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heal broken heart

The 5 most important things to help you deal with a broken heart…

heal broken heartBy now, I’m sure you know that during the course of my life I’ve had to face one of the more difficult challenges that life has to offer more than once…how to deal with a broken heart.

After going through the normal reaction involving tears, above average chocolate consumption and an extra glass of wine here and there, the question I asked myself was “How could this experience help the people that I work with?”

The answer I got was to share with you the 5 most important things to help you deal with a broken heart.

Heartbreak is never easy, always painful and can take some time, so finding ways to make the journey a little more bearable is important.  So, following on from last week’s “How to deal with a broken heart” here are are the 5 most important things to help make the journey a little easier:

1. Feel the emotion – It can be easy to put the barriers up, and close yourself off to try and protect yourself from the pain.  But by doing that you only end up hurting yourself in the long run.  It’s so important to stay open and feel the emotions fully as and when they come up, in order for you to then be able to let them go and begin to heal.  In order to make this a little easier try and remember to stay “R.E.A.L.”

Recognise – Recognise an emotion as it comes up, no judgment, just be aware of how you’re feeling and allow yourself to face it rather than finding some way to distract yourself or avoid it.

Experience – Let yourself feel the emotion completely.  Don’t hold back, just allow yourself to feel how you need to feel.  If you need to cry, cry, if you need to shout, shout, if you want to laugh, laugh…but allow yourself to experience the emotion fully.

Accept – Accept the way that things are.  The situation as it is and what has happened.  Give yourself permission to feel how you feel and accept that it’s ok to feel sad / angry / disappointed / upset or whatever it is that you’re feeling.

Let go – Release the emotion…let it go.  Once you’ve felt it there is no reason to hang onto it anymore, it won’t serve you to do so.

2. Take some space – When you go through a major life change like a breakup, it’s important to give yourself a bit of space.  If possible, don’t make any major decisions for a month or two, to allow yourself to adjust to the changes in your life.  Just give yourself a bit of space and time to feel what you need to feel, begin to heal and work out what you would like for yourself next.

3. Focus on you and your needs – As you no longer have to worry about a partner’s feelings, wants, needs or desires, now is the time to focus on you.  What do you want? What makes you happy?  What makes you smile?  What would you like to do?  I’m not talking about big-picture long-term stuff here, I’m talking about day-to-day, what would make you feel good?  Work out what it is, and make sure that you are meeting your needs and wants.  Whether that’s a walk in the country, a night out dancing, some cave time, or an indulgent day to pamper yourself.

4. Let others be there for you – If you are lucky enough to have people around you who care for you and want to be there for you, let them.  If they were going through a tough time you would want to be able to support them, so let them do the same for you.  Having people around who care about you, even if its just company while you watch a film, can really help.  …and if they give great hugs, even better 🙂

5. Be Kind to yourself – Be gentle with yourself.  Don’t expect yourself to feel instantly better overnight.  Allow yourself the time and space you need to heal…and treat yourself kindly on the journey.

I know firsthand how difficult dealing with heartbreak can be…as you know by now, I’ve faced it a number of times.

But believe me, if you can remember these 5 important things it will make the journey a little easier…and someday soon, after a bit of time for you, you’ll be ready to love again.

With Love,

Claire x

Broken Heart, Heartbreak

How to deal with Heartbreak…

Broken Heart, HeartbreakA question that I get asked on a regular basis is “How do I deal with a broken heart?” and specifically from women “How do I deal with a broken heart and still stay in my feminine?”

As we know, being feminine is about being open and embracing the ability to be vulnerable. So when I first wrote this article several years ago, I shared completely open about my personal situation…

At the time I had recently experienced heartbreak first-hand.

I didn’t go into details, except to say that a few weeks earlier my partner took the decision to leave. …leaving me to deal with a broken heart.

Luckily or unluckily, depending on which way you look at it, this was not my first trip around this merry-go-round. So as painful as it was, at least I knew what to expect.

Every breakup is different, but the emotions are often the same or very similar.

You have either lost or had taken away from you something that you cherished…so there is a real feeling of grief and pain.

Most of us know that there are 5 theoretical stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance (of which I’ve experienced at least 3 in the last few weeks…)

But knowing the stages that you’re going to experience doesn’t actually help you to deal with them.

So how do you deal with it?  …and as a woman, how do you deal with it and still stay in your feminine?

Being open, emotionally connected and vulnerable is painful when you are going through a breakup. But from my own personal experience, the alternative can come back to bite you …

I experienced my first real heartbreak at the age of 24. It was with the first man who I truly loved and who I had moved to a new area of the country to be with.

The split came totally out of the blue for me. I had no idea that it was coming and it was a complete shock.

It was like someone had just pulled the bottom out of my world.

As we lived together, and I had very few friends in the area where we lived, I had to leave in the middle of the night and went back home to my parents’ house.

For three days I completely fell apart.

…and I mean completely and totally fell apart.

I was inconsolable.

The worst part of it wasn’t actually the pain I was experiencing, although it was gut wrenching. As strange as this may sound, the worst part was watching my family watching me going through it.

We have always been a very close family and seeing the pain on their faces, watching me going through it while knowing there was nothing they could do to take it away, was unbearable.

After three days I’d had enough.

I was tired of crying. I was tired of feeling so awful. I was determined to take control again. So given that I was going to be moving to be closer to my friends and family there were plenty of things for me to focus on.

I was focused on getting a new job, finding a flat, anything and everything to distract myself from feeling as bad as I did.

…and for a while it worked.

I moved, I started my new job and began my new life.

Until one day, about 6 months after the split, I was walking back to my car after a long day at the office when it hit me like a freight train.

All of a sudden, I was experiencing all the emotions and pain that I had felt immediately following the split.

I no longer had anything to distract me from it. I hadn’t dealt with it…I’d just buried it.

…and although I’d done a good job, it wasn’t going to stay buried forever.

I was a mess.

I asked all of my friends for help.

“What do I do?”

They all came back with the same reply.

“You just need to deal with it”.

Well, as helpful as that sounded, I was none the wiser. Because I was happy to deal with it, I WANTED to deal with it, I just didn’t know how.

When I asked them “OK, so how do I deal with it?” I got nothing but blank faces in response.

So I muddled my way through and after a rollercoaster couple of years, I eventually felt that I was over it.

Unfortunately this wasn’t my only experience of heartbreak.

A few years later I found myself in exactly the same situation. Another breakup from out of the blue…and another broken heart.

Again, for a few days I totally fell apart…but this time was different.

This time I had the wisdom of “Sex and the City” to guide me through.

Bear with me, it’s not as crazy as it sounds.

You see one day, not long after this second breakup, I was watching an episode of “Sex and the City” which provided me with all the answers I was looking for.

The episode is in season 6 and is called “One”. Charlotte finds out that she is pregnant, but after a brief moment of joy she loses the baby.

She is plunged into a state of depression and Harry (her husband) tells Miranda (one of her best friends) how worried he is about her. He doesn’t know what to do.

Miranda’s response is simple.

“She’ll be ok, she just has to feel it”

Light bulb moment.

You have to feel it.

That’s how you deal with it. You feel it.

What I’ve since learned is that it’s only when you allow yourself to really feel and experience the emotions fully, that you can release them.

Anything else results in just burying the emotions, and no matter how deep you bury them, they will still be there, still hurting you.

What’s worse is at some point they will bubble up to the surface…often when you least expect them to, and usually at an even worse time.

So cry if you need to cry, shout if you need to shout, feel the fear, the pain, the hurt…all of it, as and when it comes up.

…and when you’ve felt it completely, you can then let it go.

Although it might be painful in the short-term…letting yourself feel these emotions means that you can release them and begin to heal.

It doesn’t happen overnight, but it does get you through it as quickly as possible.

So that’s exactly what I’m did when I wrote this article.

I felt what I need to feel, as and when the emotions came up. Acknowledging them, feeling them completely, moving through them and then finally, bit by bit, beginning to release them.

So here I am, a few years later, sharing this article that feels like it was from another lifetime.  I dealt with it, I released it, and I moved on, and after some time, space and healing I attracted a man who is 10 times the man I had experienced this heartbreak with.  The experience taught me what I needed to know, and allowed me to learn, so that now I’m travelling the world with the man I love, helping people to create incredible relationships!

I learned a lot in the process and next week I will be sharing the 5 most important things to help you deal with a broken heart, so watch this space or even better sign up for updates below so you get it sent directly to your inbox!

…and if you haven’t already, be sure to get your hands on the FREE video series “The First Steps to Transforming Any Relationship” by clicking here now.

Wishing You Love,

Claire x

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