claire-brummell-1437-lres cropped

Do your ever wonder if the kind of relationship you want is even possible? Do you wish that you had someone to share your life with?

For years, that’s exactly how I felt.

It took me a long time, and a lot of mistakes to reach to the point I’m at now, an international dating and relationships expert helping people around the world on a daily basis.

…if someone had suggested 10 years ago that I would launch a company to help people around the world to create deeply fulfilling relationships I would have laughed.  A lot.

You see, this is not the path I’ve always walked…quite the contrary…I lived a life for many years that was the exact opposite of where I am now.

…which is why I created Love Polarity & Passion, to share what I’ve learned along the way with you.

The Beginning

As a child, I wasn’t what you would call popular.  I was the odd one out…the misfit…the girl who followed the rules, and did as I was told.  It was definitely not the ‘cool’ thing to do…and it did mean that for the most part I walked around with a big metaphorical target on my back.  I was bullied at every school that I attended, and when I moved to an all girl’s school it only got worse.

LexmarkAIOScan124Here I learned that girls were bitchy, mean, untrustworthy and harsh.  I had very little self confidence or self esteem…and felt plain, unpopular and very lonely.

I felt that the only way to prove my worth was to be successful.   The only downside of this was that friends and family saw me as one thing….competition.  I was always amazed that people could care enough about what I was doing to want to try and ‘out-do’ me…but this seemed to be the case.  I decided that I didn’t care and was going to continue doing the best that I could regardless of what anyone else thought.

As I couldn’t trust many of the girls around me I decided that I would surround myself with guys.  I had more male friends than female ones and having been rejected by so many of the females around me, I was determined to be accepted by the guys….so I became “One of the Boys”…and I was really good at it.Claires-Slideshow-092-180x180

I walked like them, talked like them, laughed with them, drank with them, even started wearing men’s clothes.  I was completely and totally accepted…to many of my male friends they didn’t even see me as a girl…I was just one of them.

When studying IT at Uni I felt right at home.  With only a handful of girls on my course I was once again surrounded by guys…and I fitted right in.  I didn’t earn my stripes by proving I knew my way around a computer system…I did it by drinking them all under the table!  It was the way the guys bonded, and I fitted right in.

Working Girl

I moved into a career in I.T., determined to prove myself just as able as all of the guys in my field.  Although there were times when I wasn’t taken seriously, I stuck at it and worked around the clock to show everyone that I was just as good, if not better than the men that I worked with.

I quickly moved from being the ‘girl in I.T.’ whose phone never rang to the company’s ‘go to’ person when someone had an I.T, problem that needed solving.

However, although I had more than proven my skills in I.T. it was clear that I wasn’t in the right job.  I just didn’t care enough about the job I was doing.  I didn’t find it fulfilling.  I wanted more.

Claire-and-Sonic-3-180x180I switched to a career working in marketing for several large media companies. But having chosen to begin my media career in video games, I was again in a male-dominated industry fighting to prove myself and claim my place as an equal.

A further move into TV meant that I was finally doing something that I really enjoyed, but soon after everything changed.  The woman I worked for left the company and that was when I realised what the company I was working for was all about.  Competition.  Getting to the top at any cost.  Doing whatever it took, without caring who you trampled on the way.  It was cut throat.  It was all about what people could get for themselves…regardless of the cost.  It was a massive shock.

I had a problem.

I wasn’t built that way.  That was not the way I did business, and it never would be.

I was miserable…I needed a major change.   So, in the middle of a recession, I quit.

Not just my job…that would have been way too easy!  I quit my house, my job, my life.

I was back at the start again.

Relationship disasters!

Now, unfortunately it wasn’t just in my relationship that I was having challenges.  You see, my “One of the Boys” persona had meant that I had taken on some pretty masculine traits.

I was competitive, continually trying to prove myself, always wanting to lead the charge and a very dominant personality. Unfortunately these were all traits that I brought into my intimate relationships.

Now, I’m not sure if anyone might have mentioned this to you before…but these aren’t exactly traits that men look for in their ideal woman!

The funny thing was that I didn’t see what was happening, or the consequences of my masculine personality taking over.

My first long-term relationship, with the first guy I ever really loved, shook me to my core.  Having spent 4 and half years building a life and a home together, I thought this was the person I was going to spend the rest of my life with.  But I didn’t realise how my masculine traits had been eroding our relationship, and one day, with no warning he told me it was over.

Broken-heart-180x180I’d moved to an area of the country where I had no close friends and no family in order for us to be where he needed to be for his job.  So I found myself on a Wednesday afternoon, sitting on the curb outside the house we shared together, sobbing my heart out and wondering what I was going to do next.  I’d built my life around this man, and all of a sudden it had been ripped from underneath my feet.  It felt like I was on the edge of a black hole, about to step off, with no clue if there would be anything under my feet, or if I’d go plummeting into the abyss.

I was hurt deeper than I could have imagined possible.  I felt like my world had suddenly slipped away and I had no idea how to deal with it.  After 3 days of falling apart on friends and family, I was tired of crying, I was tired of feeling bad, I couldn’t watch the pain in the faces of the people I cared about most as they watched my heart breaking in front of them.  It was unbearable.  So I decided enough was enough.

I pulled myself together and went into ‘take control’ mode.  I had a mission.  I had to find a new job, a new place to live…I wanted to get back to where my friends and family were…as fast as possible.

For 6 weeks I lived in a bed and breakfast, while I slowly rebuilt my life. I found a new job.  I found a new flat in London, and I moved in.  I had a new company to work for, so I had to prove myself all over again.  Everything I had was going into building my new life.

Then one day, walking home from work, it happened.

I’d done everything I needed to do.  I had moved, I was settled in my new job and doing well.

I didn’t have anything to distract me anymore.

…and it hit me like a freight train.

All of the emotions I’d avoided, ignored, and pushed down just to get through, hit me in one go.

I was a mess.

I spoke to friends, who couldn’t understand how I’d gone from a confident, together woman who had got over her relationship breakdown to an emotional wreck overnight.  They all said the same thing…I just had to deal with it.  What none of them could tell me was what that meant, or how to do it.

I went headlong into a new relationship, to try and make myself feel better, and boost my self-esteem.  But the problem was that my defences were up, big time.

The battlements were armed, the drawbridge was up, and the moat filled with the best molten lava you could find.argument-238529_640

I was so terrified of getting hurt again, that I wouldn’t let anyone in.

Without realising it, every time someone came close, I’d create an argument, or pick a fight to put them back at a safe distance.

I was going to keep my heart safe at all costs.

I just didn’t realise how big that cost was going to be.

I moved from relationship to relationship, determined to protect myself from being hurt…by keeping control of everything and ‘fixing’ all of the problems myself.  Competing with my partners, trying to show them why my way was the right way, and not accepting any help or support myself.

I was tough and independent, and although I really wanted a relationship I was determined to prove that I didn’t need a man.

Funnily enough this strategy didn’t work out so well(!)

I chose men who needed me, those who cared about me more than I cared about them, or had low self esteem themselves because they were the safe option.

I went through relationship after relationship…and it seemed that each one seemed to hurt more than the last.

Every relationship was filled with drama and arguments, and others were downright toxic…I couldn’t have been further from a healthy relationship if I’d tried.

I couldn’t see how my choices had a part to play in what was happening…I felt like the victim of these ‘awful men’.

1080946_24278190Then I hit breaking point.

I was deluding myself that the relationship that I was in was a ‘good one’ in spite of the fact that I’d been misled for the majority of our time together.  Over the course of our time together my confidence had been slowly eroded and I thought this was as good as I was going to get. I thought we could work it out…I thought this was my ‘one’.

Then at 11pm the night before Valentine’s day he walked out on me with no warning.  When he left it wasn’t only my boyfriend that walked out of the door…it was also my business advisor, my friend, my confidant and the majority of my savings account.

That was it.

Something had to change.

Life decides on a rather painful intervention

Isn’t it funny how when you’ve managed to convince yourself that you’re “fine”, that life has a way of sneaking up on you, smacking you down and suggesting somewhat forcefully that you go “THAT WAY!”

First.Aid_.Personal.Injury-180x180Well, that’s exactly what happened to me.

During an event in London I got trampled.

I was knocked to the ground where several very large-framed men (who were jumping to catch something) then landed on top of me.  I was rushed to hospital where we discovered that my back and neck had been injured.

It felt like I’d hit rock bottom. It was a real low point.

But it was also the turning point.  Not just of that year, but of my life.

The Turning Point

You see, when I had recogenderidentitydisorder-300x225vered from my injuries I was given a gift.  I got to travel to the other side of the world to go to an event that gave me the key that changed my life completely.

I learned about masculinity and femininity, for the first time ever….and got the first insights into transforming my intimate relationships.

Before this point the only time I’d even considered the concepts of masculinity and femininity was when trying to determine during my G.C.S.E French exams whether a table should have ‘le’ or ‘la’ in front of it! (I still have no idea why a table is feminine…but there you go…)

This was a whole new world.  I realised that I had been living my entire life with a masculine mask on…and it was hurting me…mentally, emotionally and physically.

I finally understood why I had been so unhappy.  It was very simple…I wasn’t being myself and I had no idea how to create successful relationships.

It felt like after fumbling around in the dark for years, someone had just switched on the lights.

I made a decision there and then.  No more.  I was going to make a change.

Just the Beginnning…

Feminine-150x150

I had no idea that this was just the beginning…

When I got home I made it my mission to learn as much about men, women, dating and relationships as possible.  I read books, listened to audio programmes, researched online, watched videos and attended courses.  I wanted to know as much as I could.

As the weeks and months went by I was making more and more small changes that were completely transforming my life.  I felt a confidence I had never experienced before.

This led me to want to know more about relationships, about men and women, about the masculine and feminine…and how to create fantastic, mutually fulfilling relationships in every area of life.

…and the more I learned, the better my relationships got, and the more people sought me out to get help, advice and support in their own relationships.

Whether they were single or had been married for years, whether they were men or women, whether they were young or old…I was able to help them understand their partner better, understand their relationship better, and to understand how to create the best relationship possible, with some very simple steps.

claire-brummell-1579-lresThrough taking what I learned and developing it further, I created an intensive video course for single women to help them to attract the relationship that they desire and deserve…and having followed the tools, techniques and principles I was able to attract a quality of man and quality of relationship that I had never experienced before.

Not only has it allowed me to find and create the kind of relationship that I really wanted, but also to set myself up for success in my relationship.  The insights, techniques and strategies that I has developed have allowed me to work with my partner to deepen and improve our relationship as time has gone on, and it continues to grow and improve every day.

Remarkably, it wasn’t just my intimate relationship that transformed…what I’d learned also helped me to transform my relationships in EVERY area of life.  I was able to resolve extended family conflicts that had been going on for years, I’m now surrounded my friends and colleagues who enhance my life, every day and I’ve genuinely became my own best friend.

… the difference this work has made to me, my life and the lives of people around me led me to take the insights and knowledge that I have learned and share it with others to help them transform their relationships in the way that I have transformed my own.

Helping people around the world…

claire-brummell-1592-lres

Today I am an international relationship specialist, known as “The Relationist”.  My areas of expertise include Men and Women, Masculinity and Femininity, Dating and Relationships and I’ve helped people all over the world to create success in their relationships.

I am a qualified Master NLP Practitioner and Master Life Coach with the American University of NLP as well as a certified Firewalking Instructor with the Firewalking Institute of Research and Education.  I have studied the differences between men and women, masculinity, femininity, polarity, dating and relationships with teachers all over the world including David Deida, John Gray, Allison Armstrong and Tony Robbins to name only a few.

Once one of my greatest sources of pain, relationships are now my passion and my greatest joy in life….and I’m here to help you transform your relationships in the way I’ve transformed my own.