishing You Love,

Claire x

Did you like this content? Sign up for updates…It’s FREE!

LPPTV Episode 11 - How To Compromise Without Compromising Yourself - Claire Brummell, The Relationist, Love Polarity and Passion

How Do You Compromise In Relationships Without Compromising Yourself?

LPPTV Episode 11 - How To Compromise Without Compromising Yourself - Claire Brummell, The Relationist, Love Polarity and PassionWhen the topic of conflict in relationships comes up, the other ‘C’ word is often not far behind.


The challenge with compromise is that it often brings with it a feeling of needing to ‘give something up’, losing something, or compromising who we are and it can often leave us feeling a bit resentful.

When you look at some of the dictionary definitions associated with compromise, it’s no surprise that we can feel that way when we’re looking at “the expedient acceptance of standards that are lower than is desirable.”

Standards that are lower than desirable, hmm, I wonder why we’re not so keen on taking that path?!

So what happens when we have a difference of opinion, we want different things, or our needs conflict?  How do we navigate through that without feeling like we’re losing out?

The question is, “How Do You Compromise Without Compromising Yourself?”

Tweet the Love… When You Know Your Individual Ideals, You Can Find What’s Ideal For The Relationship @LovePPassion

Now I’d love to hear from you.

Have you felt resentful in the past when ‘needing to compromise’? Have you felt that you’ve compromised yourself? What situations have you felt that you ‘should’ compromise in? How would this approach change your feeling about compromising? What do you think about this new approach to challenging situations? Would this help you deal with future situations of this nature? Have you ever tried to do this and found challenges?  Have you any questions about this?

Or, ask me a question that you would like me to answer on a future episode of LPPTV, what is the one thing you’d like to know? What is the biggest challenge you’re facing in your relationship situation right now?

Please share with as much detail as you can because your insight and questions may provide a breakthrough for someone else and I guarantee if you’re thinking it, someone else is too and they could benefit from you having the courage to share your thoughts and questions.

Thank you in advance for having the courage to share and being kind and understanding in the comments.

…and if you haven’t already, be sure to get your hands on the FREE video series “The First Steps to Transforming Any Relationship” by clicking here now.

Wishing You Love,

Claire x

Did you like this content? Sign up for updates…It’s FREE!

Happily Ever After2

Are you expecting a ‘perfect relationship’?

Happily Ever After2Do you recognise this kind of ‘perfect’ relationship…?

Once upon a time, in a land far far away, there lived a Princess.

This princess had lived her whole life waiting for her Prince Charming to arrive.

Prince Charming would cross countries and and slay dragons to prove his love to the Princess.

When he came for her, she knew that he would sweep her up in his arms, kiss her like she’s never been kissed before, and would create with her a life of love, laughter and the creation of nothing but happy memories.

When they found each other, everything would be perfect.

They would be soul mates.

They would be lovers.

They would be best friends.

They would agree on everything.

He would never say or do anything that would upset her.

She would never say or do anything that would upset him.

They would never argue.

They would have a perfect house, a perfect relationship, perfect children, and a perfect life.

…and they would live happily ever after.

Fairy tales like this have got a lot to answer for.

Cinderella, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, The Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast…take your pick….the gist is pretty much the same.

The ‘perfect relationship’ format

Girl wants boy.

Boy wants girl.

Boy finds girl or girl finds boy.

Someone or something gets between girl and boy.

Girl and boy overcome the someone or something.

Girl and boy live happily ever after.

Three words that simultaneously say nothing and everything …and that set our childhood expectations for relationships.

Happily. Ever. After.

The trouble with these kinds of fairytales is that they often end at the point where the relationship really begins.

We filled in the blanks as to what ‘happily ever after’ meant. Our own idyllic vision of what a perfect relationship would be.

Do you believe in the perfect relationship?

But we don’t really believe in this kind of happily ever after, do we?

Unfortunately, although the prince might have become a stockbroker, the princess a marketing executive and the kingdom houses more Starbucks than gingerbread houses…one of the challenges with modern day relationships is that we still believe in the fairytale.

We might not admit it to anyone, least of all ourselves, but most people are out there looking for ‘the one’.

…and what exactly do we mean by ‘the one’?

The one who won’t break my heart.

The one who won’t leave me.

The one with whom it will work perfectly.

The one who I can have happily ever after with.

The question is, what does happily ever after mean?

Given that we left our childhood stories right at the beginning of the relationships, what did it mean for the ‘happy couples’?

What did Cinderella do when Prince Charming left his socks on the bedroom floor?

What did Sleeping Beauty do when she found out that Prince Phillip snores?

What did Ariel do when Prince Eric noticed a pair of shapely legs that weren’t hers?

Did Snow White and the Prince have an argument over whose turn it was to do the washing up when the 7 dwarves came for dinner?

Often we equate Happily ever after with “the perfect relationship”.

What does expecting a perfect relationship cost us?

The downside of looking for, hoping for or expecting ‘perfection’ in a relationship is that at the first sign of an imperfection a lot of modern day princesses hitch up their ball gowns, kick off their glass slippers and start running to catch the nearest pumpkin, and the princes pack up their white horses and go looking for another princess who’ll appreciate them as they are.

“They’re obviously not the ‘perfect partner’, I’d better high-tail it outta here so I don’t miss the real deal when they shows up…”

Most of us aren’t even aware that we’re aiming for perfection…it’s not something we’re conscious of.

It comes as an extension of expecting perfection from ourselves.

We expect ourselves to be perfect…we have standards for ourselves that are way higher than for most ‘normal’ human beings.

If we don’t have the perfect relationship, then we take it as a personal failure of ourselves…I’m not perfect enough to have the perfect relationship.

The ironic thing in all of this is that our perception of the ‘perfect relationship’, is more of a nightmare than a dream come true.

Who wants a relationship with someone who won’t ever challenge you and your thinking? Who wants a relationship with someone who agrees with you on everything? Who wants a relationship where you never argue, never disagree and never learn from each other? Who wants a relationship with a ‘Stepford Wife’ or ‘Stepford Husband’?

Not me, that’s for sure.

So how about a perfectly imperfect relationship instead?

In relationships, as with people, the best ones are perfectly imperfect.

So what is a perfectly imperfect relationship? …and how does it differ from our idea of happily ever after?

A perfectly imperfect relationship is a partnership between two perfectly imperfect people….a partnership that is chosen by both of them.

A perfectly imperfect relationship is real.

It’s fragile.

It’s honest.

It’s open.

It’s vulnerable.

It’s a living, breathing, growing entity of it’s own.

It has good times and not so good times.

….and the not so good times make you appreciate the good times even more.

It needs nurturing, understanding and effort to flourish.

In a perfectly imperfect relationship there is no guarantee that it will be there tomorrow, so if you want your partner to continue to choose you tomorrow, you need to put in the effort today.

A perfectly imperfect relationship has arguments, has laughter, has moments you’ll never forget, it has challenges, it has smiles, it has learnings, it has misunderstandings, is has passion, it has appreciation, it has miscommunications, it has love.

It has the whole range of human emotions, because it involves two people who between them are capable of the whole range of human emotions!

If you have two different people in a relationship, there are going to be misunderstandings, there are going to be disagreements and confusions, because we are so fundamentally different.

What makes a perfectly imperfect relationship work perfectly is when both people are actively choosing the other. When both people appreciate the differences between them. When both people want to learn and grow together. When both people seek to understand the other. When both people want to know how to make the other happy. When both people are prepared to go first.

When both people are on the same team, working together to create something that works perfectly for them.

Tweet the Love… Rather than an impossibly perfect relationship, look for a perfectly imperfect one @LovePPassion

Rather than looking for happily ever after, I invite you to look for perfectly imperfect.

That’s what I’ve got, and I love it.

So I’d like to know from you, what does perfectly imperfect mean to you?  Leave me a comment below to let me know what YOUR idea of perfectly imperfect is.

…and if you’d like some free tips and advice on how to create your perfectly imperfect relationship, pop over here now and check out our free video series “The First Steps to Transforming Any Relationship”

With Love,

Claire x