By now, I’m sure you know that during the course of my life I’ve had to face one of the more difficult challenges that life has to offer more than once…how to deal with a broken heart.
After going through the normal reaction involving tears, above average chocolate consumption and an extra glass of wine here and there, the question I asked myself was “How could this experience help the people that I work with?”
The answer I got was to share with you the 5 most important things to help you deal with a broken heart.
Heartbreak is never easy, always painful and can take some time, so finding ways to make the journey a little more bearable is important. So, following on from last week’s “How to deal with a broken heart” here are are the 5 most important things to help make the journey a little easier:
1. Feel the emotion – It can be easy to put the barriers up, and close yourself off to try and protect yourself from the pain. But by doing that you only end up hurting yourself in the long run. It’s so important to stay open and feel the emotions fully as and when they come up, in order for you to then be able to let them go and begin to heal. In order to make this a little easier try and remember to stay “R.E.A.L.”
Recognise – Recognise an emotion as it comes up, no judgment, just be aware of how you’re feeling and allow yourself to face it rather than finding some way to distract yourself or avoid it.
Experience – Let yourself feel the emotion completely. Don’t hold back, just allow yourself to feel how you need to feel. If you need to cry, cry, if you need to shout, shout, if you want to laugh, laugh…but allow yourself to experience the emotion fully.
Accept – Accept the way that things are. The situation as it is and what has happened. Give yourself permission to feel how you feel and accept that it’s ok to feel sad / angry / disappointed / upset or whatever it is that you’re feeling.
Let go – Release the emotion…let it go. Once you’ve felt it there is no reason to hang onto it anymore, it won’t serve you to do so.
2. Take some space – When you go through a major life change like a breakup, it’s important to give yourself a bit of space. If possible, don’t make any major decisions for a month or two, to allow yourself to adjust to the changes in your life. Just give yourself a bit of space and time to feel what you need to feel, begin to heal and work out what you would like for yourself next.
3. Focus on you and your needs – As you no longer have to worry about a partner’s feelings, wants, needs or desires, now is the time to focus on you. What do you want? What makes you happy? What makes you smile? What would you like to do? I’m not talking about big-picture long-term stuff here, I’m talking about day-to-day, what would make you feel good? Work out what it is, and make sure that you are meeting your needs and wants. Whether that’s a walk in the country, a night out dancing, some cave time, or an indulgent day to pamper yourself.
4. Let others be there for you – If you are lucky enough to have people around you who care for you and want to be there for you, let them. If they were going through a tough time you would want to be able to support them, so let them do the same for you. Having people around who care about you, even if its just company while you watch a film, can really help. …and if they give great hugs, even better 🙂
5. Be Kind to yourself – Be gentle with yourself. Don’t expect yourself to feel instantly better overnight. Allow yourself the time and space you need to heal…and treat yourself kindly on the journey.
I know firsthand how difficult dealing with heartbreak can be…as you know by now, I’ve faced it a number of times.
But believe me, if you can remember these 5 important things it will make the journey a little easier…and someday soon, after a bit of time for you, you’ll be ready to love again.