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Worst Valentine's Day Ever

Can a disasterous Valentine’s Day actually be a good thing? I should know…

Worst Valentine's Day EverValentine’s isn’t always all hearts and flowers

Valentine’s Day can be wonderful.

If you choose to spend it with the person who you love, enjoying and indulging in the wonderful connection that you have, it can be magical.

If you’re alone, it can be difficult.

If your partner walked out on you unexpectedly the night before, it can be devastating.

I know.

Several years ago, this was how I spent Valentine’s Day.

At 11pm on February 13th, the man who I thought I would be spending the rest of my life with walked out on me unexpectedly.

I was in shock.

I was waiting for the punch line.

Surely this was just a bad joke. A very very bad joke.

But it wasn’t.

It was real.

It was painful.

It was heart-breaking.

The bottom fell out of my world.

When he walked out of the door, he took with him my partner, my best friend, my business mentor, my technical team, and the vast majority of my savings account.

I felt completely and totally alone.

My romantic life was in tatters, my business was up in the air, my financial stability had been removed and my confidence was in ruins.

My Worst Valentine’s Day Ever…

I woke up, Valentine’s morning feeling like I’d hit rock bottom.

I cried, I talked, I cried, I vented and cried even more.

Most of my friends and close family members were either married, in long-term relationships or having babies.

At that point it felt like I was a million miles away from “happily ever after”.

I was done.

For the first time in a long time I realised I didn’t want to be in a relationship.

I’d spent the last 10-15 years of my life pretty much going from one relationship to the next, without much time for me in between, and it felt like it was now my time.

Having spent so much time with other people, I’d lost touch a little with my ‘Inner Claire.’ What did she want? What did she need? What was important to her? How did she want to spend her time? What did she want to do?

It was time to find out.

So I decided to go on a bit of a journey of discovery. Learning more about myself, learning how to become my own best friend, learning to love myself, exactly as I was.

Spending quality time with me.

Going out dancing, travelling, spending time with friends, visiting places I loved, meditating, journaling…doing the things I loved, and enjoying them!

By spending this time making my life ‘All about me,’ I was feeling fulfilled in a way that I hadn’t done in years.

I was happy, having fun, enjoying life.

I was absolutely beaming, and everywhere I went, people were remarking about how I was radiating this great energy. I kept hearing that I was bringing a certain ‘sparkle’ when I entered a room.

After a while it occurred to me that it’s because for the first time in a long time I was being me. Unashamedly, unreservedly, undeniably me.

It was transforming how I felt, the work I was doing, the experiences I was having, and the people I was coming into contact with.

All of a sudden I realised that by being all of me, I was giving them permission to be all of them too.

Everywhere I went people were being magnetically drawn to my energy.

And not just any people, the people who I wanted to spend time with. The ones I resonated with, the kindred spirits, the soul sisters and brothers; my kinda people.

So I asked myself, what had changed? Why was I all of a sudden attracting a different kind of person into my life?

If it was happening with friends, would it start happening with men too?

And then it happened. The lightbulb moment.

In the work I was doing with women and men from around the world, I saw a pattern.

Those who were struggling to attract the kind of relationship they really wanted were following certain behaviours. More importantly those who had attracted the relationship they’d always desired WEREN’T following these same behaviours.

A Different Story

Suddenly the answers to so many questions became clear. Why I’d been attracting relationships that were doomed to failure, why I’d struggled to find any masculine men, where I’d been going wrong for all these years, why I couldn’t find love.

When I recognised the mistakes that both I and so many other women were making I started to change my approach to dating, and to men in general.

At that point everything began to change.

Not long after the most incredible man appeared in my life, and being conscious of avoiding these mistakes transformed the experience of dating for us.

That was some time ago now, and he and I are now travelling the world, living the life we’ve always wanted, and sharing the experience of helping others to transform their relationship lives.

He is everything I wanted in a man and more, our connection is deeper, more real, more intimate and more passionate than any man I’ve been with before.

This is the best relationship I’ve ever experienced in my life and we couldn’t be happier. What’s interesting is that without the Valentine’s Day from hell, I wouldn’t be where I am now.

So it turns out the worst V-Day ever, was actually the best gift I could have asked for.

Something to think about…

Wishing You Love,

Claire x

Feminine Head

What IS Feminine? What does femininity look like? – Part 2

Feminine woman 2

Last week I started answering the question “What IS Feminine and what does it look like” and we covered the first four aspects: Flow, Emotionally Connected, Making Connections & Inspiring.

This week, we finish with the final four aspects of the feminine:

Nurturing

People who are more feminine at core are at their heart nurturers…but this doesn’t mean that we all need to have children, or spend our afternoons tending flowerbeds!

Our feminine nurturing nature can be applied in any area of life…it is about supporting and helping to inspire growth in both ourselves and those around us.  It’s about caring for, supporting and protecting someone throughout a time of growth and development. That could be you, your partner, a friend, a family member, staff, pretty much anyone.

It can be important, especially in the area of adult intimate relationships, to understand the difference between nurturing and mothering, because without this clarity the lines can be very much blurred.

Mothering often comes from a place of ‘I know best, and I need to protect you from yourself,’ this approach can feel controlling, constricting and patronising. Nurturing on the other hand comes from a place of ‘I care about you, and I will support you in the way that you want and need support, not in the way that I want to.’

It respects another’s choices and decisions, and supports them through their journey rather than trying to direct the path that they ‘should’ take (based on the other person’s perspective and opinion). Nurturing brings together a beautiful combination of welcome support and allowing.

Intuition

Everyone has heard of female (or feminine) intuition – tales of it are legendary!  But it doesn’t have to be attributed to some form of supernatural ability.

The feminine has a very expanded awareness, we are ‘omni-aware,’ meaning that we are simultaneously aware of the huge range of elements and subtleties in both our external and internal worlds.

Unfortunately our conscious mind doesn’t have the capacity to be able to process all that we’re aware of consciously, so our intuition is often a blend of awareness, knowledge and experience. So many connections are made at a subconscious level that we don’t understand WHY we have the feeling that we do, just that something feels right, or not.

At times I’m sure that we’ve all had a gut instinct about something, often that we couldn’t actually explain or rationalise, it could be that we’re connecting with some sort of “higher ability” or it could just be your subconscious is aware of things that your conscious mind hasn’t been able to process.  Either way, if it serves you and steers you in the right direction, then allow yourself to follow it.

Natural

Femininity comes from a place of complete and total authenticity.  As a feminine person it is about getting back to who you naturally are at your core, embracing and embodying it completely.

Being feminine is owning, honouring and celebrating the real you, from the heart, and sharing it with the world.  It’s not about looking, or acting a certain way or wearing certain things.  It’s about being you, through and through, inside and out, and recognising how beautiful that is.

It’s really getting in touch with who you are inside, with your ‘essence,’ and allowing that to radiate out. As such femininity is connected more to being than it is to doing. In our busy, ever-seeking masculine oriented culture, where we’re always looking to do more, achieve more, be more there is this constant feeling that we need to be ‘doing’ something to get ‘there,’ wherever our current goal resides.

The feminine, contrarily, is all about being, here, now, present. Breathing and being. Recognising that you’re enough, right here, right now, that you don’t need to do anything more, or be anything more. You were enough the second you were born and you have been, are and will be enough every second of your life. So nothing else is needed, nothing else is necessary, you can relax and just be who you naturally are.

Energy

Energy is where the spark is added to the mix.  This is where our sense of strength, passion and real feminine power comes from.  A person who is feminine at core is an absolute force of nature.

They don’t seek out power, or need to prove themselves, and when they’re really in their element there is absolutely no need for either.

You can feel the flow of feminine power coursing through you, and every single person you meet can feel it too. This comes from connecting with all of the different types of energy that are the life-blood of the feminine; Loving, sensual, passionate, playful, intense, light, dark, sad, joyful, embracing and expressing them all.

How can we do this? Through connecting to the pleasure of our sensuality, igniting all of our senses and then embracing and expressing the energy that this connects us to.

We can connect to our sense of being playful, childlike and having fun with life!  Not taking ourselves so seriously!

We can connect to our sense of wonder that life held when you were a child and bringing that joy and ability to appreciate the little things into your everyday life.

We can connect to our sense of intensity, our sense of passion, our sense of love and allow ourselves to express the feelings and energy that they produce in our bodies.

By allowing ourselves to live life through being present to the rich, multi-sensory experiences we are capable of, through vivid colours, exquisite textures, luscious aromas, intriguing sounds and delectable flavours we can connect to the energy inside ourselves.

Through connecting to and allowing the pleasure in every experience, we ignite the energy within.

The feminine has all of these of traits and aspects to it but primarily femininity is a feeling.  When we connect to the feminine part of ourselves it brings with it a feeling of relaxation, of expansion, of receptivity, of lusciousness, of our senses and bodies being alive and radiating through everything we are.

And the question now is – what’s YOUR experience of being feminine?

…and if you liked this article, please share it using the buttons below!

Finally, if you’d like some free tips and advice on how to improve your relationship situation, pop over here now and check out our free video series “The First Steps to Transforming Any Relationship”

Wishing You Love,

Claire x

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feminine woman

What IS Feminine? What does femininity look like? – Part 1

feminine woman

Having established what feminine isn’t the next obvious question is “what do we mean when we say ‘feminine’?”

Femininity can take on many forms, because it is unique to the individual woman.

For example, when I’ve asked for examples of feminine women in the public eye, three women who regularly get mentioned are Kate Middleton (the newest member of the royal family), the actress Kate Winslet and Dita Von Teese.

I’m sure you would agree that the appearance and behaviour of each of these women are very different, and yet they are all viewed as feminine women…because each of them are connecting to the aspects of the feminine in a way that it authentic to them.

936full-kate-middleton Kate_Winslet-2-The_Readerdita-von-teese-headshot

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Some women do it naturally, others (having spent their life behaving in a more masculine way to try and fit in, be accepted or be successful) find it benefits them to take a little time to play with femininity and masculinity to find the balance of the two that really feels natural to them as opposed to just following the habit they’ve formed over many years. I speak from personal experience.

Femininity isn’t something that you can put on the outside.  It comes from within, from a feeling deep in your core.  When you connect to it, it radiates out through every aspect of your being.

Contrary to popular belief wearing certain dresses, high heels or doing your hair in a certain way doesn’t MAKE you feminine, that would be like suggesting that putting on scrubs and a surgeon’s mask makes you a surgeon. However, sometimes those external choices (what to wear, how to spend your time) can help you to FEEL more feminine and (because femininity comes from an internal feeling) when you feel more feminine by very definition you are being more feminine.

What are the aspects of the feminine?

Because our femininity is as unique as we are, I can’t get you a step-by-step formula that if you follow the instructions and check all the items of the list will result in you blossoming into your feminine effortlessly, but what I can do is give you some guidance, tips and advice to find your very own unique Flavour Of Feminine, the way of being that resonates deeply with you and helps you to ignite the aspects of the feminine in the way that FEELS best to you.

What I can share with you, however, is that there are some core aspects of femininity which are common to all feminine women.  They may appear to a greater or lesser extent from person to person, and they may show up differently in different women, but in my experience they will all appear in some shape or form in a woman who is connected (or connecting) to her feminine nature.

In order to make it nice and easy for us to remember these aspects (in case we decide that we would like to focus on developing any of them), I’ve pulled them together into a simple acronym.  It couldn’t be simpler…it’s about connecting to our F.E.M.I.N.I.N.E.

Little Side Note: As I’ve mentioned in previous articles, we all have masculine and feminine in us, so for anyone who is more feminine at their core connecting with the feminine is never about denying our masculine or making it wrong, instead it’s about allowing our feminine aspects to go first, and then utilising the masculine traits as and when it serves us and those around us best, as is true in reverse for someone who is more masculine at core.

We will begin today with the first four aspects of the feminine:

Flow

Being feminine is all about being open, letting things flow and surrendering any desire to control.

A crucial element of flow is that it is two-way; it is about giving AND receiving in equal measure.  If you can maintain an openness in your daily life, and allow yourself to both give and to receive from those around you, you will naturally feel more relaxed and feminine.

The very nature of flow is one of ease and relaxation. Flow requires no effort, no force, no pushing, all it requires is allowing. When we allow things to flow, we get to let go of the tension in our bodies, minds and hearts.

So one of the paths to allowing more flow into our lives is to let go of the illusion of control.

Ultimately we know that we don’t really have the ability to control anything, but we make ourselves feel better about the uncertainty of life by believing in the illusion that we do.

Unfortunately when we try to control the uncontrollable (which life very much is!) it brings more tension, stress and worry.

The more we try to control, the more we realise we have to do to have control, the more effort we put into it, the more we realise that there is STILL something out of our control and the cycle begins again.

The reality is that there will always be something outside of our control and therefore the only way to really have peace, relaxation and calm inside is to accept, let go of the illusion and allow ourselves to be in flow.

Emotionally connected

People who are more feminine at core are natural relationship builders; we use our ability to connect emotionally with ourselves and others to develop genuine bonds with the people around us.

Our ability to express vulnerability, compassion and kindness are our biggest assets when it comes to connecting at an emotional level.  Emotion is such a crucial aspect of being feminine and as love is the most positive and powerful it is the best place to start, both with yourself and with others.

Love has managed to get itself a bit of a bad rap though…we’ve all heard sayings such as “Love Hurts” and “It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all”.  So when we talk about love it’s not the 21st century kind with all the rules, restrictions and pain associated with it.

We are talking about natural love, the kind that you have for your mother before you even know who she is.  Unconditional love, pure and simple.

Making connections

As we saw above, people who are more feminine at core are natural relationship builders, we seek out connections, community, bonds with other people. We are naturally inclined to reach out, to communicate and collaborate with others.

We see this in the way that we communicate. Women (who generally speaking tend to be more feminine at core than men, though it is important to note that this not true for all women) on average speak 20,000 words a day, whereas men (who tend more generally to the masculine at core) speak an average of only 7,000.The feminine looks for connections, we look to build our own ‘tribes’ to share the experiences of our lives.

When under stress, the feminine generally speaking will look to reach out and find comfort through connection with others, and will seek to do the same when they see others experiencing challenges, offering a space to share their difficulties, some words of encouragement or simply a hug.

Inspiring

Unlike the masculine counterpart, the feminine doesn’t have any inclination to use direction, force or pressure to affect people around them.

Our core strength lies in being able to inspire, motivate and positively influence anyone we come into contact with, simply from the way we are being. If you’re a feminine woman at core and you want to see your man be more masculine, demanding it out of him is coming from a more masculine place inside of you.

If your man is truly masculine at core he will either step into the masculine in competition with the masculine you are expressing (not a dynamic that works well in intimate relationships, remembering what we know about polarity!) or he will step back into a more feminine position as you are occupying the masculine space in the relationship.

If you want your man to step more into the masculine, the best approach is to step even further into your feminine and inspire him to step into the masculine by how you relate to him from that place.

Join me again next week when I will be sharing about the other four aspects of the feminine, and the impact they have on our lives…

…and if you liked this article, please share it using the buttons below.

Finally, if you’d like some free tips and advice on how to improve your relationship situation, pop over here now and check out our free video series “The First Steps to Transforming Any Relationship”

Wishing You Love,

Claire x

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Couple Christmas Kissing

Last Christmas?

Couple Christmas KissingI love Christmas time.

It’s all about fun, family, friends…a season of magic to warm up the chill of winter outside. It’s a chance to be a big kid (not that I need any excuse!) and indulge in all the things that we spend the rest of the year saying “oh I shouldn’t…” to.

It’s also the time of year where you get to hear from people that you haven’t heard from in the last 12 months, and often haven’t seen in much longer.

When the Christmas cards start appearing, it’s great hearing all the little bits of news that get included with the greetings inside.

A couple of years ago, however, one card had some news that we weren’t expecting.

News that came as quite a shock.

A family friend wrote and told us that her son lost his battle with colon cancer in the November before.

He was 30.

Now…this might sound like a bit of a depressing topic to be sharing just before Christmas…but bear with me…there is a string of festive fairy lights at the end of the tunnel, I promise.

I would like to say that Steven is the first person who I have known who has parted this life early. Unfortunately I can’t.

I lost a dear friend from university to cancer in her early twenties, one of my parents’ closest friends lost his wife to a sudden brain haemorrhage, my sister lost a friend from school to cancer, and a few years back a friend and shining light in the salsa dancing community was taken from us in a car accident at the age of 24.

This recent sudden loss cause me to reflect on this a lot…and it occurred to me that none of the people I have mentioned here would have had any clue that their last Christmas, was their last Christmas.

If they had known, if their families and loved ones had known, what would they have done differently? If they had the chance to have another ‘last Christmas’ what would they do to make it the most magical of all?

Now, I hope for myself and each and every one of you that we will all live long and happy lives into old age, spending many Christmases to come filled with fun and laughter, surrounded by friends and family all driving us crazy and creating more special memories together.

But if this were your last Christmas, what would YOU do to make it the most magical? What would you make sure you said to the people you love? How would you enjoy every single moment?

What are the insignificant niggles that you would let go because they just don’t matter? What are the moments that you would take a mental photograph of? How would you make every minute with the people you care about most matter? What could you do to make it the best Christmas you and your family and friends have ever had?

As some of you know, when I was doing my marathon training a few years back I had a revelation which totally changed the experience of running for me.

I realised that there must be hundreds of thousands of people in the world who would love to be able to experience what I was doing on my morning run, but couldn’t (for whatever reason). So I began running for them.

Each session was dedicated to someone else who couldn’t run for themselves…and when I ran, I ran the way I imagined that they would if they had the opportunity to run just once. It was a total game changer for me. Something which once felt like a chore became an incredible experience filled with gratitude and fun.

Now I know, that every single one of those people who didn’t realise that they were experiencing their last Christmas would LOVE the opportunity to have just one last festive season with their closest family and friends, and their family and friends would give anything to have one last Christmas with the person who’s no longer here with us.

A couple of years ago I took this message to heart and added a new tradition to my Christmas celebrations. I wanted to take the festive season as a prompt, a reminder to tell the people closest to me how I feel about them, to say thank you to them and to let them know how much they mean to me.

Christmas Thank yousSo every year, normally on Christmas Eve, I take the time to sit down and write a personal thank you note to each of the members of my family. I remind them of fun times we’ve had together, of memories from my childhood, of moments we’ve shared in the past year. I let them know how grateful I am for them, for the relationship we have and how much I love them.

I always shed a tear or two of love and appreciation when writing these letters, and the response they get always touches my heart. My 85 year old Grandmother is not normally one for sentiment, but she has often said how those letters, reminding her of special moments we shared when I was young, taking a moment to say all the things we forget to say most of the time, really mean something to her.

What started off as a single piece of inspiration, is now a Christmas tradition…and one that I always look forward to as I know every Christmas my family and loved ones get to hear, from my heart to theirs, just how much they mean to me.

So maybe this year as well as all the boxes and presents under your tree there could be a few simple envelopes that contain in them a gift that is priceless, for the people you care most about?  Hearing in your words how much they mean to you.

I’m sure that every single one of us knows someone who didn’t know they were having their last Christmas with someone special, whether they are the person who is still here, or the one who left before they expected to.

So how about this year we choose to celebrate this Christmas in their spirit? Enjoy every moment of this Christmas season the way that they would if they had the chance to do it again. To soak up every second and make memories which we will all cherish.

…and why not celebrate every special occasion…even every day like it were our last? We would focus on the best of each moment, and instantly dismiss any minor frustrations which don’t mean anything when you look at the big picture. What memories we would create!

I don’t know about you…but if my lifetime is going to be the long and happy one that I fully intend for it to be, then I want it to be filled with THOSE kinds of memories. 😀

How about you?

I wish every single one of you a Christmas celebrated with the people who you love as if it were the last you were going to get. One filled with happiness, laughter and love.

With Love,

Claire x

heal broken heart

The 5 most important things to help you deal with a broken heart…

heal broken heartBy now, I’m sure you know that during the course of my life I’ve had to face one of the more difficult challenges that life has to offer more than once…how to deal with a broken heart.

After going through the normal reaction involving tears, above average chocolate consumption and an extra glass of wine here and there, the question I asked myself was “How could this experience help the people that I work with?”

The answer I got was to share with you the 5 most important things to help you deal with a broken heart.

Heartbreak is never easy, always painful and can take some time, so finding ways to make the journey a little more bearable is important.  So, following on from last week’s “How to deal with a broken heart” here are are the 5 most important things to help make the journey a little easier:

1. Feel the emotion – It can be easy to put the barriers up, and close yourself off to try and protect yourself from the pain.  But by doing that you only end up hurting yourself in the long run.  It’s so important to stay open and feel the emotions fully as and when they come up, in order for you to then be able to let them go and begin to heal.  In order to make this a little easier try and remember to stay “R.E.A.L.”

Recognise – Recognise an emotion as it comes up, no judgment, just be aware of how you’re feeling and allow yourself to face it rather than finding some way to distract yourself or avoid it.

Experience – Let yourself feel the emotion completely.  Don’t hold back, just allow yourself to feel how you need to feel.  If you need to cry, cry, if you need to shout, shout, if you want to laugh, laugh…but allow yourself to experience the emotion fully.

Accept – Accept the way that things are.  The situation as it is and what has happened.  Give yourself permission to feel how you feel and accept that it’s ok to feel sad / angry / disappointed / upset or whatever it is that you’re feeling.

Let go – Release the emotion…let it go.  Once you’ve felt it there is no reason to hang onto it anymore, it won’t serve you to do so.

2. Take some space – When you go through a major life change like a breakup, it’s important to give yourself a bit of space.  If possible, don’t make any major decisions for a month or two, to allow yourself to adjust to the changes in your life.  Just give yourself a bit of space and time to feel what you need to feel, begin to heal and work out what you would like for yourself next.

3. Focus on you and your needs – As you no longer have to worry about a partner’s feelings, wants, needs or desires, now is the time to focus on you.  What do you want? What makes you happy?  What makes you smile?  What would you like to do?  I’m not talking about big-picture long-term stuff here, I’m talking about day-to-day, what would make you feel good?  Work out what it is, and make sure that you are meeting your needs and wants.  Whether that’s a walk in the country, a night out dancing, some cave time, or an indulgent day to pamper yourself.

4. Let others be there for you – If you are lucky enough to have people around you who care for you and want to be there for you, let them.  If they were going through a tough time you would want to be able to support them, so let them do the same for you.  Having people around who care about you, even if its just company while you watch a film, can really help.  …and if they give great hugs, even better 🙂

5. Be Kind to yourself – Be gentle with yourself.  Don’t expect yourself to feel instantly better overnight.  Allow yourself the time and space you need to heal…and treat yourself kindly on the journey.

I know firsthand how difficult dealing with heartbreak can be…as you know by now, I’ve faced it a number of times.

But believe me, if you can remember these 5 important things it will make the journey a little easier…and someday soon, after a bit of time for you, you’ll be ready to love again.

With Love,

Claire x

Broken Heart, Heartbreak

How to deal with Heartbreak…

Broken Heart, HeartbreakA question that I get asked on a regular basis is “How do I deal with a broken heart?” and specifically from women “How do I deal with a broken heart and still stay in my feminine?”

As we know, being feminine is about being open and embracing the ability to be vulnerable. So when I first wrote this article several years ago, I shared completely open about my personal situation…

At the time I had recently experienced heartbreak first-hand.

I didn’t go into details, except to say that a few weeks earlier my partner took the decision to leave. …leaving me to deal with a broken heart.

Luckily or unluckily, depending on which way you look at it, this was not my first trip around this merry-go-round. So as painful as it was, at least I knew what to expect.

Every breakup is different, but the emotions are often the same or very similar.

You have either lost or had taken away from you something that you cherished…so there is a real feeling of grief and pain.

Most of us know that there are 5 theoretical stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance (of which I’ve experienced at least 3 in the last few weeks…)

But knowing the stages that you’re going to experience doesn’t actually help you to deal with them.

So how do you deal with it?  …and as a woman, how do you deal with it and still stay in your feminine?

Being open, emotionally connected and vulnerable is painful when you are going through a breakup. But from my own personal experience, the alternative can come back to bite you …

I experienced my first real heartbreak at the age of 24. It was with the first man who I truly loved and who I had moved to a new area of the country to be with.

The split came totally out of the blue for me. I had no idea that it was coming and it was a complete shock.

It was like someone had just pulled the bottom out of my world.

As we lived together, and I had very few friends in the area where we lived, I had to leave in the middle of the night and went back home to my parents’ house.

For three days I completely fell apart.

…and I mean completely and totally fell apart.

I was inconsolable.

The worst part of it wasn’t actually the pain I was experiencing, although it was gut wrenching. As strange as this may sound, the worst part was watching my family watching me going through it.

We have always been a very close family and seeing the pain on their faces, watching me going through it while knowing there was nothing they could do to take it away, was unbearable.

After three days I’d had enough.

I was tired of crying. I was tired of feeling so awful. I was determined to take control again. So given that I was going to be moving to be closer to my friends and family there were plenty of things for me to focus on.

I was focused on getting a new job, finding a flat, anything and everything to distract myself from feeling as bad as I did.

…and for a while it worked.

I moved, I started my new job and began my new life.

Until one day, about 6 months after the split, I was walking back to my car after a long day at the office when it hit me like a freight train.

All of a sudden, I was experiencing all the emotions and pain that I had felt immediately following the split.

I no longer had anything to distract me from it. I hadn’t dealt with it…I’d just buried it.

…and although I’d done a good job, it wasn’t going to stay buried forever.

I was a mess.

I asked all of my friends for help.

“What do I do?”

They all came back with the same reply.

“You just need to deal with it”.

Well, as helpful as that sounded, I was none the wiser. Because I was happy to deal with it, I WANTED to deal with it, I just didn’t know how.

When I asked them “OK, so how do I deal with it?” I got nothing but blank faces in response.

So I muddled my way through and after a rollercoaster couple of years, I eventually felt that I was over it.

Unfortunately this wasn’t my only experience of heartbreak.

A few years later I found myself in exactly the same situation. Another breakup from out of the blue…and another broken heart.

Again, for a few days I totally fell apart…but this time was different.

This time I had the wisdom of “Sex and the City” to guide me through.

Bear with me, it’s not as crazy as it sounds.

You see one day, not long after this second breakup, I was watching an episode of “Sex and the City” which provided me with all the answers I was looking for.

The episode is in season 6 and is called “One”. Charlotte finds out that she is pregnant, but after a brief moment of joy she loses the baby.

She is plunged into a state of depression and Harry (her husband) tells Miranda (one of her best friends) how worried he is about her. He doesn’t know what to do.

Miranda’s response is simple.

“She’ll be ok, she just has to feel it”

Light bulb moment.

You have to feel it.

That’s how you deal with it. You feel it.

What I’ve since learned is that it’s only when you allow yourself to really feel and experience the emotions fully, that you can release them.

Anything else results in just burying the emotions, and no matter how deep you bury them, they will still be there, still hurting you.

What’s worse is at some point they will bubble up to the surface…often when you least expect them to, and usually at an even worse time.

So cry if you need to cry, shout if you need to shout, feel the fear, the pain, the hurt…all of it, as and when it comes up.

…and when you’ve felt it completely, you can then let it go.

Although it might be painful in the short-term…letting yourself feel these emotions means that you can release them and begin to heal.

It doesn’t happen overnight, but it does get you through it as quickly as possible.

So that’s exactly what I’m did when I wrote this article.

I felt what I need to feel, as and when the emotions came up. Acknowledging them, feeling them completely, moving through them and then finally, bit by bit, beginning to release them.

So here I am, a few years later, sharing this article that feels like it was from another lifetime.  I dealt with it, I released it, and I moved on, and after some time, space and healing I attracted a man who is 10 times the man I had experienced this heartbreak with.  The experience taught me what I needed to know, and allowed me to learn, so that now I’m travelling the world with the man I love, helping people to create incredible relationships!

I learned a lot in the process and next week I will be sharing the 5 most important things to help you deal with a broken heart, so watch this space or even better sign up for updates below so you get it sent directly to your inbox!

…and if you haven’t already, be sure to get your hands on the FREE video series “The First Steps to Transforming Any Relationship” by clicking here now.

Wishing You Love,

Claire x

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What is feminine not?

What Is Feminine Not?

What is feminine not?When people learn the name of my website, one of the first questions I get asked is ‘What is Polarity?’

Having answered this question in Episode 6 of LPPTV, the next two questions tend to come quite quickly. Having learned that polarity is the natural attraction between the masculine and the feminine, the next obvious questions are ‘what is feminine’ and ‘what is masculine’?

But before I answer the question ‘what is feminine’ it’s important to answer the question what is feminine not.

When most people think of the word feminine, they tend to bring to mind concepts and images that don’t reflect the reality of femininity, and are often very negative. There are so many misperceptions about what the word feminine actually means, and I think it’s important that we address these up front.

Over the last couple of decades, the word feminine (unless referring to the latest Ralph Lauren line) hasn’t always been seen as the most flattering description for a woman.

A few summers ago when Susan Walsh suggested that women “try on” femininity for a short while to see how it fitted, one woman remarked that she saw being described as the most feminine member of staff at her place of work insulting as she believed that feminine = weak and that it meant that she wasn’t being taken seriously.

Does Feminine = Weak?

So let’s start with weakness.  Feminine has about as much to do with weakness as Manolo Blahnik has to do with aubergines.  In fact, a genuinely feminine woman who is connected to her femininity is incredibly powerful; feminine strength just presents itself in a different way to masculine strength.  Masculine strength comes from tension and contraction whereas feminine strength comes from flow and flexibility.  A feminine woman is a force of nature.  Watch a feminine woman walk into a room and ask any man in there whether femininity is weakness, and you’ll get your answer.

Does Feminine = Submission?

Another common misperception is that being feminine involves being submissive and appeasing people around you (especially men).  If you look at the definition of submission in the dictionary it talks about ‘yielding to a superior force’. Again, nothing could be further from the truth. There is no better or worse when it comes to the masculine and feminine, they are equal and opposite to each other, each have their unique strengths and weaknesses. So the feminine is complementary to the masculine, not inferior to it in any way shape or form. Connecting with the feminine is about being true to yourself, finding your inner feminine strength and self respect and bringing the best of who you naturally are to complement the masculine in both yourself, and in those around you.

Does Feminine = Pink and Fluffy?

I’ve also heard several women say that being feminine is about being girly, pink and fluffy, or replicating old-fashioned domesticity.  Every time I hear femininity described in this way, it is always followed up with a comment along the lines of “but that’s not who I am”.  Femininity comes from the inside out;  it’s not something that you ‘put on’ in order to give an appearance, it has nothing to do with any colour, style of dress, accessories, hair styles or make up.  Femininity is only true femininity when it’s totally authentic.

Does Feminine = Non-Feminist?

Let’s be clear about this.  Feminism is all about equality.  Femininity has nothing to do with refuting equality, in fact I’m a fully subscribed feminist, and I’m a very feminine woman.  The reason so many people believe that femininity and feminism can’t co-exist is that they’ve misunderstood equal to be ‘The Same’.  Men and women are not the same, we are equal and opposite. Masculine is no better or worse, stronger or weaker than feminine, they’re just different.  They are equal and opposite, like many forces in nature, the positive and negative on a battery, the north and south on a magnet, day and night, light and dark. None of these is stronger or weaker without the other, and neither part of any pair can exist without the other.  The same is true of masculinity and femininity.  So can you be feminine and a feminist? Oh yes.

Does Feminine = Anti-men?

Being anti-men is not pro-women, in fact, being anti-anyone and everyone loses.  Femininity is nothing to do with being anti-men, in fact a feminine woman has great respect for the men in her life, as a masculine man has great respect for the women in his life.

So I’d like to hear from you now.  What comes to YOUR mind when you hear the word feminine or femininity?  Have you ever thought that feminine was weak? Or Submissive? Or against feminism? Or Pink and Fluffy? What have your experiences of femininity been? What are your questions about femininity?

…and if you liked this article, please share it using the buttons below!

Finally, if you’d like some free tips and advice on how to improve your relationship situation, pop over here now and check out our free video series “The First Steps to Transforming Any Relationship”

Wishing You Love,

Claire x

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LPPTV Episode 7 - How Do You Know When You're Ready To Move On? - Claire Brummell, The Relationist, Love Polarity and Passion

LPPTV Episode 7 – How Do You Know When You’re Ready To Move On?

LPPTV Episode 7 - How Do You Know When You're Ready To Move On? - Claire Brummell, The Relationist, Love Polarity and PassionWhenever you come out of a long term relationship, whether it was your choice or not, it can take some time to get to the point where you’re ready to date again.

We can go through the process as if we’re grieving, because we’ve ‘lost’ something.  Either something that we had, or the potential of what the relationship could have been.

It can take time, space and some deep reflection to process the emotions and the experiences to get yourself to a point where you’re ready to begin dating and considering a new relationship.

Unfortunately though, there’s no indicator light that comes on when you’re ready.  There’s no bell that sounds to say ‘That’s it! You’re done, you’ve healed enough and you can begin seeing people again’…so it can be hard to know when the time is right for you.

Having worked with single people I know that many people begin dating again before they’re ready, mainly because they don’t know how to tell.

So today I answer the question sent to me by Steph after she saw a previous episode of LPPTV, “LOVE this Claire Brummell! I think this is particularly the case after divorce I am starting to think, but energetically you need to be truly and fully apart from someone in order to make space for the new. I would love it if you could do a video on when you know you are ready to move on? THANK YOU!”

Tweet the Love… When To Move On? When You’ve Let Go Of The Past, Connected To the Present and Feel Ready For Your Future @LovePPassion

Now I’d love to hear from you.

What has your experience of this been? Have you moved on before you were ready and had challenges as a result of it?  What are your answers to these questions? Have you been able to get to a point where you could answer yes to all of the questions, and how has that changed your dating experience? Would you like to know how to move forward in one or more of the areas? What are the challenges you’re facing with this?

Or, ask me a question that you would like me to answer on a future episode of LPPTV, what is the one thing you’d like to know? What is the biggest challenge you’re facing in your relationship situation right now?

Please share with as much detail as you can because your insight and questions may provide a breakthrough for someone else and I guarantee if you’re thinking it, someone else is too and they could benefit from you having the courage to share your thoughts and questions.

Thank you in advance for having the courage to share and being kind and understanding in the comments.

…and if you haven’t already, be sure to get your hands on the FREE video series “The First Steps to Transforming Any Relationship” by clicking here now.

Wishing You Love,

Claire x

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LPPTV Episode 6 – What Is Polarity?

LPPTV Episode 6 - What Is Polarity? - Claire Brummell, The Relationist, Love Polarity and PassionWhen I was first learning about relationships, there was one concept in particular that completely transformed both how I saw myself, and my understanding of relationships.

It was the understanding that led me to launch my first website, Feminine 1st, and it’s a crucial part of the work I teach today.

It’s also the concept that is least known and understood by most of the people I work with.

It’s a concept that isn’t talked about much, and I’d never heard of before I began my own journey in learning about relationships several years ago.

It’s also one of the things I get asked about most when people learn that my business is called “Love Polarity & Passion”

In this episode of LPPTV I answer the question “What Is Polarity?”

Tweet the Love… Polarity Is The Natural Magnetic Attraction Between The Masculine and The Feminine @LovePPassion

Now I’d love to hear from you.

What has your experience of this been?  Have you experienced this magnetic attraction to someone who is your polar opposite? Have you experienced two masculine energies pushing each other away? Can you see now what has been missing in your relationship? Have you got any questions about Polarity, Masculine and Feminine? What are the challenges you’re facing with this?

Or, ask me a question that you would like me to answer on a future episode of LPPTV, what is the one thing you’d like to know? What is the biggest challenge you’re facing in your relationship situation right now?

Please share with as much detail as you can because your insight and questions may provide a breakthrough for someone else and I guarantee if you’re thinking it, someone else is too and they could benefit from you having the courage to share your thoughts and questions.

Thank you in advance for having the courage to share and being kind and understanding in the comments.

…and if you haven’t already, be sure to get your hands on the FREE video series “The First Steps to Transforming Any Relationship” by clicking here now.

Wishing You Love,

Claire x

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