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LPPTV Episode 10 - What Do You Do If A Guy Or Girl Suddenly Loses Interest? Part 2 - Claire Brummell, The Relationist, Love Polarity and Passion

What’s The Second Thing You Do When Someone Suddenly Loses Interest?

LPPTV Episode 10 - What Do You Do If A Guy Or Girl Suddenly Loses Interest? Part 2 - Claire Brummell, The Relationist, Love Polarity and PassionLast week I began to answer a question that I get asked all the time….what do you do if a guy or girl suddenly loses interest?

It happens all the time, things seem to be going really well and all of a sudden something changes, but you’ve no idea why.

I’ve already share the first step with you (if you haven’t seen it yet, before to check it out here BEFORE you watch the video below), and it’s so important that you begin with this first step before you do step 3 in today’s video.

It’s a bit like making a cake.

If you add the ingredients in the right order, you’ll get a nice cake that you can enjoy.

If, however, you put the cake in the oven before you’ve added the eggs and sugar, the chances are that it won’t give you the best cake possible.

It’s not that the ingredients aren’t right, but the sequence is important…and the same is true in relationships.  In this situation, you can do steps 1 and 2 in any order you like…but wait for step 3 until you’ve done them!

Want to know more?  Check out the second part of my answer to the question: “What do you do if a guy or girl suddenly loses interest?”

Tweet the Love… When You’ve Got Clarity From Them, Give Clarity Back @LovePPassion

Now I’d love to hear from you.

What has your experience of this been? Have you had a new relationship go from ‘foot on the gas’ to being shoved into reverse? What do you think of steps 2 and 3? Would these help you deal with future situations like this? Have you ever tried to do this and found challenges?  Have you any questions about this?  

Or, ask me a question that you would like me to answer on a future episode of LPPTV, what is the one thing you’d like to know? What is the biggest challenge you’re facing in your relationship situation right now?

Please share with as much detail as you can because your insight and questions may provide a breakthrough for someone else and I guarantee if you’re thinking it, someone else is too and they could benefit from you having the courage to share your thoughts and questions.

Thank you in advance for having the courage to share and being kind and understanding in the comments.

…and if you haven’t already, be sure to get your hands on the FREE video series “The First Steps to Transforming Any Relationship” by clicking here now.

Wishing You Love,

Claire x

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LPPTV Episode 9 - What Do You Do If A Guy Or Girl Suddenly Loses Interest? - Claire Brummell, The Relationist, Love Polarity and Passion

What do You Do If A Guy Or Girl Suddenly Loses Interest?

LPPTV Episode 9 - What Do You Do If A Guy Or Girl Suddenly Loses Interest? - Claire Brummell, The Relationist, Love Polarity and PassionThere’s nothing worse.

Things have been going really well.

You’ve been seeing someone for a while and all of the signs have been really great.  You’ve been seeing each other all the time, texting, calling they even brought up the topic of exclusivity.

But then it happens.

Nothing.

Nada.

Total Crickets.

All of a sudden the person who seemed really interest in you suddenly loses interest.

You don’t understand what’s happened and why – what’s changed?

Do you contact them?  Do you leave it?  Do you ‘take the hint?’

I hear from a lot of people who have been through or are going through exactly this situation, so when I got this week’s question through from Ola, I had to do an episode of LPPTV on it…

“What do you do if a guy or girl suddenly loses interest?”

Tweet the Love… When You Have a Concern In A Relationship, First Get Clarity @LovePPassion

Now I’d love to hear from you.

What has your experience of this been? Have you had a new relationship go from ‘foot on the gas’ to being shoved into reverse?  Have you had someone who seems to have suddenly disappeared from the face of the earth? Have you been left wondering what to do?  Have you tried what I suggested in the video?  Did it help?  Have you any questions about this?  What do you think steps 2 and 3 will be?

Or, ask me a question that you would like me to answer on a future episode of LPPTV, what is the one thing you’d like to know? What is the biggest challenge you’re facing in your relationship situation right now?

Please share with as much detail as you can because your insight and questions may provide a breakthrough for someone else and I guarantee if you’re thinking it, someone else is too and they could benefit from you having the courage to share your thoughts and questions.

Thank you in advance for having the courage to share and being kind and understanding in the comments.

…and if you haven’t already, be sure to get your hands on the FREE video series “The First Steps to Transforming Any Relationship” by clicking here now.

Wishing You Love,

Claire x

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What is the key to great relationships?

If Relationships Are The Key To Life, What Is The Key To Having Great Relationships?

What is the key to great relationships?Why do I say that relationship are the key to life? Well, it’s really simple.

Every single area of your life is affected by relationships, they play a part in every single aspect of our lives. We’ve got our intimate relationships with our partners, relationships with family, friends and people at work like our colleagues, managers, employees, clients, customers and suppliers. Even when there’s no one else around and we’re just having a little time for us our relationship with ourselves, the most important relationship we have and yet the one that so many people forget about, is still in play.

So learning how to have really great and fulfilling relationships makes life that much more easier and enjoyable.

So if relationships are the key to life, what is the key to having great relationships?

There are a few key things that are really important in relationships, but there’s one in particular that stands out from the rest and that is to have really great communication.

Why is communication so important? Communication is the foundation of any relationship, it’s what all relationships are built on. If you don’t communicate in any way shape or form, no relationship exists.

So being able to have really great communication is the key to being able to create really great communication is the key to having really fulfilling relationships, regardless of the area of life we’re talking about.

There are obviously other aspects that play into it as well, but the most important one is how we communicate. Everyone has slightly different styles, people use different language, or even more confusingly use the same words but have completely different meanings for them! They’ve got different approaches, some people are very flamboyant and extrovert, others are more introverted.

So being able to bridge these differences in styles and have really great communication means that we’re able to have really great relationships.

Now I tend to find that the simplest tools and techniques are often the most effective, because they’re the easiest to remember and they’re easy to apply. So I’d like to share something with you today that has completely transformed my communication in relationships and could make a huge difference to yours as well.

Today I’m going to share with you a technique called the ‘STAR’ communication model.

It’s really important when we’re relating and communicating with other people that the communication is a two-way thing. Quite often what happens when we’re communicating with other people we’re really enthusiastic about what we have to say so we go into ‘broadcast mode’ where we want to get over to them our thoughts, ideas or opinions more than listen to theirs. When this begins to happen, when they’re speaking we’re just waiting for our opportunity to jump in and share our next thought rather than really listening to what they’re saying to us.

Sometimes that kind of enthusiasm for what we’re speaking about can actually get in the way of the communication, because if each of us is just waiting for our turn to speak, we’re not really taking in what the other person is saying, and if we’re not hearing what the other person is saying then the communication isn’t going to be very effective.

So I’d like to invite you to try our the Star technique the next time you’re having a conversation with someone.

So what is the Star Technique? The Star technique has 5 steps to it, and was inspired by the dictionary definition of ‘A Star’ (someone who is brilliant) because if applied well this technique can make you brilliant at communication.

The Five Steps are:

A – Awareness – Be aware of the other person, the specific language they’re using, their emotional state, how they might be different you, be aware of your outcome before you begin communicating and keep your awareness on the fact that you want to communicate well with them.

S – Stop – When it’s your turn to speak in the conversation, take a moment and pause before responding. Taking a moment takes all the difference when it comes to great communication.
T – Think – Once you’ve stopped, take a moment to think, consider what the other person’s said: Have you understood it? Have you really heard them? Did you really listen to what they had to say? Think about their perspective: Is what you’re about to say considerate of their perspective / feelings? Also think about your outcome: What is the purpose of your communication? What are you trying to achieve? Are you trying to understand them better, or are you just interested in getting your point across? …and then think about how you can communicate what you have to say best, and that has the best chance of achieving your outcome. Would a question be better than a statement? Do you need to know more in order to really respond well to what they’ve said? What would help you to get nearer to your outcome?
A – Acknowledge – Acknowledge what it is that they’ve said, before you respond. Sometimes if we jump right in with sharing what we’ve got to say without stopping first to acknowledge that we’ve actually heard what the other person’s said, that we’ve understood their point and that we’ve really listened to what they’re trying to get across to us, they can feel like it’s a one-way communication and that we’re not really listening to them or interested in what they’ve got to say. So taking a moment to stop and acknowledge them before you reply can make all the difference.
R – Respond – Responding is very different to reacting. Responding is about considering what it is that we’re trying to get across, it’s about taking into consideration what it is that this person’s just said to me, what is it that I want to get across and what’s my outcome here. Do I want to say something that’s going to move us closer together, and that’s going to move the conversation forward, or am I in danger of saying something that might alienate them, that might move us further apart? Sometimes someone can say something to us that can trigger an emotional response. Reacting is about letting our emotions drive the communication, responding is about choosing how we reply having considered our emotions and our thoughts too.

When we use the Star technique, we have awareness, we stop, we think, we acknowledge before we respond, it means that when we do reply to the other person, the way we reply is likely to be more effective. It will mean that they’re more likely to feel heard, they are more likely to feel that it’s a two-way communication and it means that you can choose the response that serves you, the other person and the relationship best.

The great thing about Star communication is that it applies to any kind of relationship in any area of life, so you can practice it any time with anyone.

So now I’d like to hear from you. What are some of the challenges that you’ve had with communication? Do you think that the Star communication technique could help improve your communication with others? Do you think it could help improve your relationships? Have you tried the Star communication technique? What has your experience been with it? Leave your questions and comments below…

…and if you liked this article, please share it using the buttons below!

Finally, if you’d like some free tips and advice on how to improve your relationship situation, pop over here now and check out our free video series “The First Steps to Transforming Any Relationship”

Wishing You Love,

Claire x

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LPPTV Episode 8 - What Does Rejection Really Mean? - Claire Brummell, The Relationist, Love Polarity and Passion

LPPTV Episode 8 – What Does Rejection Really Mean?

LPPTV Episode 8 - What Does Rejection Really Mean? - Claire Brummell, The Relationist, Love Polarity and PassionThis week has been pretty interesting.  I was interviewed for a documentary called “Love in Your Pocket”, which is all about how technology is affecting our experience of dating.

I was asked a lot of questions and some really interesting topics came up, one of which seemed too important not to share via LPPTV.

I’ve spoken about rejection before here on LPPTV, but it’s such a hot topic in the world of dating I’m not surprised it’s come up again so soon.

I regularly speak to both men and women around the world, people who are single and in relationships, and the fear of rejection is an issue that comes up time and time again.

So in today’s episode, I answer the question “What does rejection really mean?”

Tweet the Love… The Number 1 Rule in Relationships, Choose Someone Who Chooses You @LovePPassion

Now I’d love to hear from you.

What has your experience of this been? Have you taken ‘rejection’ to heart and made it mean something about you, like I did? Has this alternative way of viewing ‘rejection’ shown you a different perspective on a past situation? Have you focused on your own sense of self-worth, and has it affected how you feel about someone walking away from you? What has improving your self-esteem done for you in relationships? Has this video brought up a question for you?

Or, ask me a question that you would like me to answer on a future episode of LPPTV, what is the one thing you’d like to know? What is the biggest challenge you’re facing in your relationship situation right now?

Please share with as much detail as you can because your insight and questions may provide a breakthrough for someone else and I guarantee if you’re thinking it, someone else is too and they could benefit from you having the courage to share your thoughts and questions.

Thank you in advance for having the courage to share and being kind and understanding in the comments.

…and if you haven’t already, be sure to get your hands on the FREE video series “The First Steps to Transforming Any Relationship” by clicking here now.

Wishing You Love,

Claire x

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Holding Hands Conscious Coupling Conscious Uncoupling

Forget Conscious Uncoupling, How About We Try Conscious Coupling?

Holding Hands Conscious Coupling Conscious UncouplingWe’ve all heard about Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin’s decision to go their own separate ways by ‘conscious uncoupling’ and the media backlash that it sparked.  I’ve read many articles dripping with disdain for the use of a term that is widely misunderstood.

Well unlike many people, the term was not new to me.  Having studied relationships with some of the top experts around the world, it’s a phrase that is very much a part of my vocabulary.

The question that many people have been asking is “What on earth is conscious uncoupling?”

If you look at the definitions of the word conscious, you begin to get some clues:  ‘Aware of and responding to one’s surroundings’, ‘deliberate and intentional’.

So often in relationships we end up as slaves to our emotions.  When someone hurts us, we don’t think, we just react.  Someone stands on our toes by mistake and we stomp on theirs because it hurts.  We don’t consider what’s happening or why, we behave like animals reacting to our base level instincts.

It’s part of the reason that a split after a long-term relationship can be such a gut-wrenching experience.  We feel hurt, we feel wronged, and our first instinct is to lash out at the person who we see as the source of the pain.

Our reaction hurts them, and they lash out in return.

…and so the chain reaction builds and grows leading to the inevitable conclusion of mutual annihilation.  Maybe not physically, but certainly emotionally.

We end up standing in the wreckage of our former relationship looking around us at the fall out (in terms of our hearts, our friends, family and in the worst cases children), wondering how the person who was once our closest ally in life became our worst enemy.

We take this experience and internalise it, becoming bitter, creating ideas and beliefs about an entire sex and relationships based on our experiences with one or two people.  It changes us, and more often than not it’s not for the better.

So the concept of conscious uncoupling is about choosing to deliberately and intentionally disentangle yourself emotionally from another person, doing it with consciousness and awareness, with the desired outcome being to heal the emotional wounds, take the lessons and the learnings, and move forward having grown in a positive way from the experience.

It’s about moving forward cleanly rather than taking the baggage from one relationship and dumping it on the next.  It’s about making conscious choices that support the life you want to create for yourself, rather than emotional reactions that will simply leave you with consequences.

Is it all sunshine and roses? No.

Is it painful? Yes.

Does it negate the experience of separating or the time spent together? Definitely not.

It’s about learning from the experiences you’ve had and understanding how you can move forward in the best way possible for everyone involved.

As a woman who has spent the vast majority of her life learning about relationships the hard way, and taking the long (often very painful way around) to get to the obvious conclusion, I wish I’d learned about conscious uncoupling a long time ago.

Whether you do it together, or whether you do it alone, conscious uncoupling can be the key to releasing the bitterness and regret from your past relationships and to healing from the experience.

Maybe if more people gave it a try it could reduce some of the pain of divorce and separation, and some of the emotional impact on both the people involved and any children they have?

So conscious uncoupling gets a big ‘thumbs up’ in my book…but what I’m more interested in is ‘conscious coupling’.

You see, it’s not just at the end of our relationships that we can be a slave to our emotions.  Quite often when we meet someone for the first time, we can get swept away with the moment, caught up in the rush of attraction, blinded by chemistry.

Now chemistry is great, as long as it’s built on a solid foundation.

The challenge that many people have is that they aren’t being conscious when they’re dating.

They go out into the world of dating without any real awareness of what they really want, not just in their ideal person but also in the kind of relationship that they’re looking for.

They go out, they meet someone, they feel the zing of chemistry pumping through their veins and before they know it, they’re in a relationship.

Some of these people don’t even want a relationship, but sure enough they wake up one day with the label ‘boyfriend’ or ‘girlfriend’ and wonder what on earth happened!

So what makes for a solid foundation in relationships?  At it’s simplest level it’s about having similar values, beliefs and desires for life.  It doesn’t tend to matter too much what the values, beliefs and desires for life are, as long as they can happily co-exist.

So for example, if one of your highest values is ‘honesty’ but you end up in a relationship with someone who lies all the time because they don’t value honesty in the same way, the chances are it’s not going to make for a happy ending.

Likewise if all you want is 2.4 children and a picket fence, and you’re dating someone who is interested in adventure, experience and sharing that experience with as many ‘special someones’ as possible, it’s probably not going to lead to a happy marriage.

So conscious coupling is about being conscious about whether you want a relationship, what are the important values for your ideal partner to have and what kind of relationship are you looking for?  Are you just interested in something casual?  Do you want a long-term partnership? Do you want marriage, kids, the whole enchilada?!  Which values are most important to you?

Because ultimately the best way to create a great relationship is when you get two people, who have similar values, beliefs and desires, who are interested in a similar kind of relationship and who are genuinely attracted to each other.

So how do you do that?

  1. Get really clear on what you want, both in a partner and in a relationship
  2. Consider who you need to be in order to both attract that kind of partner and create that kind of relationship
  3. Do not compromise your highest values for ANYTHING in a relationship.  It might work for the short term, but it is likely to cost you in the long run.

The challenge that a lot of people face is that they aren’t aware of what they really want, because they’ve either never thought about it (or don’t believe it’s possible) and when they go out dating they don’t consciously choose people who are a good fit for them (and avoid those that aren’t!)

…and more often than not it can be months or years before they realise and consciously acknowledge that a fundamental incompatibility exists between them and it can make for a difficult and often messy separation.

Now taking the conscious coupling approach is no guarantee that things will work out, but it definitely gives you a better chance than unconsciously coupling.

Maybe if we practiced more ‘conscious coupling’ then there wouldn’t be so much ‘conscious uncoupling’ required.

I’d love to hear from you now.  What are your experiences of conscious uncoupling?  What do you think about the idea of conscious coupling and being more conscious of the choices we make when looking for love?  What questions do you have about conscious uncoupling and conscious coupling.  Leave your questions and comments below…

…and if you liked this article, please share it using the buttons below!

Finally, if you’d like some free tips and advice on how to improve your relationship situation, pop over here now and check out our free video series “The First Steps to Transforming Any Relationship”

Wishing You Love,

Claire x

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LPPTV Episode 7 - How Do You Know When You're Ready To Move On? - Claire Brummell, The Relationist, Love Polarity and Passion

LPPTV Episode 7 – How Do You Know When You’re Ready To Move On?

LPPTV Episode 7 - How Do You Know When You're Ready To Move On? - Claire Brummell, The Relationist, Love Polarity and PassionWhenever you come out of a long term relationship, whether it was your choice or not, it can take some time to get to the point where you’re ready to date again.

We can go through the process as if we’re grieving, because we’ve ‘lost’ something.  Either something that we had, or the potential of what the relationship could have been.

It can take time, space and some deep reflection to process the emotions and the experiences to get yourself to a point where you’re ready to begin dating and considering a new relationship.

Unfortunately though, there’s no indicator light that comes on when you’re ready.  There’s no bell that sounds to say ‘That’s it! You’re done, you’ve healed enough and you can begin seeing people again’…so it can be hard to know when the time is right for you.

Having worked with single people I know that many people begin dating again before they’re ready, mainly because they don’t know how to tell.

So today I answer the question sent to me by Steph after she saw a previous episode of LPPTV, “LOVE this Claire Brummell! I think this is particularly the case after divorce I am starting to think, but energetically you need to be truly and fully apart from someone in order to make space for the new. I would love it if you could do a video on when you know you are ready to move on? THANK YOU!”

Tweet the Love… When To Move On? When You’ve Let Go Of The Past, Connected To the Present and Feel Ready For Your Future @LovePPassion

Now I’d love to hear from you.

What has your experience of this been? Have you moved on before you were ready and had challenges as a result of it?  What are your answers to these questions? Have you been able to get to a point where you could answer yes to all of the questions, and how has that changed your dating experience? Would you like to know how to move forward in one or more of the areas? What are the challenges you’re facing with this?

Or, ask me a question that you would like me to answer on a future episode of LPPTV, what is the one thing you’d like to know? What is the biggest challenge you’re facing in your relationship situation right now?

Please share with as much detail as you can because your insight and questions may provide a breakthrough for someone else and I guarantee if you’re thinking it, someone else is too and they could benefit from you having the courage to share your thoughts and questions.

Thank you in advance for having the courage to share and being kind and understanding in the comments.

…and if you haven’t already, be sure to get your hands on the FREE video series “The First Steps to Transforming Any Relationship” by clicking here now.

Wishing You Love,

Claire x

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How to resolve conflict

What’s the First Step to Solving Any Relationship Conflict?

How to resolve conflict

Let’s face it, when you bring two people together for any period of time, sooner or later there is going to be a difference of opinion.

I’ve not yet heard of two people anywhere who always think the exact same thing, at the exact same time with no variance whatsoever.

..and so there is going to come a point in time where you have different points of view.

When it comes to relationships between a man and a woman the opportunity for a difference of opinion comes up more frequently than in relationships between men or between women, mainly because we’re so fundamentally different inside.

We think differently.

We have different motivations.

We feel differently.

We have different priorities.

We have different fears, worries and concerns.

We have different approaches.

We have different meanings for the same words.

In fact, it’s a wonder that we agree on anything!

But it’s not just relationships between men and women that have problems!

Though they might not happen as often, these can happen in relationships between women and between men…it’s natural when you bring two different people together.

Now, if we lived in a culture where we all enlightened and took the approach of accepting and respecting that we all have slightly different points of view, without taking it personally or allowing it to cause conflict in our relationships…we’d be fine. Unfortunately, this isn’t often the case.

Often when someone has a different point of view there’s an assumption that they believe we’re ‘wrong’ and so we defend our point of view to show them otherwise. Or otherwise we feel that they just don’t understand our point of view, so we take it upon ourselves to explain (sometimes forcefully and in a lot of detail!) what we mean, because if they understood it, they’d agree with us, right?

The downside of this, as I’m sure you’ve experienced at some point is that a difference of opinion can quickly switch to a debate, conflict, argument…or worse!

In my experience, knowing the one thing that can help reduce, or resolve conflicts in any and all kinds of relationships is pretty helpful…because you can use it any time a difference of opinion comes up, to prevent the conflict before it even begins.

When you have a relationship between two people, it’s very unlikely that at all times these two people are going to think and believe exactly the same thing. When they’ve got differences of opinion sometimes that can lead to challenge because it can feel like, “I’ve got to convince them that my opinion’s right” or “They’re trying to convince me that their opinion is right”.

How can we find what works for us, in our relationship when our two different opinions seem poles apart? It can cause challenges, it can cause arguments, it can cause rifts in relationships, so having a way that you can approach situations like this and a little bit of insight that might help you in these difficult situations is really crucial.

So what can turn a potential conflict into a meaningful communication?

When these difficulties come up, when these challenges happen it’s so important to remember that you’re on the same team. It might sound simple, but remembering this one thing can change everything. Because when you have a difference of opinion, all of a sudden it can seem that you’re on different sides.

It’s easy to think, “They believe this, and I believe that, but there’s no way that the two can co-exist. I need to convince them that my way is right, or I need to help them understand my side of it, because if they understood we’d be back on the same side again.”

What can tend to happen is that this often degenerates into feeling like you’re not really together; you’re on opposite sides.

So it’s really important to understand that no matter what happens, and what differences of opinion you might have that you’re on the same team.  You want to move in the same direction, you have the same goal in mind: You both want to have a great relationship where you can both feel happy as it makes life more enjoyable. If you remember that you’re on the same team it can help to resolve these situations in a much more amicable way.

Think about a really great sports team. How do they approach each other? They encourage each other, they support each other, they help each other wherever possible. The thing about a really great team is that not every single team mate is in exactly the same spot on the pitch at exactly the same time. If you were on a football team and every single player was in the exact spot on the same field at the same time, the team wouldn’t be very effective. So it’s OK that the team members are sometimes in different positions, that they’ve got different perspectives, that they can see the game from slightly different angles, that’s where the strength in the team comes from, that’s where you can get the best out of your relationships by understanding the team can work better when they look at the different points of view and figure out the right course of action together.

Also what can happen is that if one of the team is scoring all of the goals, they can get a bit annoyed about the fact that the other team members aren’t scoring at all and they’re having to do ‘all the hard work’. But if the other team member is the goal keeper, protecting your goal from the other team, they have a key position to play, even if it’s not doing the same thing that you are. If every member of the football team was trying to score goals, but no one was protecting your goal from the other side, the team would be less likely to win the match.

The important thing to remember with a team is that everyone has their role to play, everyone’s part is important and everyone doesn’t need to think exactly the same thing at exactly the same time and be in exactly the same position. When you realise that you’re on a team, you can start to work together to resolve any challenges. You can start to work together to try and understand the other person’s point of view and see if their perspective of the game could actually help you rather than hinder you. Is there a mutual perspective, taking into consideration both points of view that would actually benefit both of you better?

When you start to behave and work like a team, the key word being together, you can work it out. Just remembering that you’re on the same team, that the other person isn’t out to get you, they’re not out to prove that you’re wrong, it’s you and them together working it out in a way that works best for both of you, that can totally transform the way that you see challenges, and the approach you take towards resolving them.

The thing to look for in order to use this little gem of insight is for the moments when you feel triggered.

Where someone has said or done something (or not said or not done something) that has triggered a reaction in you. You’re feeling something. Angry, annoyed, frustrated, unloved, unappreciated, unheard, unimportant…whatever the emotion is, you can feel it.

At that point, when you’re feeling that emotion, that’s the moment to remember that you’re on the same team.

You’re on the same side. You’re in it together.

When you remember that, you can work with them to resolve the situation, rather than feeling that they’re against you.

That small shift in perspective can make all the difference and totally change how you approach a situation, and in return how the other person approaches you. …and that makes everything easier to resolve.

So now I’d like to hear from you. How do you feel when you remember that you’re on the same team? How are they responding to you when you take this approach? Does the conflict feel easier to resolve? Are you working together more than usual? Do you think it will help in the future? Has it brought up more questions? I’d love to hear your thoughts, so please leave me a comment below, or drop me an email and let me know what you think. Have you had any questions or comments that have come up as a result of reading this?

…and if you liked this article, please share it using the buttons below!

Finally, if you’d like some free tips and advice on how to improve your relationship situation, pop over here now and check out our free video series “The First Steps to Transforming Any Relationship”

Wishing You Love,

Claire x

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LPPTV Episode 6 – What Is Polarity?

LPPTV Episode 6 - What Is Polarity? - Claire Brummell, The Relationist, Love Polarity and PassionWhen I was first learning about relationships, there was one concept in particular that completely transformed both how I saw myself, and my understanding of relationships.

It was the understanding that led me to launch my first website, Feminine 1st, and it’s a crucial part of the work I teach today.

It’s also the concept that is least known and understood by most of the people I work with.

It’s a concept that isn’t talked about much, and I’d never heard of before I began my own journey in learning about relationships several years ago.

It’s also one of the things I get asked about most when people learn that my business is called “Love Polarity & Passion”

In this episode of LPPTV I answer the question “What Is Polarity?”

Tweet the Love… Polarity Is The Natural Magnetic Attraction Between The Masculine and The Feminine @LovePPassion

Now I’d love to hear from you.

What has your experience of this been?  Have you experienced this magnetic attraction to someone who is your polar opposite? Have you experienced two masculine energies pushing each other away? Can you see now what has been missing in your relationship? Have you got any questions about Polarity, Masculine and Feminine? What are the challenges you’re facing with this?

Or, ask me a question that you would like me to answer on a future episode of LPPTV, what is the one thing you’d like to know? What is the biggest challenge you’re facing in your relationship situation right now?

Please share with as much detail as you can because your insight and questions may provide a breakthrough for someone else and I guarantee if you’re thinking it, someone else is too and they could benefit from you having the courage to share your thoughts and questions.

Thank you in advance for having the courage to share and being kind and understanding in the comments.

…and if you haven’t already, be sure to get your hands on the FREE video series “The First Steps to Transforming Any Relationship” by clicking here now.

Wishing You Love,

Claire x

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LPPTV Episode 5 - Why Is Rejection Awesome? - Claire Brummell, The Relationist, Love Polarity and Passion

LPPTV Episode 5 – Why Is Rejection Awesome?

LPPTV Episode 5 - Why Is Rejection Awesome? - Claire Brummell, The Relationist, Love Polarity and PassionWhen working with men and women around the world the one fear that comes up time and time and time again is ‘rejection’.

Everyone seems to be afraid of rejection.

In fact, most people are downright terrified of it.

People will do almost anything to avoid rejection: Twist themselves into a pretzel to be the person they think someone else will want, hide the ‘real them’ in case the other person doesn’t appreciate them…even avoid relationships completely!

Now these might seem like extreme tactics, but in my experience most people have done at least one of these things at some point in their lives.

All because they didn’t want to be rejected.

But I think that rejection has had a bad rap.  In fact, I think rejection could become your best friend and ally in the world of dating and relationships.

I’d even go so far as to say that rejection can be AWESOME.

Have I lost my marbles?

You’ll have to watch the video to find out…

Tweet the Love… Celebrate The Wrong Person Walking Away, They’re Making Space For The Right One @LovePPassion

Now I’d love to hear from you.

What has your experience of this been?  Have you been rejected by someone, only to find someone later who seems so much more right for you?  Have you been distraught at the end of a relationship, only to realise later that actually it’s been the best thing to happen to you?  Are you grateful that someone has rejected you in the past, because it helped you find the person you were meant to be with?  Are you currently struggling with rejection, and do you have any questions about how to deal with it? What are the challenges you’ve faced with rejection?

Or, ask me a question that you would like me to answer on a future episode of LPPTV, what is the one thing you’d like to know? What is the biggest challenge you’re facing in your relationship situation right now?

Please share with as much detail as you can because your insight and questions may provide a breakthrough for someone else and I guarantee if you’re thinking it, someone else is too and they could benefit from you having the courage to share your thoughts and questions.

Thank you in advance for having the courage to share and being kind and understanding in the comments.

…and if you haven’t already, be sure to get your hands on the FREE video series “The First Steps to Transforming Any Relationship” by clicking here now.

Wishing You Love,

Claire x

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Can someone change?

Can A Person Really Change?

Can someone change?Sometimes in my line of work I get to have a really good giggle to myself.

I imagine one (or many!) of my ex-boyfriends from years ago, browsing the internet (as we all do from time to time), looking up people they used to know and seeing what they’re up to these days.

I imagine them happening upon my Facebook profile, Linked In Profile, or seeing one of my videos on Youtube.

I giggle to myself when I imagine the looks on their face as they exclaim, “She does WHAT now?!”

If any of you have read my story (click here if you haven’t and want to find out how I got here) you’ll know that my relationship history hasn’t exactly been smooth, or easy.

I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again, at various times in my past I’ve made every relationship mistake you can imagine. Some I’ve made once, some I’ve made twice, most of them I made over and over and over again.

You see, when I need to learn a lesson, I like to make sure I learn it REALLY well 😉

Everything I’ve experience in the past informs not just who I am today, but the work I do as well.

I can tell you that if most of the men I’ve dated in the past met me today, they would barely recognise the woman looking back at them.

Over the past years I’ve not just changed, I’ve transformed. I’ve grown, I’ve learned, I’ve stumbled, I’ve got up and learned some more.

I’ve taken every painful relationship experience, as well as every wonderful one, and I’ve used it to teach me about the kind of woman I want to be, the kind of relationship I want to create…and even more, how I could go ahead and make that a reality.

The relationship I have today bears very little resemblance to those of my past, but without the relationships of my past I wouldn’t have known what to do (and probably more importantly what not to do!) to get to where I am today.

So the question I asked is, can people really change?

The answer, without question is yes.

But…

…and this is quite a big but…

…they have to want to change. It has to come from them.

I was told, time and time again about the mistakes I was making. Not just from the men I dated (though they did point out errors on occasion!), but from the experiences I was having.

All I needed to do was to take a look at what was happening in those relationship to know that something wasn’t right.

But I didn’t see it. I didn’t WANT to see it. I thought I was right, and I was going to continue doing things the way I did them, regardless of the consequences.

It took many relationship mistakes, and many relationship breakdowns for me to realise for myself that something was wrong…and that I was the common denominator.

Don’t get me wrong, as I’ve said in previous articles and episodes of LPPTV, every situation in every relationship is co-created by two people. It’s never just one person’s fault. But I had to face responsibility for my part in the situations I was finding myself in.

…and finally I was ready to change. Finally I was ready to listen and learn. Finally I wanted something different for myself badly enough to do things in a different way.

It didn’t matter how many times someone had pointed out to me that my way could use a little ‘adjusting’(!), I had to want to change in order for change to really happen for me.

The challenge in relationships is that quite often we get into a habit in relationships of focusing our attention on where the other person should change, not on our own part.

I was very good at pointing out to my partners (yes, I do cringe now when thinking about it!) where they were doing things wrong, why I was right, and how they should change their behaviours.

But as I learned through first hand experience, the more you try to change someone, the more they want to stay exactly as they are.

By trying to change someone you’re inadvertently saying to them ‘you’re not good enough as you are’.

When you make someone feel that they’re not good enough, you drive a wedge between yourself and them, and they are likely to go into one of two modes: Protect & defend, or attack.

Neither of these is conducive to a great relationship because, in either scenario, you become the enemy.

…and if you do succeed in changing them, it often comes at a cost to your relationship together.

On the other hand, the more that you accept them as they are, the more they’re likely to be open to new ways of thinking and doing things.

In any relationship, the best way to affect change is to inspire it. By being the change you want to see in others.

If they’re not taking responsibility for their part in a challenge in your relationship, first check to make sure that you’re taking responsibility for yours.

If they’re not supporting you the way that you want to be supported, check to see that you’re supporting them in the way that they want to be supported.

If they don’t understand you, first make the effort to understand them.

The more I’ve become the kind of woman I want to be, both in and out of a relationship, the man in my life has become even more of the kind of man that I really appreciate…and he was pretty amazing to begin with!

So if something isn’t clicking quite the way you’d like it to in your relationship, my first suggestion is to look at yourself. If you want to change how your partner is doing things, first look to see if you can change how you’re doing things.

Then allow them space to change, if and when they choose to, in their own time.

…and if there are any ex-partners of mine reading this article, I’d like to both apologise and say thank you. Sorry for the part I played in creating the challenges in our relationship. Sorry for any hurt or pain I caused through my actions, or inaction. Thank you for the time we shared together, it has helped me to become the woman I am today….and it continues to help my clients and audience around the world. I truly hope that your life is a happy one, and that you learned and benefited as much from our time together as I did.

So now I’d like to hear from you. What are your experiences of this? Have you changed from the person you were in the past? Have you ever wanted or tried to change someone else? How did it work out for you? Have you had any questions or comments that have come up as a result of reading this?

…and if you liked this article, please share it using the buttons below!

Finally, if you’d like some free tips and advice on how to improve your relationship situation, pop over here now and check out our free video series “The First Steps to Transforming Any Relationship”

Wishing You Love,

Claire x